I came to a realization last night just after I finished flossing my teeth. It startled me annd ultimately made me cry! Let me ‘splain ya:
I came to the realization that I needed to write about this when I saw this on Facebook right after I woke up:
I did that yesterday and here’s what happened: I have been flossing my teeth to this song for a while now:
So, last night, as I was flossing my teeth, I felt the need to tell my Mom why I have been listening to this song so much. This song is my JAM! This song is me test driving a car (WITH MY FEET?!) that I would ultimately buy. This car ended up being a lease that was changed over to a purchase because I needed to affix a chair tapper to the roof of the car to house my wheelchair I drove.
This car was going to be equipped with hand controls that ultimately I ended up totaling a couple years later, because apparently, cars DON’T float! I did not realize this as I was driving to work in the rain and pitch blackness before the sun comes up that Dix was not properly irrigated!
This song clearly reminds me of that test drive because back then, I was so much more able than I am now! I love that empowerment song, because, “Everything [I] got, best believe [I] bought it!” I was explaining that to my Mom who is in the kitchen.
But then, mid-expectation, my voice cracked as I put my hands Inside my sweatshirt and put the heels of my palms against my eyes. My shoulders shook a lot more than I thought they would but I just let them shake. because the realization I have now is that in my second apartment, I was supposedly “Miss Independent” but my voice cracked just before I told my Mom, “Now I am homebound, and have a caregiver?!”
This definitely is a tough pill to swallow, because I never thought it would get like this in 1 million years! But this is where we are. It’s really quite sad if I think about it for too long…