Wednesday and Thursday were pretty rough days for me! It wasn’t until about 5 o’clock this morning before I had even fallen asleep from last night that I realized what’s going on. It is a complete and seismic paradigm shift!!!
This was definitely a paradigm shift that I was not fully prepared for but it’s here now and I just have to deal. I have a feeling this will be a lengthily blog post as I am currently trying to work this out in my head in real time!
I think that I just need to start out by saying that I have been weight conscious my entire life. it was at about five this morning that I realized this seismic paradigm shift it’s a lot to handle! I will say that there was a reason that my brother nicknamed me, “Chubb Rock City” when I was young.
That’s pretty much been me for my entire life! I started thinking about origins and I think ever since we moved out of my Parents’ house in 2005, when I was in charge of the groceries, I started low carbing it and I started off with the South Beach diet because that was more green than the Atkins diet and not as meaty!!!
I was told when we were living in our second apartment that I had nothing but, ”Rabbit food” in my refrigerator. I didn’t dispute it and I just shut the refrigerator door. I was the one buying the groceries and vegetables were very good for Sean when he was that young.
In 2010, I received my masters degree and became the reading specialist for my school. As I was working out my schedule with administration, we mutually agreed upon me having a working lunch to properly run both of my reading programs.
Enter the Atkins shakes. Specifically, Dark Chocolate Royale. I have been drinking Atkins shakes since 2010. Back then, it was in place of my lunch. There have always been Atkins shakes in my refrigerator for the entire time I have lived in my current home.
Now, things are starting to get serious. But it’s not like they haven’t been serious for 22 years because they definitely have been!!! I have dealt with so many losses in the past 22 years and they range so vastly! Not being able to walk for as long as I haven’t been able to has been quite difficult and the recent loss of my singing abilities it’s a blow to my soul!
But now my symptoms are so serious!!! I think I can track my new symptoms back to June 2019? That’s when one of the trifecta that I am currently dealing with begin to show its ugly head. NO! It started back when I was pregnant!
The current trifecta of symptoms I am dealing with are: my loss of vision, my difficulty with speech, and my inability to chew food. Those three things are kind of really weighing heavy on me right now and let me explain:
I was diagnosed with optic neuritis in my third trimester of pregnancy and I would say it was back in June 2019 when I told my Mom that eating is no longer easy or enjoyable. In October 2021, during my swallow test, my current speech pathologist asked me if I was losing weight without trying to. I did not take her question seriously and I answered flippantly, “There’s always weight to be lost!” But I did seriously answer her that I used to wear an extra large sweatshirt but now I wear a size medium.
I didn’t seriously think about this back when she asked me this because I’ve always been chubby. There’s always weight to be lost! but I think it’s serious now.
I met with Sarah my nutritionist virtually on Wednesday. When I get the cyst on my back looked at, she asked me to get a weight. She also wants to change my morning Atkins shake to a different nutrition shake. I am currently eating overnight oats for both lunch and dinner with protein, Chia seeds, peanut butter, and maple syrup.
I was told that chewing would eventually become difficult so I knew it was going to come but I didn’t expect it to be here now! That fact coupled with the fact that my vision is dimming so noticeably now and the fact that speaking is so difficult, it’s all taking it’s toll on me!
I am lucky that the new nutrition shakes she wants me to take are available both on Amazon and at Target. It’s good that I already place monthly orders for my medical needs on both of those sites.
Because I am a scheduler, I Will order one box of 12 shakes on Amazon when I get paid and I’ve figured out that I will just drink Atkins shakes until they are all gone and then I will start the Orgain Nutrition Shakes. And lastly, I have vowed that I would never tell anyone how much weight I gained when I was pregnant because I tipped the scales until I lost it all. Again, with this seismic paradigm shift, that all seems moot now.
At my last OB appointment before I had Sean probably about four or five days later, I weighed 198 pounds.