I think it was close to 2 o’clock in the morning this morning when I saw this picture in my phone. I was clearing out text messages and I saw this one from my cousin from Texas and when I opened it up, I had to *Gasp*!!!
This is my great aunt, Olga and great uncle, Rey. She was my grandpa‘s sister and this was my grandma‘s funeral. Both of them are passed now which makes this picture is in sweeter!
I’m still not okay with what I am eating now. But this is the way it will be from here on out. I haven’t watched any TV yet because on Wednesday I will talk to my Speech Pathologist so maybe I will get a little more put into perspective regarding all of this disease progression.
I think of that movie Zathura when Dex Shepard was explaining to his younger self that he ate ‘paste from a tube for the past 15 years.’ That’s pretty much what I am eating now but I am not complaining! I think the new nutrition shake is give me a little bit more energy! This is so much to think about!!!:
Today, when I drank my new nutrition shake for breakfast, to my surprise, it was a little bit sweeter. So much so that I am confident that I will be able to drink this for the next 34 days without a problem.
Since I met with my nutritionist on the 11th of this month, aside from watching High School Musical 3 (because we had to finish the trilogy!) I have just been listening to my Gavin DeGraw playlist because my new nutrition needs are a lot to deal with! Listening to Gavin DeGraw reminds me of our apartments and when I was really starting to grow up and I had a three-year-old child with me and I was a little more able-bodied back then. I was still driving:
Of course, I thought (and have heard this one a number of times) of this song:
The new nutrition shakes arrived yesterday to my house and my Mom put them in the fridge to get cold. When I awoke today, I had one with my vitamins. I must say that I am NOT a fan! But I want to follow up quickly by saying that I am okay with it!
I am understanding that at this point for me, nutrition is at a caloric level. I need the calories to have the energy and after drinking the nutrition shake today and getting our routine done, I am tired but I am NOT exhausted!
That’s the reason why I am okay with the nutrition shake NOT tasting good. Just because I am not a fan of it does NOT mean that I will NOT drink it because I definitely will be doing that for the next 35 days! I will order the vanilla shakes from Target when I get paid next month and those shakes will be 5% off from what I paid this month. So I guess that it is a ‘win-win’?!
Parts of both of my Amazon and Target orders arrived today. My new nutrition shakes are chilling in the refrigerator right now for consumption tomorrow with my vitamins.
Today, I had an epiphany, a realization that floored me! I have always said in all of my MS support groups to tell newly diagnosed people that carbs and sugar are not your friends!!! Because they definitely are not and have not been for me!
But now, 22 years in to this beast, I am slowly discovering that both carbs and sugar are a necessary evil for me to exist. In talking with my nutritionist, it’s necessary for me to have more calories now. It feels so strange!!!
I am grateful that my new shakes arrived today and they’re in the fridge for me to try one tomorrow. A friend told me that they think it will taste a lot better and I agreed with them because they have 29 carbs! I have to change my way of thinking about all of this. Both carbs and sugar are going to be necessary evils for my existence now…
I’m not sure what I was doing on April 11, 2018, but I’m sure that yet less than a year after meniscus surgery that I was in too much pain to listen to this song. I didn’t even know it came out until today! You know that I had to research it because it’s been seven days and my dam is finally broken!
I got paid today and ordered my new nutrition shakes. They are coming tomorrow. This is so much change! So I’ve just been listening to this song a few times to let the tears flow and it’s a good thing I no longer wear make up:
I remember when I first started teaching and I was good friends with Mr. Wright and I had just really started hitting the South Beach diet hard because I was in charge of my own groceries.
It was summer time just before school started and I was noticing a terrible taste in my mouth. Mr. Wright explained to me that is when your body goes into ketosis. It’s your fat burning phase.
I remember telling him that it tastes disgusting and he agreed as he ripped a piece of gum in half and gave me half of a piece of gum and said that it tastes like, ”Dead rabbit.” I remember that I laughed and agreed with him as I ate my half a piece of gum.
I am really having a hard time dealing with the change in my nutrition needs! The new development is that as I am getting ready for the day, my tongue begins to feel coded and I need to run my tongue across my teeth to get that faint but unmistakable, ”Dead rabbit” taste.
This fact is startling to me because I am not doing anything to consciously burn the fat stores in my body! But, it’s happening! I get paid tomorrow and I am ordering the new nutrition shakes so as to maybe have more energy.
I’ve been listening to Gavin DeGraw as I am trying to get okay with all of my disease progression and things I have to do because of that. As I run my tongue over my teeth with the faint, but unmistakable ‘’dead rabbit’ taste:
It’s a song that does not fit with how I’m feeling except for this line:
It’s the strangest feeling to get faint doing very easy things but the fact that I am getting paid tomorrow so I will order the new nutrition shakes and maybe The ‘dead rabbit’ taste will go away.
I guess since it is a holiday today, MLK day, I will continue reeling trying to figure out what’s going on with my nutrition! I get faint and this is all a big thing! I think of grandmother willow, “…so serious!”:
I have often thought about GrandmotherWillow saying this because I saw Pocahontas so many times when I had chickenpox and my Dad was home from work because he was sick as well.
I love the story about him hiding the movie because I would watch it three times a day. He was in the bathroom and I could not find the movie to watch it after my morning game shows. I asked him through the door and he’s just sad, “Oh, I don’t know!” I looked through the papers by his chair and I found it. I called out, “I found it!… by your papers!” and then I started watching it for the day.
I am only beginning to try to figure all of this stuff out for my disease progression. I really don’t know how to put it into words how I am feeling but this is insane!!!
It’s crazy that this song popped into my head and I’m pretty sure that I haven’t shared it before because I haven’t thought of it before. I am taking back to middle school, my friend, Erica, and her older brother’s potato pancakes.
I can’t remember what number I am on with my Rando tunes but here it is:
Okay, so, I think this all happened at my last nutritionist appointment when the floodgates opened because they are wide open now! My Mom told me that it’s like my tears are like California and I told her that I know I’m crying a lot but nowhere near 24,000,000,000,000 gallons!
I told her that I am grateful that I no longer wear make up and that I have never been vain. I told her last night that I choose to think of my tears as, “Strong silent tears” but then she mentioned this sheer volume!
This really has been a lot and I’m ordering my new nutrition shakes on Wednesday when I get paid. For the past few days, I have been listening to my Gavin DeGraw playlist because it reminds me of my apartments. Sean texted me this last night at 11:53 pm:
I guess I have had an influence on his musical tastes!: