Category: A Bit Of Randomness

This category is full of randomness that really doesn’t fit nicely into any of the categories having to do with my road to walking.

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #47

Yesterday, my Mom mentioned Dorian Gray. I vaguely remember a James Blunt song that had a line about him. I remembered my Mom telling me about Dorian Gray when I was still teaching English and the story interested me and I wanted to read the book and eventually teach it to my students. I never did though because my world cracked when my Dad died.

So yesterday, as my Mom and I were talking as we completed our morning routine, I told her that the words, “Dorian Gray” were in a James Blunt song but I couldn’t quite remember it. So, of course I had to look it up on YouTube to play this song for my Mom and to jog my memory.

I’m surprised that I still remember the words once this song started play and I tried to remember when I heard this song. I listened to it a lot in the car but I also listened to it in my second apartment as I got ready for work. After doing a little bit of research, the album came out in October 2004.

It made sense that I remembered to hearing the song a lot in my car because in 2004, Sean and I were still living with my parents because I was still an undergrad. We moved out in August of 2005 just before I started teaching. I listened to the album and loop a lot my first year teaching. It took me a minute to understand why I was listening to this album as I got ready for work in my second apartment. We moved into the 2nd apartment in August of 2006 just before my dad died.

The album has mellow sounding songs that soothed me when my world cracked because I was trying to help my four-year-old son deal with his world that had also cracked. That album played in my bedroom on the dresser as I got ready for work. I had memories of it playing in my car because when it first came out, I was still in college. I remembered the mellow songs that helped me get it together enough to get ready for work.

Music that played on my way to work is a whole different story that I know I have written about before. I think I’m going to search through my blog to find it to repost.

Lactose NOT a Good Idea

My, “Almond Blossom” mug arrived last night. I used it when I ate of my bun-less turkey burger with mozzarella cheese last night for dinner. I also used it this morning after I ate my sunny side up eggs. Based on the Facebook post I made at the end of March that stated it was good to eat chocolate for your health, I sometimes partake in eating chocolate after my breakfast. I am not “Lactose intolerant,” but rather, I prefer to say that I am “Lactose NOT a good idea” because it really is not! So, as I am waking up, I eat my breakfast and drink a half a cup of milk. Anymore than that is too much!

My friend’s son sold chocolate bars for his baseball team and I bought some for Sean and me. Based on the carb and sugar content, I can have one square a day of the four squares that each bar is divided in to.

Sean has already eaten the caramel and crunch bars I bought for him but since I ration my dark chocolate, I still have a couple bars left. You HAVE to drink milk when you eat chocolate so…

This mug gets my half a cup of milk now! I used to use my Notorious RBG mug or The Late Show with Stephen Colbert mug I got recently but this one will do just fine! I just found out a book about Vincent and Theo van Gogh will come out in the October so I am excited to read that one too! I’m sure I will use this mug well until and after I read it!

Tune #14 & #15 Inspired by GMFB OR Willow Park and Camping

Last night, my knee popped out and popped back in as my Mom raised my ankle with the biggest crack ever! I think it was even louder than the crack I heard months ago. Needless to say, I fell asleep with my knee throbbing and woke up to pain just as bad as when I went to sleep! It’s extremely frustrating that this pain still happens and frequently because the day before yesterday, my knee also popped out. I was a little bit late rolling to my living room to turn on GMFB.

The moment I turned the TV on, Kyle Brant was talking about Rick Astley. He did a little dance with his shoulders and hands and I immediately knew who he was talking about! I never knew that guy’s name but I remembered seeing the video!

I didn’t even know what they were talking about and GMFB because I just caught the end of the segment before the commercials but that song (which I looked up on YouTube) reminded me of family barbecues at Willow Park when I was young! It was #14 Tune Inspired by GMFB. I thought of my brother, Ray, my brother, Steve, and my cousin, Alex.

I also thought of seeing that video a couple years later on the VH1 show, “Pop-up Video.” The show that has word bubbles pop up during the video with obscure facts. I remember in this particular, “Pop-up,“ I learned that the bartender in the video was really hung over at the day of the shoot! It was only REALLY useful information! I probably saw that show probably 20 years ago if not more but I still remember THAT video and the random things I learned about it!

A little while later on the show, they talked about the incoming draft prospects and how one of them is really into shoes. Nate Burleson is also into shoes and they showed this picture:

Everybody else was making fun of him but I remembered a time one what he was wearing was cool! I tweeted at him and told him not to be ashamed because back in the day, he was cool! I am pretty sure that my brother, Jimmy had something very similar. The rest of the hosts and Will Selva laughed at Nate and talked about Lou Bega and, “Mambo No. 5.”

That song immediately took me back to camping when I was about four months pregnant. I was still walking then and I remember having to climb down a somewhat steep hill to get to the water so Sean’s dad could fish. I made a big deal about needing help getting down the hill because I was pregnant.

We stood in ankle deep water as his dad cast his line. I just stood there and kind of splashed around in the water when a water moccasin came towards me with its head out of the water ready to attack! I screamed and ran back up the hill furiously! His dad noted that I ran up that hill all by myself but I told him that that snake was trying to hurt me and my baby! It wanted to kill us! That song, at Nate’s expense, is the #15 Tune Inspired by GMFB. I LOVE that show!

Low-Key Delicious OR Beans, Eggs, and Texas

A few weekends ago, Sean made himself breakfast and came to my room as I was trying to awaken from my groggy state. He had a plate of scrambled eggs, beans, and rice. The beans and rice were left over from the Taco Tuesday four days before. He came up to my bed and sat in my wheelchair and ate his eggs and told me that what he was eating was, “Low-key delicious!“ I asked him what he was eating and he told me.

I immediately thought of my youth! I thought of beans, eggs, and Texas! I told Sean that what he was eating was NOT low-key and that I used to eat it all the time when I was in Texas!

The leftover rice has way too many carbs but he gave me the idea of having beans with my eggs. I am technically not supposed to eat pinto beans on the BED diet but the thought of those three things was too delicious to pass up! So yesterday, for Taco Tuesday, I made sure to order a small side of beans and rice. The rice because Sean likes it and the beans because I wanted to have some with my eggs this morning!

This morning, my Mom made me, “Hard eggs” which basically is sunny side up eggs that are almost cooked completely through with just a little bit of yolk. She heated up some beans for me as well! As I ate them, I am mediately thought of Texas!

I was six the first time my family went to Texas and the weather change was strange for me to say the least! It was SO HOT! On that trip, we stopped in Oklahoma to meet up with his old war buddy, Van and his wife, Beverly. It was the strangest thing for me to see my Dad and his friend from young adulthood walk toward each other and they both puffed their chests out and sucked their guts in at the same time! I never saw my Dad laugh as much as it did when we were with them! My Dad was always happiest when we were in Texas!

Now that I think about it, I think I only went to Texas with my family three times in the summer and once for Christmas (Talk about weird! We barbecued on Christmas!). Because I saw my Dad so happy there, I have the fondest memories from there! All my “Texas relatives“ as I call them have a VERY SPECIAL place in my heart!

I think that is why when I watched the NCAA tournament with Sean, I really cheered for Texas Tech! If I’m being honest, it really is because they knocked Michigan State out of the tournament by winning but I bought two Texas Tech T-shirts after that win just the same!

I was in need of new T-shirts anyway so why not get some Texas T-shirts?! They were on sale so I got two. They arrived yesterday. So today, as I ate my breakfast and thought of eggs, beans, and Texas I also am sporting my Texas Tech T-shirt!


“Remember-y” OR Talk About a, “Throwback Thursday”

My Mom and I didn’t listen to any music today but rather, we talked. I am not even sure what we were talking about but she ended it with, “That’s my remember-y!” Hearing that, I began to laugh! When Sean was about five years old, he used to say? “Remember-y” instead of, “Memory.” I half-heartedly tried to correct him but I thought that sounded so darn cute!

Recently, he was washing dishes and I sat in my kitchen to talk with him as my Mom was doing something at this stove. He was listening to music on his JBL speaker. He only listens to Motown when My Mom or I are around because he doesn’t have to censor the music he listens to. “Superstition” came on by Stevie Wonder.

Both my Mom and I started to laugh and Sean just shook his head as I flailed my arms over my head. He returned to washing the dishes and simply said, “It’s not funny.” But, it ACTUALLY is! I’m sure I have written about this before but my Mom and I took Sean to his first movie. It was, Happy Feet. That song was in the soundtrack and always reminds me of him being very small (about 3) and sitting in the seat with his legs stretched out forward and his feet it just came to the edge of the seat.

I bought him the kids’ size popcorn and drink and that was on his lap. I put the drink in the cupholder and I’m glad I did because about halfway through the movie, I think it was a sea lion who jumps out and tries to eat Bumble. I will admit that it was a bit scary but Sean threw both of his arms in the air and popcorn flew EVERYWHERE when he jumped!

My Mom and I began to laugh after I consoled him and made sure he was okay. As we all were in the kitchen and my Mom and I were laughing, Sean simply said, “It’s not funny” as our laughter continued. I told him that, “It’s a GREAT remember-y!”

When I said that, he interjected emphatically that, “[That word] makes sense! He told me that when you remember something, it is a memory so, “Remember-y” fits! He told me that he stands by that word! I just smiled at remembered him being small saying that word and being afraid at the movie!

Talk about a, “Throwback Thursday!” I have thought about my sweet baby boy at that age all day! I was a bit nervous about writing about these, “Remember-ies” but I’m pretty sure that Sean does NOT read my blog!

I thought about a picture that I’m sure I have somewhere in my camera roll and it’s of Sean about the age of seeing that movie and using the word, “Remember-y.”

But I think I like this picture better because the Pistons just made it into the playoffs with last night’s win! I watch the game with Sean who is 17 now.

Strength

I broke my left ankle in March of 2005. I was still walking, living with my parents, doing my student teaching, about to graduate from undergrad, and had a boot on my leg. My ankle was proving to take a very long time to heal (Thanks MS!) and it was painful. My Dad reminded me one evening in the hallway outside his bedroom that, “The blood of strong Mexicans runs through [my] veins.” He told me that with conviction that evening to let me know that I had the strength to get through this even though it was taking a long time for my broken ankle to heal and it was so painful.

My knee has been popping out every day for the past four days. I was told that my Mom is, “Hard-Core” because once it pops out (mostly upon transfer), she will raise my ankle up and hold my knee as it pops back into place with a loud, “pop” and a combination of a gasp, a scream, and/or tears from me.

I am not sure which of my parents I am able to gather more strength from, it’s a combination of the two but I am trying my best to gather that strength today! My knee is throbbing and my legs feel tight and like they are curling up . My feet are pronating and all of this hurts too! It’s a result of not being worked out at Barwis Methods; and that fact hurts a lot as well!

I thought of this song that I used to listen to while still an undergrad and still driving:

I’m not sure if it’s just me going stir crazy in my house but my legs are more elevated and my wheelchair is reclined to alleviate pressure on my hips. I’ve been sitting back and watching, Legends of the Fall because that movie is always good for a few good cries. I figure if I let some of this pain escape my body through my eyes, I will be able to gather up some of the strength (apparently I already have) I need today to get through this!

“Double Whammy”

My son and I recently talked about past Easter celebrations from his youth. My brothers and I would make up plastic eggs for our kids to find in an Easter egg hunt. It worked out where we would decide a few weeks before Easter that each sibling was responsible to provide 100 eggs to for the kids to find.

Sean was blown away that we were all in our early 20s doing these things for our children. I always filled the Easter eggs I was responsible for with Sean’s favorite chocolate and quarters! I laughed when I told Sean about how exciting it had to be for the kids to find an egg with a whopping 2 quarters! My brother, Dave would provide the “Golden Eggs!” I think it was one egg that was golden in color that contained $5!

Sean never got the “Golden Egg” when we held hunts for the kids so it got me thinking about the fact that I wanted to have one more Easter celebration for Sean! My son is 17 so next year, he will technically be an, “Adult” in the eyes of the law. I think I am just feeling nostalgic so I wanted to have one more Easter basket! Sean doesn’t care either way! He hasn’t cared that he hasn’t had an Easter basket for the past couple years because I have not been working. I wanted to change that!

So yesterday, I just received my Social Security check and paid my bills so I had a little bit of money to get him some Easter candy for a basket! My Mom loaded me into the car to take me to Target to get some! The first thing that I noticed once we got into the store was that Target looked so much different than I remember it! My Mom told me that it has been changed for a few months but I wouldn’t know because I rarely leave the house! She pushed me in my manual chair to get all of the specific things for Sean.

While we were in Target, I saw my friend and former colleague, Jonathon Wright! I was so happy to see him! He looked at the items in the basket on my lap and told me that he was glad that I am eating healthy! I laughed and filled him in on what’s going on with Sean! I was really happy to see him and I was immediately transported back to a time when I first started working with him and teaching English. I was still walking on crutches and driving back then as well. It really seems like a lifetime ago now!

Once finished shopping, I could feel myself getting fatigued! My Mom stopped to get us a shawarma for dinner and as I waited for her while sitting at the car, I realized that my knee was killing me and even my feet hurt. When she came back into the car, I told her about it and I was a little puzzled by it. She told me that I have NOT been in my motorized chair for too long!

It’s saddens me to realize that this was true. When I leave my house roughly once a month for a haircut and eyebrow wax, I am out of my chair probably a total of 30-45 minutes. Shopping at Target, it was longer. My knee was killing me! Once I was home, I reclined my motorized wheelchair and basically passed out till close to 11 o’clock. I was bothered somewhat because I wanted to write my blog post about seeing Mr. Wright and trying my hand at venturing out to Target.

I thought of a picture I posted on Facebook recently:

The MS fatigue was REAL to me yesterday but I think more important was the fact that I realized yesterday how much my motorized chair is a necessity now! My legs need to be elevated to NOT hurt so much! So, me passing out after getting home yesterday was completely an MS thing but my knee hurting so badly it’s not! This, “Double Whammy” really stinks! And it is where I find myself!

“And You Look So White!”

When my Mom and I went out to Target Wednesday (which I am still recovering from!). I wrote about how we saw my friend and former colleague, Mr. Wright. He looked sun-kissed! I asked him where he went because I knew he had to have gone somewhere warm. He always did that during the breaks when we worked together. He told me that he went to Las Vegas.

I smiled because that sounded like a place he would go! He told me he came back after they took all of his money! Right after I smiled and told him that he looked sun-kissed, he in turn looked at me and said, “And you look so white!” As a Mexican person, I don’t think I’ve ever really hear that! I just started to laugh because I didn’t want to be a downer and tell him that I really haven’t seen the light of day outside for pretty much two years!

I hide from the sun so much now that I can’t ever imagine being sun-kissed again! I so much enjoyed seeing him though! We slid back into an easy conversation as if we saw each other every day like we used to do when we worked together! It really made me think about and miss all my former colleagues! We. (the OG’s) were a really close knit group! I am basically a shut-in now.

Mr. Wright hugged me and my Mom upon greeting and again when we parted ways. He smelled really good, like he always did! I enjoyed that smell every time I turned my head to the right for the whole time we were at Target and for the rest of the day!

“Your Eyes”

Last night, after Sean got out of the shower after he got home from work, he sat on the couch to put his socks on. His friend was picking him to hang out for a while. We were talking and I’m not sure what he told me but I looked to the right and kind of half-smiled and my son told me, “I have your eyes!” And then he continued to say that he has felt himself make the same face I just made.

Now, I know my son is mine because I HAD him! However, he really has never looked much like me and I accept that!

He has brown eyes which I KNOW are from me! I remember one day that he came home from preschool quite upset! He was the ONLY student at his school who had brown eyes! I tried calming him down and told him that his brown eyes are from me. I agreed to conduct a poll of all of my students so he could see how common brown eyes really were!

I will never forget the year that I asked of my students the color of their eyes because it was the year that I had a student named Gerardo. He had green eyes. So, I was happy to report to Sean the next day that 199 of my students had brown eyes and one student had green eyes. My three-year-old Sean accepted that answer and it made him feel a little better for him having brown eyes.

As for his eyes, they are a lot later than my eyes! He always has told me that when he is at school, he feels like his eyes are really dark. And then he comes home and realizes they are not because mine are practically black!

I just really liked hearing him say that he has something of mine! Even though I know that it’s not really that true! As he got up from the couch to get his shoes, I let him know that he also has my lips and I could put lip liner on him at any point! He declined and told me that he will NEVER let me do that!

One-Crutching It

Yesterday, I was sad. I missed my old life! This new life (with MS and post-meniscus surgery) is difficult! It hurts! I was tired of it last night. I am pretty much always tired of it nowadays. I didn’t participate in my family’s Easter celebration again.

Today, I tagged my friend, Jaci, on Facebook. I tagged her on my latest post on my blog that I share on Facebook. We conversed via the comments section. She told me that James Blunt reminds her of me. I used to listen to that album a lot in my first year of teaching!

Jaci and I worked together. We were hired in the same year. We were in the same, “Freshman class.” There were five of us hired in that year, (the 2005 2006 school year). NONE of us work there anymore. Our conversation sparked me to search Back to Bedlam on Apple Music.

I was grateful that Sean left to get a haircut. He’s on spring break this week. As soon as I was alone in the house, I started playing the album from the beginning. At first, I sang a little bit with the song, High.

I only got about two lines in before I started to cry. When I say cry, I mean CRY! I am talking shoulders shaking, sobbing, SUPER ugly cry-face crying! I would start to compose myself a little more than halfway through this song but when the next song would begin, and the crying would start all over again!

I used so much toilet paper because I kept blowing my nose! And yeah, I can’t afford a frivolous things like Kleenex boxes so toilet paper will have to do. But I use Quilted Northern 3-ply toilet paper so it was soft enough! I didn’t hold the tears back but rather I let them flow so as to get some of this lingering negative feeling out of me!

The album was released in November 2004 but I recalled, one-crutching it (walking into the store using one Canadian crunch, my right one because I am left-handed) into 7-Eleven. I am remembering it being summer time and I would get the tea before working in my classroom before school started.

This memory had to be after my Dad died because I remember living in our second apartment. But I used to listen to the album a lot on loop in my car. My memory is of buying my no carb green tea at 7-Eleven. I didn’t understand that carbs were the devil until after my Dad died.

I don’t even think that I wore sunglasses back then. My eyes weren’t so damaged from my Optic Neuritis at this point. I was walking and I remember having a dollar in my front left jeans pocket. This tea was $.99 and I used to put the penny in the center console of my car. I used to keep the windows down and back then I had a sunroof.

I can’t imagine NOT wearing sunglasses whenever I am outside (regardless of whether) now! I haven’t worn jeans in years because my body has betrayed me and I no longer can wear jeans (too difficult to put on). I no longer drive and I can’t stand wind being on my skin. Physically, I am so far removed from where I once was that it just added to my tears!

I think these tears were a bit cathartic and I also believe that I needed them! I am just not at that point I was at earlier but MS and recovering from meniscus surgery having MS has proven to be quite difficult and painful! I appreciated listening to this album today. I needed it!