Month: March 2025

A Lesson in Silence

So, father Mike started the homily before Lent started saying that “…we should start lent in silence.” I have been thinking about that and actually working on it.

I’ve written before about my cell phone being at an iPhone 12. Obviously, it is starting to get wonky, because I’m supposed to buy another phone! On Friday, it told me that ‘Siri was not available’ and I could not get off of the home screen that had the time. I thought for a moment and decided that this was a lesson in silence for me.

Mu Mom shared her cell phone with me so I was able to pray but otherwise, I was contemplative and silent and had an experience to say the least!!!

I’m not even sure how to put it into words, but it feels extremely big!!! I spent the weekend without my phone and my Mom’s phone did not work on Sunday. Because it is also an iPhone 12 and it is getting wonky like my phone!

The timer worked, so instead of praying, I just set the timer and offered silent prayers. I told my Mom that it was going to be a, “Silent Sunday”

Today, my nephew fixed my phone because he worked for Apple in college so he knew how to do it. But somehow, I can’t shake my silent weekend! It was wonderful! I even pillaged in silence! I don’t know what is going on, but it feels so big and wonderful!!!

I have been following Hallow for a few years now and this is my third Lent listening to their prayer offerings. I think that is helping with this big feeling!!!

I caught up on the prayers for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as I prayed today. On Saturday, a foreign cardinal speaks to us about contemplative silence. I heard this today as I was catching up:

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This is all new to me, but it feels powerful, and even wonderful!!! I can’t explain it yet fully, but it’s so big!!! I’m excited to see what happens!!! Cardinal Sarah told us to, “Rest in the awesome silence of God.” MAN, THIS IS SO BIG!!!!!!!!!

“Matthew Stafford Cheekbones!”

Today, we had an encore of my movie we saw a few days ago but I can’t post a link to the trailer. (I will write more about that in the coming days). The movie is The Magic of Ordinary Days.

My Mom asked if I minded seeing that movie again because she really dug it! I didn’t mind at all! I’ve had a crush on Skeet Ulriche since The Craft.

And I told my Mom that, “Of course I don’t mind! Skeet has Matthew Stafford cheekbones!” Because he does!

It Felt like a Birthday!!!

It did NOT take long for today to feel like a birthday thanks to my Facebook family and friends!!! I’m pretty sure that I responded to everyone and I’ve felt that love all day long!!!

I even received birthday emails from my chiropractor’s office and my optometrist’s offices.

Sean came over with a red Velvet buntini and I had llhalf of it! He also brought Sabina’s. We watched Leap Year.

It was a low-key day for sure and it sounds strange to me to be 43 but all in all… it FELT like a birthday after all!!!

I still feel 95!!! Oh, wait. I’m 98 now!!! At least at is how it feels…

12 Days

it has been 12 days since I left my house and I went to the dentist. It’s been 12 days since the Westland fire department had to assist me because I got stuck on the ramp getting into the van.

I have been feeling terrible since I got home, I was concerned that this terrible feeling was my ‘New Normal,’ but I don’t think that’s the case given how I feel today. I am saying that cautiously, but I do feel a little better than I have been feeling since my meet up with Dave and Sean from the Westland fire department.

It is so startling how long it takes me to wake up these days!!! “Go Time” is March 19 so that’s kind of coming up quickly given that a ‘weekend recovery’ has turned into a ‘12 day recovery.”

That’s not sustainable at all but I have two different doctor appointments and a haircut this month. There will be no snow on the ground so that’s good.

For my two doctors appointments, I am going to see my internist, which is in the same building that I used to take Sean to see the pediatrician and my other appointment is in Dearborn as well where I used to go to see my pediatrician, so I’m familiar with both places and I have been getting my hair cut and eyebrows waxed at the same place since I was 17.

Like We Knew Each Other

Today is Saturday and I pillaged, but I could not get a memory out of my head last night! I think it was in late 2021? I know that I still had my original bed that I got from Art Van.

In this post, I’m kind of telling on myself, but this happened before I got my new bed, CORRECTION!!!: before my Parents got me my new bed! But I’ve decided that I can talk about it because I don’t even have that bed anymore. And this kind of explains why:

I think it was in the winter time and it was pretty late, but my Mom was getting me into my bed and I fell. I landed laying down on the floor in my bedroom. I looked at my Mom and both of us had no idea what to do! She called 911.

