Month: October 2025

Of Course I Do!!!

I watched Meet me in St. Louis today because my Mom and I were talking yesterday about Tootie being the most horrible!

My Mom asked me who I used to watch that movie with and I told her that it was just me. I was so young. I told my Mom that I was going to watch it today and she asked me if I owned it. I just looked at her with a furrowed brow and said, “Of course I do!!!”

It was so great to watch and remember being a child Watching it in my living room with the green carpet. I think I’ll watch it again at Christmas…

My, “New Normal”

I think that I have reached my, “New Normal.” I was not prepared for this, but this is how it is now. I think I may be starting to feel a little bit better and I don’t want to jinx it so that’s all I’m going to say about that.

What’s really helping me out right now is how encouraging my Mom is. When I tell her, quite dejectedly, that this is my ‘new normal.’ She’s quick to say, ‘only for a little while!’

I feel myself slowing down and I wonder how this is all going to play out! I’m not quite sure. There is a lot going on in my head right now!

3 Weeks

it’s been three weeks since my procedure and the recovery time it’s supposed to be 24 hours and in some cases it’s a couple days. Or how about, let’s try having MS for 24 years. so that changes the timeline! It’s NOT even three weeks! Today is three weeks and I’m not okay!

Whenever my Mom and I reference three weeks, we think of Fiddler on the Roof and specifically this scene:

I grew up watching Fiddler on the Roof at my aunt Linda‘s house. We watched all the time (my cousins and my brothers Jimmy and Dave) and we sang along with the music and we danced. singing and dancing was probably mostly just me and my cousinTs Dawn and Shannon) It wasn’t until I was in my house when I saw it was on so I just decided to watch it because I haven’t seen it in so many years.

BIG MISTAKE!!!

Seeing this movie for the first time as an adult, I cried my eyes out!!! I cried my eyes out because I understood the content of what was going on. As a child, I was just singing and dancing. But then I saw it as an adult.

I do I have to tell you that those songs hold a special place in my heart because of my childhood fun!!!

“Halloween Week”

I live on the corner of two busy streets, so Halloween hasn’t really been a thing at my house. There are three houses on my block. We don’t have trick-or-treaters. Sean and I went elsewhere all the time. He actually stopped trick-or-treating when he was 12, which was a huge disappointment for me! I’ve been seeing Halloween week memes and I think they are adorable!!!:

#1

#2

#3

And then I saw this post from last year:

I don’t even work anymore. Haven’t since July 2018. But it IS Halloween week!:

“Accessibility Team”

So, my brother got me a TV when ours went out during the summer months and I can’t even tell you when because it was so hot outside that nothing was making sense for me!

I think it was a few weeks ago then I called to tell them that I need a remote control for disabled people. I can’t see the buttons at all! It arrived last week, but I still am trying to get okay from my procedure! Today is 20 days and I think I am starting to get my feet under me so to speak.

We called the accessibility team today at Xfinity.

My Mom handled everything and spoke to Silva today. I had just received the accessibility modem so she hooked both of them up today. My remote control is 100% voice activated. I haven’t used it yet. But it’s all hooked up now!

I’m not sure how I feel about all of this yet. I mean, I know it sucks, but it’s necessary now. It’s just taking me a moment to digest!

24k

I have just realized that in one week, my child will be 24 years old?! Wait. What?! I had a child 24 years ago?! I sent him this video last month but now I have to send it again today:

This song wasn’t out when I turned 24 but I said this as well.

Scary

I saw my doctor last Tuesday, and I told her that, “ I’m not okay.” Today is day 19 post procedure and I’m still not okay. My body feels strange! I really don’t like it at all!

My Mom assures me that I went through something big and my body is not normal and then it will take time be more normalized. I constantly tell her that and somehow, I am not seeing it right now because this is a little bit scary!!! or A LOT!!! I wonder what it’s going to be like in seven years when I have to do it again. My disease is just going to be worse…

“She Worked and She Prayed”

I listened to that India.Arie song again today and I reread that blog post. I actually listened to the song a bunch of times! I remember when I chose that song. I really liked hearing it and I was dating someone at the time.

I really thought that I would get married; but that wasn’t in the cards. I really like that the song rings true even today, “She worked, and she prayed.”Even though I no longer work; I pray.

I never thought my disease would be where it is now and it is still making my head spin and I cry! It was nice to remember back when I was a college student. I have no idea what made me think of this song.

I’m really glad that I did though:

“Green Heals”

I was thinking about my past plethora of appointments during the summer, and I’m trying to p together why I did that?! But it had to be done because my disease is progressing. This disease progression is too much for me! But it’s happening regardless of how I feel about it.

I was thinking about it because for my second attempt in my colonoscopy, I had to stop my supplements on June 18 for my endoscopy and colonoscopy. That ended up failing, but I had to stop my supplements again for my cystoscopy so I was basically without supplements from June 18 until July 16. It was difficult, but I did it!

With this new colonoscopy that was scheduled for October 7, I stopped taking my supplements on September 28 because that was the beginning of a new week for my pillbox. I take a bunch of settlements, but I thought just being without it for eight days, it would be okay.

Well, it WASN’T!!! On Monday morning, when I was supposed to take my morning supplements. I looked at my Mom and told her that I felt so weird! I had to start a liquid diet four days before my procedure and the final two days, I only had chicken broth and green Jell-O.

I mentioned to my Mom that I’m a little nervous about that and she just said, “Green heals.” That made me laugh so much! In my family, my oldest brother Ray, used to ALWAYS tell my Mom to get green Kool-Aid when she went grocery shopping. He would only drink a green Kool-Aid or eat green Jell-O when he was sick because he said that it heals.

I don’t know that it does, but I did it, and I thought of him each time I ate that green Jell-O for my sustenance for the day. It ended up being successful and actually showing that I had polyp that they removed. I’m still not okay with that fact and I’ll talk about that in a bit I think but I enjoyed the memory of my brother being sick and eating green Jell-O because “Green heals”

6 Years Old

So, last night I thought of a blog post that I had written previously about my Mom singing while she cleans the house when I was young. I found that blog post yesterday. It was from January 2022.

We watched the video on her phone of this song that I was speaking of. Today, we watched it on TV. I was six years old again!

My Mom laid down, and I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. I remember reading that book in college and I didn’t quite remember the details. I’m going to watch it again with my Mom tomorrow because it was absolutely adorable!!!