Author: Jen Rios

Scary

I saw my doctor last Tuesday, and I told her that, “ I’m not okay.” Today is day 19 post procedure and I’m still not okay. My body feels strange! I really don’t like it at all!

My Mom assures me that I went through something big and my body is not normal and then it will take time be more normalized. I constantly tell her that and somehow, I am not seeing it right now because this is a little bit scary!!! or A LOT!!! I wonder what it’s going to be like in seven years when I have to do it again. My disease is just going to be worse…

“She Worked and She Prayed”

I listened to that India.Arie song again today and I reread that blog post. I actually listened to the song a bunch of times! I remember when I chose that song. I really liked hearing it and I was dating someone at the time.

I really thought that I would get married; but that wasn’t in the cards. I really like that the song rings true even today, “She worked, and she prayed.”Even though I no longer work; I pray.

I never thought my disease would be where it is now and it is still making my head spin and I cry! It was nice to remember back when I was a college student. I have no idea what made me think of this song.

I’m really glad that I did though:

“Green Heals”

I was thinking about my past plethora of appointments during the summer, and I’m trying to p together why I did that?! But it had to be done because my disease is progressing. This disease progression is too much for me! But it’s happening regardless of how I feel about it.

I was thinking about it because for my second attempt in my colonoscopy, I had to stop my supplements on June 18 for my endoscopy and colonoscopy. That ended up failing, but I had to stop my supplements again for my cystoscopy so I was basically without supplements from June 18 until July 16. It was difficult, but I did it!

With this new colonoscopy that was scheduled for October 7, I stopped taking my supplements on September 28 because that was the beginning of a new week for my pillbox. I take a bunch of settlements, but I thought just being without it for eight days, it would be okay.

Well, it WASN’T!!! On Monday morning, when I was supposed to take my morning supplements. I looked at my Mom and told her that I felt so weird! I had to start a liquid diet four days before my procedure and the final two days, I only had chicken broth and green Jell-O.

I mentioned to my Mom that I’m a little nervous about that and she just said, “Green heals.” That made me laugh so much! In my family, my oldest brother Ray, used to ALWAYS tell my Mom to get green Kool-Aid when she went grocery shopping. He would only drink a green Kool-Aid or eat green Jell-O when he was sick because he said that it heals.

I don’t know that it does, but I did it, and I thought of him each time I ate that green Jell-O for my sustenance for the day. It ended up being successful and actually showing that I had polyp that they removed. I’m still not okay with that fact and I’ll talk about that in a bit I think but I enjoyed the memory of my brother being sick and eating green Jell-O because “Green heals”

6 Years Old

So, last night I thought of a blog post that I had written previously about my Mom singing while she cleans the house when I was young. I found that blog post yesterday. It was from January 2022.

We watched the video on her phone of this song that I was speaking of. Today, we watched it on TV. I was six years old again!

My Mom laid down, and I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. I remember reading that book in college and I didn’t quite remember the details. I’m going to watch it again with my Mom tomorrow because it was absolutely adorable!!!

Right from the Get-Go?!!!!

It’s Recovery Day #1. I am holed up here until November 19. I just realized yesterday after my appointment that I have not rested since my first appointment in January where it was discovered that I had a calculus and then had to make four additional appointments. One appointment that was for a procedure that was NOT fun and I have to repeat it in February!

So, this year has been brutal right from the get-go?!!!! At least the weather is better now for me! Until I get really cold, which won’t be that far away, I think…

Coasting

I’m already beginning to feel the crash. But it’s not The Breeders or even Dave Matthews, it’s Tay-Tay. More specifically, it’s Style by Taylor Swift! I am still working and rockin’ my manual wheelchair in the middle school, and I’m using the doorway of each hallway to push off of and coast down that hall.

I can’t believe how MORE able-bodied I was back then or how I am NOT now. Ilistened to this song twice before we left and I cried both times:

I looked it up because I am not a true Swiftie but this came out in 2015. February 9, 2015. I knew it was cold! The memory I have of coasting down the hall to this song that was playing in the cafeteria. I’m pretty sure that there was snow outside back then.

Serious

It began raining just as I was going to exit the house to go to my doctor appointment. I cried as I got into the van:

I groaned when I made it down the ramp from my house. By the time I was going up the ramp into the van, tears were stinging my eyes. It was just a miserable time for me!!!

I got my flu shot and I am done for the month of October, which was another brutal month! I don’t need to leave the house until November 19 so I think now I can start putting things into perspective because I can see and think a little clearer.

I made my follow up appointment for March to see her again. There will be my well check-up for HAP. I already have the first quarter of next year booked with van rentals and doctor appointments and procedures. I guess my MS is getting serious now…

#MSsucks!!! IN THIS RAIN!!! 😒😒😒…

This is my Life.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with my internist and I will get weighed and my flu shot. I’m going to tell her that she saved my life in suggesting that I get my colonoscopy. I’m still NOT okay with that by the way… I get weighed every six months just to make sure it hasn’t fluctuated that much.

Sean transferred me not too long ago and he told me that I am a lot lighter. My Mom has told me that my body is changing and I feel that as well.

I also need to have her update my medication list because I no longer take ibuprofen 800 because it gave me gastritis that I am still dealing with. I will see my naturopath in December to discuss that. I really can’t believe that this is my life now.