Month: January 2024

New Developments

This morning, the right side of my mouth hurt. I have always bot the inside of my mouth on both sides. I think that’s a trait that I got from older relatives. I also have been wearing a mouthguard at night I think since 2011.

I remember that was back before I went to Barwis and I was seeing Parker (my MRT [Muscle release technique therapist]) every Monday. I came into his room and I told him that I have never been punched in the face, but I’m pretty sure this is how it feels! I remember that in a few days that I got fitted for a mouthguard at my dentist office.

I have been wearing a mouthguard to sleep since then, but this morning, the right side of my mouth really hurt and I showed my Mom. She offered to take a picture, but I shook my head. I really don’t like these new developments and I definitely DO NOT want to see them! I’ve been wearing a mouthguard for a really long time, so I don’t know why I would wake up and my mouth hurt today?!

We get our teeth cleaned next month and I will ask the dentist about it.

Maybe Next Year…

I think Sean may have been in 11th or 12th grade in high school and I think we had both just gotten off the phone we had met in the small hallway between his room and the bathroom. I’m not sure if I was saying something in my conversation but Sean told me that it was a ‘good move’ for me to get specific ornaments every year.

I was shocked to hear that from my 17-year-old son! I looked at him and I said that I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t know that he noticed what I was doing.

But here is the newest development and #MSsucksSoBADLY!!!

My Mom took this picture today, January 10:

That’s how far I got with my Christmas tree decorating this year! I didn’t even put my star on and I still can’t find my tree skirt!

I can no longer Christmas tree decorate anymore. Even when I bought my tree in 2005, I was on Canadian crutches, so my Mom helped me tremendously in our first apartment! She is an old girl, but I love how good my tree STILL looks!

I told my Mom that I missed my Christmas ornaments and we were going to put some on the tree this year but we never got around to it. Those two boxes hold all of my very specific and special ornaments. Leia snatched my Mom’s piece of pizza off of the table and she did it so quickly that it made me a little bit nervous that she was going to to get some of my ornaments. and I’ve said from the get-go that if she does that, I will have to hate her, and I really don’t want to do that!

This was the last time I put ornaments on my tree, but I didn’t even put the star on that year, I think that Sean was a Senior here because we were dressed up because we went to the Dearborn Inn for dinner:


Even without the star, my tree looks so much better in this picture than it does right now, but my Mom is going to put it away probably tomorrow. as for the tree decorating because Leia is getting older, maybe next year…

I told my Mom that I like to have my Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving and then to have it taken down the Monday after the Epiphany. It was last Sunday. Maybe next year…

In Memoriam of my, “Claw Nails”

100% of my life is routine now. I fully accept that but today, it kind of hurt a little bit for me to realize that fact.

Let me ‘splain ya,

Past pictures that I have taken on my phone will show up randomly and I saw this picture today:


This was from my Barwis days. We were laughing and I. could NOT smile that big that right now if I tried! This picture is probably a decade old. I remember that I thought that Adam’s name was. “Phil” because I thought I heard Jesse call him that. Well, it’s not, but I called him that anyway the ENTIRE time he was my trainer! I used to write about my time at Barwis and I would put it on Twitter with the hashtag, #JenAndPhil I think.

Back then, I used to grow my nails out until one broke, and then I would cut them all and let them grow out again. Sean reminded me probably about a year and a half ago about the fact that I used to pop my contacts out of my eyes with my nails. That was in our second apartment. I remember that when I heard him say that; it’s sad that it used to be like that because it’s not like that now AT ALL!!!

My Mom cuts my nails every other Monday now because they need to be cut to the nub so I can get my contacts into and out of my eyes. It’s more difficult to control my hands now but I still wear my contacts so I can see even with my glasses with my prism over my right eye.

Back in my Barwis days, Adam called my nails, “Claw Nails”:

But now, this length is what constitutes a nail cutting:


So, I think that I have just posted this in memoriam of my, “Claw Nails” because that’s no longer going to be a thing anymore. I wanted to chronicle that because I used to love washing my hair with my long fingernails and Sean told me that I had the best nails to scratch his back, but I was terrible at it. I think I have been steadily losing hand control since I started writing really, really big. I used to tell my students that I write ‘obscenely large.’

Retrospectively, I was writing so large, because I was losing control of my hand muscles. Now, I cannot write anymore at all! I appreciate that I can write all of my blog posts using my phone and voice-to-text capabilities. 😒😒😒…

Rando Tune #53

I heard John Legend singing this song in my head few days ago as I was on the verge of falling to sleep in the early hours of the morning. I remember that it was a duet, but I couldn’t remember who it was with.