I will never forget the two EMTs who showed up. One was the big stocky guy and the other guy was kind of slight. Probably 5’6 and about 140 pounds. My Mom told the guys that I had MS and I would need help getting into bed because that’s what we are doing.

The smaller guy told us that his brother has MS so he knows what to do. The bigger guy had no idea what to do. He just held the clipboard. But I was thinking about this last night as I was almost falling to sleep.

I thought about this, as it began to drift off, and I think that was one of the best transfers that I have ever had! He was holding onto me like he was holding onto his brother, and he knew what to do. At the same, I was holding onto him like I hold onto my Mom! It was a seamless transfer, and like we knew each other!

There is a reason that I no longer have that bad! I loved it! I bought it in 2006. It was a black wood four poster bed. I wanted to gift that bed to my granddaughter when I died. I think it’s better for me to have a Tempur-pedic bed now though…

I Hate Waking Up Like This!

This morning, when I originally opened my eyes, I could feel that my hips kind of were hurting a little bit. Both of them.

That is definitely not a good sign to wake up to! I put some prayers on my phone, and then I laid there for a moment. But then I had to sit up! I had to grit my teeth a little bit and I moaned but I was able to get into a sitting position.

But then my Mom came in to help me out of bed. Nowadays, every single day is difficult getting out of bed. And I have to be gotten out of bed now!

As my Mom was getting me out of bed, tears started pouring out of my eyes. It was sloppy all over my cheeks and I hate waking up like this! I have no control over this!

Once I got into my chair and reclined all the way back to slide into place so that I could buckle my pelvis stabilizer. Tears were all over my face but then I put my chair all the way down to put my sweatshirt on. And my Mom pulls my arms to pull my sweatshirt down in the back. Once I was sitting again, I could use both of my hands to wipe my face. I had to wipe my face twice!

Ttoday, my Mom told Sean how I used to move years ago. I really can’t remember that anymore! I’m just in my chair now…

Not Since I was 40?!

I got this email on March 1 and I didn’t write about it until right now I was thinking about it, and:

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I have been nanking with dfcu you since I was 18 and I worked there when I was pregnant. I have never received a ‘birthday month’ email from them before!

‘Birthday month’ is not a thing anymore! At least not since I was 40! That was a milestone year, but then three months before I turned 41, I felt like an adult!

Sean told me that I was always an adult, but I told him that I was playing pretend until three months before I turned 41! I talked to him today and it is T -7 days until I am 43 and it does matter to me at all! I told Sean that I was a little bit surprised by it myself. It’s like I’m entering a new level. I don’t know what this one is going to be like and I’ll just have to wait and see! I always have tell my Mom that I’m 95 years old because that’s how I feel!!!

I think it’s strange that dfcu is a little late to the party, but all that email was an invitation to sign up for financial planning classes. I have been banking there since I was 18 so they know that I have no money! I have been ‘robbing Peter to pay Paul’ my entire adult life when I became in charge of the bills. I was a teacher and a single mom. But now that I am on disability, not much has changed!

At least I got some recognition even though it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I thought I would always love birthdays, but I just can’t now.

50° of “Miserable!”

so, my Mom has been messing with the thermostat as of late because she tells me that it is 50°. I let her know that 50° is NOT warm! I looked at the forecast for today and into the evening, and it was rain all night! I looked at that and told my Mom, “Yeah, it’s 50° of miserable!

The weather can always be a horrible thing for me, but now that it is the ‘change of season,’ that is also horrible for me as well!!! Not to mention that I am still recovering! I am thinking that I am just this sick now. Today wasn’t much different waking up this morning. I hope tomorrow is better but today wasn’t.

I was reminded of me living in our first apartment with my Mom messing with the thermostat. Once I moved into our apartment and turned the heat on when it got cold, our apartment was a balmy 72°! I lived in an apartment building that had four units so the heat was divided between our four units.

My Mom laughed when my heat was set at 72° and once I got billed for it, I changed it to 70°. And then the second bill came and I said out loud to really myself, “69° and wear a sweater!!!”

Now, I am 24 years in of having MS and staring at a quarter of a century in 10 months; I have to have my heat set at 72° because I can’t keep my body temperature at a good place anymore.

It’s not springtime yet for me and I’m not leaving the house until March 19. That day, I will decide if I will change my chapstick because I’m still cold and I have two new Vanilla Bean chapstick tubes because 50° is really miserable for me!!!