So, after I got out of bed and rolled into my living room, and while I was washing my hands, I told my Mom, “It smells like our apartments!” because my Mom made brownies this morning while I slept. They were still baking when I woke up.
It’s been a really long time since I made brownies in my house. I’m not really able-bodied anymore. I never thought that it would get like this but that is how it is!
My Mom told me that she always forgets how easy it is to make brownies. I told her that is why I would make them! They were so easy to make and then me and Sean could have something sweet! I would buy the brownie mixes when they were on sale, 10 for $10. I always had brownie mix in the cabinet in both of our apartments.
I remember that I would make three boxes to take to my work. I would put them in a plastic container, separated by paper towel and just leave them on the table in the teachers lounge. Overtime, I would have to hand deliver brownies to the classrooms of teachers teaching during first hour to make sure they got a brownie.
I smiled when I thought about how much my colleagues loved my brownies today as I ate two of them and I didn’t/don’t even feel guilty!!!
Yesterday, I had to change my visual field test that was scheduled for July 3 to August 13. That’s my life or now. Doctors appointments. But I’m OK with that. I saw the change in MyChart and then I saw that I will meet my endocrinologist in nine days.
I heard the sound of slick wheels driving down the road and I cringed. This weather is terrible for my body!
But, I was taken back to my very first Target run at WMU. It was with Marissa, my wall mate and Tonya who lived down the hall. Marissa had shotgun and I told her she was in charge of the radio. This song came on, and she started singing it so loudly, and she said to us in the car, “Oh, you know the words!” we all laughed and started singing, and that was the icebreaking moment at WMU for me.
Thinking about this day, I can STILL see it so clearly, it made me smile.
This song came on after my Maroon 5 playlist finished playing last night. There are only two albums on that playlist!:
I searched when this song came out because I remember hearing this song in my second apartment. It came out in 2009 so I think that could be true. I didn’t close on my house until June 26, 2009 so I guess I must’ve been hearing it before that because I can see myself hearing this song while standing in my second apartment. I still stood back then! Seems like a lifetime ago…
Today, my Mom and I remembered that in the spring and summer, I wear her shorts because wearing my sweatpants makes me too warm. I took my dinner vitamins and looked at my lap. This completely startled me!!!:
I told Sean a few weeks ago that my body was changing. I I feel it. have an MS body. Looking at my legs, I realize that is true. For my entire life, I have wanted my legs to be this thin! But, the reason they are now is because my diet is so extremely restricted based on what I can chew. Chewing is extremely difficult. Now and I just have overnight oats, Stovetop chicken stuffing, (the turkey is for in the winter), and about 10 to 15 saltine crackers. I have that for lunch and dinner. I drink a nutrition shake for breakfast.
At first glance, my legs look like I would be a dancer! But yeah, not so much! Instead, I have been chronically ill for 23 years and counting…
Oh, my Mom puts my legs up like that every day that I am NOT leaving my house because the skin on my heels is so sensitive after having the pressure sores in ‘22 that I had for eight months! My heels cannot have any pressure on them at all. I tried to just keep my shoes on when I got my new chair because it was so comfortable but it took a week before the sores started coming back so I had to stop and my Mom does this.
Lately, as my disease progresses, I will ask my Mom if this is the ‘bad,’ my Dad warned us about six years before he died. I say that because my Mom has told me that my Dad read all of the books that I got from the doctor when I was first diagnosed.
I remember that pile of books that I was given at the hospital. It was like five or six full-sized books and not just little pamphlets. I. threw them in the backseat of my car, completely disinterested. I think I finally brought them into my house somewhere around January 5 or sixth of 2001. I forgot about those books once I brought them into the house. I’m pretty sure that I left them on the kitchen table.
I think it was on the kitchen table because I remember flipping one of them open once and reading a single sentence of something disturbing. I don’t even remember what I read but after I did, I said, “Oh, that’s not going to happen to me!” and to this day, I do not like reading any research on MS. It’s depressing!
Yesterday, once I was seated in my wheelchair in my living room, and had taken my morning vitamins and was in the process of drinking my morning nutrition shake, I grabbed my comb out of the box that holds my remote controls, my floss packs, my chapstick, my gum, and my tweezers. I guess this is my utility box of sorts:
This box is from the soap I get on Amazon. And here is the comb:
I did not get this comb until I cut my hair when I was 26. You see, this was the comb my Dad used all of the time and he would get them free from the hospital when he stayed there. I remember when we were kids that I would ask him about that and he would say, “I didn’t have to pay for money for it and it works” was the answer I got.
I remember when my Mom brought it to me (actually two of them) and I treated it with such reverence because I clearlyremember my Dad combing his hair with this exact comb! My hair is short enough to where I just have to run this comb eight times and it’s done. I really have a hard time with this, because I never thought my hair would be THIS short but it is no longer healthy so short hair is better. I cannot even imagine having hair that I had in high school now!:
But this is me now:
I believe this picture was taken last summer.
I thought about this, so yesterday, I was running the comb through my hair, and it was just a little bit knotty. I sleep entirely on my back at night in my Tempur-pedic bed (that my Parents bought me an a couple years ago) and sometimes I turn my head to the left or to the right. Mostly to the left because I am left-handed.
So my hair gets knotty and I put my right hand on my head, as well as I am trying to pull the comb through my hair with my left hand. I make a face when it kind of hurts. I asked my Mom yesterday if I look like Daddy when I make that face as I am combing my hair. She was kind of disinterested walking back-and-forth from the kitchen to the laundry room in my bedroom and I just answered it myself. “ I probably do.” I look like my Dad.
Maroon 5 came on my Apple Music playlist all of the time when I just played one song. I was listening to this song a lot because my soul hurts:
The weather is getting warmer and that means that I am uncomfortable. I only listen to two Maroon 5 albums. They are in my playlist. It’s just their first two albums Songs about Jane and It Won’t be Soon Before Long.
Sadly, they sold out after that. at least that’s what I think. Those two albums are my fave. I’m posting songs from their sophomore album here now:
And I have to start with this song. My dad‘s birthday is coming up:
