Category: A Bit Of Randomness

I have been thinking about this since last Thursday. I got my ID renewed and I found myself crying for 30 minutes by myself as my lasagna was getting cold! I knew that I was extremely tired but it wasn’t until today that I family realized why! Here it is:

This all took days for me to realize but before we went to the Secretary of State, we stopped off at Les Stanford to get a license plate that my Mom needed to get.

My Mom walked back to the van with Ali Reda!

I have known Ali Reda since he was a salesman at Bill Wink Chevrolet. That dealership was walking distance from my house growing up. Once I learned how to drive, I used to drive the car there and walk back to my house while it got its oil changed or whatever.

My Dad bought all of his cars from that dealership and he had his preferred salesman, Bob Kapp. I remember being in the market for a new car and that salesman had left but I still lived in my Parents’ house. I asked one of the service guys to direct me to a different salesman and he told me Ali Reda.

I have bought two cars from Ali this far. I leased a car and then I bought the car I currently own. I haven’t seen him in so long and he came to the van door and I smiled brightly!

But I could not trust myself to say anything because I was definitely going to start to cry. I was a far distance from the young woman who purchased two cars from him as I sat there sitting in my power chair strapped to the floor of the van.

Things have changed for me so much since I last purchased a vehicle from him and I think that’s the reason that I was crying when my Mom took the van back. I ate cold lasagna that night.

I am still using my vanilla bean chapstick because it is too cold to transition to spring flavors!!! I checked the weather just now:

Wait. What?! This is not OK! This is NOT acceptable weather after my birthday! So much so, look at my girl:

She has started her allergy shots regiment. My Mom is slowly increasing each shot but I don’t think that the serum is making her tummy feel good! My poor girl…

I have already said that I know that I am old because I listen to old music. I like to get lost in a playlist that is music from our second apartment. I love me some Gavin DeGraw, Carrie Underwood, Sara Bareilles, Train, The Script, etc.

I appreciate getting lost in music from when I was more able-bodied. It’s comforting to me. I am dealing with a whole lot with this disease progression and my speech pathologist had to reschedule our appointment for next week.

But there is one thing that I have discovered, I absolutely appreciate being lost in my memories but when I feel like this, when my soul hurts, I will put on a U2 playlist!!! I like listening to the 18 Singles album as well as The Best of 1990 to 2000. U2 has been in my soul for my entire life!!!

I shared this meme on Facebook because it’s MS awareness month and I am part of 19 support groups for people with MS:

I have many mutually followed MS warriors and we share memes all the time!!!

But here’s the thing, I am slowly realizing that ‘can’t’ is definitely part of my vocabulary!!! It’s not that I wanted it to be in my vocabulary but it is here now and there’s nothing I can do to stop it!

The first ‘can’t’ I came to painfully realize was last Wednesday morning when I tried to pay my bills before I got out of bed and we were getting ready for the day because it was, “Go time.” I know that I needed to place my Target order and my Amazon order because my Target order has my nutrition shakes and my protein powder and the Amazon order I place is for my medical supplies.

I was able to pay my mortgage and place the Target and the Amazon orders but then my brain stopped! It has ‘stopped’ one other time and that was because I needed to change over to a nutrition shake so I was getting more nutrition.

I couldn’t just go back to sleep but it was definitely startling that my brain stopped functioning! I think it’s terrible that I ‘can’t’ as much as I want to!!!

So, this is the solution I came up with for next month is to segment my bill paying and I am working on recalibrating my current abilities which aren’t very much anymore…

Last night, I was home alone and I was processing my mail. I realized that my hand strength has left me so much that I can’t even drag my finger along the sealed part to get it open. I was tearing envelopes open left and right. But it was all junk mail! It didn’t really matter.

I took a breath and it started looking at the mail that I had received. I did NOT open the letters I received from AAA (that’s my car insurance), medicaid, and a card from my best friend.

I didn’t even tell my mom about it until today. I told her that I was punched in the face again and I told her about my lack of hand strength. We are going to work together to figure that out. I am reeling right now! I am dealing with so much and it keeps coming!!!

My Mom recognized how upset I was about this newest development. I told her that I think a tooth is loose from this last face punch! And I think to keep me from crying, she just said, “You have a good dentist!”

My Mom is laying down and I am still reeling from my disease progression and I am at a loss. I know that I just need to pause for a moment to figure out what I am going to do. As I am doing this, when all else fails, I know I can listen to this album and be taken back to driving to the credit union just after Sean was born:

I know all of the words to this entire album and Bono’s voice calms me..

The horn on my wheelchair just has died! That is such a detrimental thing! The only saving grace is that I will be getting a new wheelchair hopefully in July. I need to have my PCP send the prescription for my wheelchair to my wheelchair tech. I have been in the email conversations with her and I will get the prescription from my PCP mid April so I can schedule my fitting for the chair in May so then Dave will deliver it to me in July when it is built.