Crying?

I woke up crying this morning. I woke up crying from my endoscopy as well. It was different this morning, (really this afternoon) when I woke up crying because I was in my room all by myself instead of having multiple nurses (who were strangers) bustling around doing things.

Now, when I say that I was crying, it was not one glistening tear on my cheek. It was a deluge out of both eyes! With multiple tracks of tears streaming down my face. Today, I just let them fall and did not care until I needed to blow my nose.

I just don’t know why this is happening? I remember when I woke up from my last surgery, (that was my second knee surgery). There was a nurse working on a computer to my right and I just said with my eyes not even open, “My knee hurts.” And then I opened my eyes a little bit and asked if I had knee surgery. She said, “Yes” and I went back to sleep.

Waking up, crying, kind of it’s not sitting well with me. I completely understand that it is something neurologic. 24 years ain’t no joke, I am finding out and I will ask my neurologist, Dr. Cerghet in August. That’s when I have my virtual appointment.

I remember that I would used to only see my neurologist once a year, in August. That was the end of my summer and before I started work. That’s the only check-in I did medically. I just reviewed with my Mom the upcoming appointments for the year and I have multiple appointments (with different doctors) everymonth! I wasn’t ready for this.

I just see my neurologist virtually because she’s not going to cure me. Now I’m homebound. I wonder if I will wake up crying tomorrow as well? I amSTILL so shocked for my procedures that I don’t even think I have been begun recovering yet. Hopefully that can start tomorrow?