Tilt OR Internal V External Pain

Still trying to process all of the things that are going on with me! I feel like I am in a cartoon and Daffy duck is being pushed around in a pinball and he gets all crazy eyes because he’s dizzy and then the red letters, “Tilt” comes on the screen because he is totally in overload. Well, that’s how I feel right now!!!

And this is why:

It still is a matter of internal pain verses external pain. I can totally and completely handle internal pain! I have been doing that for 21+ years! Not by choice! But this is the way it is! But, external pain not so much. I have been realizing that the past four days! I have been experiencing external pain for about a week. Last Tuesday, I went to the dermatologist and had him help with the sores/blisters that irrupt it on the outside of both of my feet.

That same day, we bought new shoes for me to help with that because my other shoes were the ones that gave me the blisters/sores and I’m trying to deal with that right now and I’ll write about it soon.

But, to deal with the sores on my feet, which I normally can’t feel so it really doesn’t hurt me, hurts now! My Mom will take my socks off at night and tend to the sores with Neosporin. To let my feet air out, I will sleep in my bed without compression socks. In ‘zero gravity’ mode which is most comfortable. Doctors have been telling me since I started wearing them in 2016 that I should take them off when I sleep but I did not want to do that because I depended on them so much. I was too afraid to! But now, I HAVE to! But, the reason I have to wear them 24 seven it’s because I no longer have blood flow in my legs. My legs begin to swell in 2016 and that’s when I started wearing them. At first, I just wore them for a few days at a time and I take a couple days off but then it became apparent that I can’t take any time off for long periods of time.

But, for the last four days, I realize why I HAVE to keep them on all night! I have CRYSTAL CLEAR realization/revelation for the past four days by being ripped out of my sleep because my legs are throbbing so terribly! Hey I’m not really familiar with this song but it was the B side of, “My name is Luca” by Suzanne Vega. It wasn’t even my tape but I vaguely remember the song and as I am being ripped for my sleep at about 6:30 in the morning, this song plays in my head:

I am NOT a fan at all of this external pain but I fear that it will take a long while to heal! My MS ridden body no longer heals they quickly at all! I wonder how long this is going to take but this one is a difficult pill to swallow for sure!