I thought of that again today, what I hear is John Legend Saying “shoeyou a safe place to land” I just searched it, and the duet is with Sara Bareilles?! Of course it is!!! And here is the song:

Low and Behold

I’ve been searching for this song for three days! Ever since I saw, The Secret: Dare to Dream.

I was trying to find a lyric I could search for to get the song and I wasn’t having any luck, so then I searched: “What song is the woman singing when Bray is fixing Miranda‘s roof?”

And low and behold:


I’ve decided that I really like that movie and my Mom hasn’t seen the whole thing through since the first time we watched it but I’m OK with putting that on. Repeat!

“Grandfather and Abuela’s Song”

The other day, when I talked to Sean about my “Daddy” playlist, he told me that there were two songs that I was missing from that playlist. I was surprised and I asked him, “Which songs?” He simply said, “The Jetplane song.”

I gasped because I could not believe that I forgot that song! I searched for it as we were still talking on the phone. I found it and then put it into the playlist and let me ’splain ya about that song:

The song he was talking about is Peter Paul and Mary. Leaving on the Jet Plane.
That song was a special song to my Parents when my Dad left for Vietnam. I have known that song since I was a child!!!

Sean knows that song because we lived with my Parents until Sean was three years old and I was in college. I graduated with my undergraduate degree on May 1, 2005. We moved out on our own on August 1, 2005.

I was studying to be a teacher and I read parenting magazines all of the time. I was MORE THAN AWARE of the importance of reading to my child!!! I read to him every night! Sometimes as many as three books! What I realize now is that I was so exhausted because MS was raging through my body that sometimes I could only read one book or sometimes two.

On those days, because Sean was still awake, I would ask him if he wanted to hear, “Grandfather, and Abuela’s song?” by asking that, if he agreed, I would sing Peter Paul, and Mary’s song, sometimes up to three times until Sean was asleep.

I could just lay in bed with my eyes closed and sing until Sean was asleep. I listened to that song tonight before I started writing and it brought me to tears! It brought me to tears because I no longer can sing. I don’t have enough strength to get enough air into my lungs to let it come out sounding good.

I cried about that tonight, and my Mom said to me when she saw me crying, and I told her that I can no longer sing, she said,”You are still Sean‘s mom” and I know that she is right but today, I kind of wish that I could still sing!:

17 Years Later

So, I wrote about that Maroon 5 song that I added to my “Daddy” playlist. I hadn’t heard it for a while so I played it last night when I read over my blog post. Well, I lost it!… Again. 17 years later!!!

I turned this song on and as I heard the opening bars, I saw myself driving to the School of Education at U of M Dearborn. It was just off main campus and driving there from my work, seeing that I have lived in Dearborn for my entire life, certain landmarks hold deep memories for me!

I think that I have written about this memory before, but it was just after my Dad died when I was still in school to get my masters degree. The School of Education building is on the way to the Henry Ford dialysis center. I think it had been just months after my Dad had died and I was driving to school after I had to teach for the day.

Something that I have realized now that I no longer work, it was SO BEYOND tiring to work for the 12 years that I did work! So, I was tired and I still needed to go to class. As I was driving to school in a familiar environment, I saw a car that was my Dad’s car! My Dad had stopped driving for a few years before he died but you couldn’t tell me that then when that car turned into the dialysis center.

I gasped and turned into the parking lot of the building where my class was. I always parked in the front in the disabled parking. I pulled into the spot, and I lost it! I told Sean that the other day. I never told him that before. He was only four. but 17 years later, I thought I could handle it, but when I heard the bars, turns out that I can’t!!!:


I chose this video of this song because I think it’s more dramatic and I can’t believe that it affected as much as it did, correction: as much as it DOES! 17 years later?!!!

Because I Played it 10 Million Times!

I have written before how I shared a playlist with my oldest nephew, not too long ago. He asked me about a playlist that I made for my Dad. I made it for my Dad’s 55th birthday and I gave him 55 singles to commemorate the day. I did not think that in less than three months, he would be gone.

Right after I sent that to my nephew, I sent it to my son just so he would have it as well. Yesterday, he decided to tell me about myself, and he said that I shared that playlist with my nephew. Before he said anything more, I told him that I sent that playlist to him as well that same day, and he should look for it!

He told me to send it to him again so I did, but I told him that I added two Toby Keith songs for my Mom because we listened to Toby Keith a lot after my Dad died! Then I told Sean that I added two songs for me. Maroon 5 and U2.

He called me when he was driving home and he told me that he did not recognize the Maroon 5 song and he waited until Adam Levine started singing, and then he said, “I’ve heard that song 10 million times!” And I just responded with, “Because I played it 10 million times!”: