From the moment I woke up, I was struggling to get ahead of my pain and discomfort! NOT The “Birthday Eve”that I wanted!!! It took my entire prayer time today to begin to overcome it. I put on my Apple Music playlist to try to relax a little more.
Well, it worked! I just clicked with what was playing last night and when this song started, I was back in my first apartment and we had just moved in! I was in the kitchen making dinner and checking on the wash that was just off of the kitchen.
On days like today, I like being able to escape to my memories because I can crystal clearly see myself walking around my first department! So it’s in these moments that I can escape to my memories to be able to handle the reality of what is happening right now. That, being my pain.
This song sparked my memory and I’ve been living in it for a while now!:
I was talking with my Mom yesterday and I don’t remember but somehow I gave the answer of, ”That’s because I am in, “Survival Mode” now.” I think it was about me going somewhere. After I said that, tears started welling in my eyes.
The real weight of that statement hit me and because I have PBA, I cry a lot and there are many times that my Mom will ask me why am crying and I will answer, “I don’t know!”
I COMPLETELY knew WHY I was crying but I just let the tears flow and let my Mom believe that I had no control over them. It is extremely difficult to realize that so much in life I cannot partake in anymore. I did however, get a haircut yesterday!
I got the haircut and two eyebrows for my 40th birthday on Saturday and I’m excited about that! But, because I left the house yesterday, I have to recover today. The back of my sweatshirt is itching me but I can’t even attend to that! I may be in, “Survival Mode” now but I have standards!!!
As I have written extensively about the change in my sleeping position, there is also a change in my Mom helping me in and out of bed. It is quite involved, now!!! And with that added involvement, it has also added groans on my part! My Mom finally got me up and seated just as I turned my head toward the living room to see Leia trading toward us! Her little ears were at attention! My Momj heard her feet and said that if she could go hands, then she could be of assistance. I told her that she is here for moral support. I told my Mom that Leia is our therapy dog!
I had a virtual doctor appointment today with my speech pathologist. She had to change our game plan because I was having a lot of difficulty speaking and I was not able to read from a children’s book. I was stressed out! It started last night and at the risk of having this blog post also being, “A downer,” here goes:
I was stressed out because as I had written before about a change in my sleeping position and the fact that I sleep like a vampire now. But what was most unsettling yesterday is the fact that I was wide awake . REM sleep hasn’t been a thing for me for at least a decade! My body cannot relax enough to allow sleep and I’m okay with that. It just really stunk yesterday that I was so awake and I thought of this video:
I remember seeing this video when I was a kid and I remember the guy laying on the bed and nodding his head to the music. Well, not really but I remember his head moving and I remember him talking during the video. Today, after my speech pathologist appointment, I watched the video again because it has been at least 30 years since I have seen it. It was just like I remembered it and I listened to the soldier talking. I watched the video three times. I cried all three times!!!
My situation was not caused by a landmine but it is similar. So much has been taken away from me already and I actually talked to God last night about how much worse it will get I really am trapped in myself now…
So, this is my final week of being 39. I’m really excited for my birthday on Saturday! This is going to be a BIG birthday!
I have just changed my sleeping position and I think it’s kind of bothering me! I have two things going on with me! Not only am I about to be 40, I have had MS for over 21 years. I never would have thought that sleeping would become difficult but it has! I remember sleeping in my bed in my second apartment like I was a vampire.
By that I mean that I do NOT roll over in bed. I just laid on my back for the entire night, until my alarm would go off so I would get up and get ready for work. It was not until I moved into our house and I started going to Barwis that that changed. I stopped sleeping like a vampire and started moving around in bed and sleeping on my side and even sometimes on my stomach for a short time.
I was working with Michael Rhoades and still working out at Barwis and I remember talking about the fact that The front of my hips were hurting. We talked about that happening because I was seated in a wheelchair all day long. He told me that I should lay on my stomach for at least 10 minutes before I fall asleep. He said that that would ease the fact that my muscles are contracted all day long.
From the day he told me that, I would lay on my stomach before I would ultimately sleep on my side. Then I hurt my knee again and it was impossible for me to lay on my stomach with my Injured and surgically repaired knee so I stopped doing it for a while. But now that I am almost five years post surgery, I can lay on my stomach again. But now, there’s a new wrinkle, I no longer can control my body enough to move around in bed. For the past two days, I have reverted back to sleeping like a vampire because it has also been just over five years since I’ve worked out at fBarwis.
Lsst night as I was staring at my ceiling before falling asleep, I could hear raindrops on my windows and roof and I thought of this song as a eventually drifted off to sleep. I remember buying this CD single from Fairlane mall when I was in high school:
I have never watched the entire movie This is 40 because I figured set I wasn’t 40 yet so I still had time to watch it but now I am going to be 40 so I guess I better do it! I’ve heard it’s funny, but it’s totally like me to be late to the party!
Okay, this happened a couple days ago and I think that I LOVE my Facebook family and friends for their reaction to it!!!:
I looked at it and I think it was I had shared posts with misinformation. Apparently, the change in the zodiac signs was false and Betty White had a quote after death but that was not hers. it only took a couple of days before I started to see the true colors from my Facebook family and friends! I am glad that they did not think this was a bad thing and the comments they left were hilarious! A former teacher of mine told me that I couldn’t always be good and a cousin of mine told me that, “It’s a Rios thing.”
My favorite comment came from a DC parent and she was Sean‘s shotput coach when he was in fourth grade! He just simply wrote: “#FreeJenRios.” I left the most to add this one but then the gifs started and they kept making me laugh!
I love this little kid too!
And this one coming from my aunt whom I used to spend weekends at her house with my cousin made me laugh lots!!!
It’s not like I was sharing State secrets or anything but whatever! I just realize that today is the last Sunday that I will be 39. Next weekend, I turn 40 years old!!!
So, I had to do this today because I cannot move the plunger down in my Chapstick and I didn’t want to waste it::
I HAVE TO finish it to the end! (Just like Christian Wolff in TheAccountant) I have only realized that I do that now that as my disease has progressed as far as it has. I am pretty much homebound now. I only leave my house when I have doctor appointments in person. I have virtual doctor appointments now that Covid is a thing.
I also leave my house once a month to get my haircut and my eyebrows waxed. But the woman who cuts my hair and waxes my eyebrows just had a baby so I was not able to get a haircut or my eyebrows waxed. I’m going on March 9, just in time for my birthday!
But, I pride myself in finishing it to the end. Simple pleasures! But, there was one instance where I ruined it by smashing the cap on the broken plunger of Chapstick. I think of that as my one B+ in grad school. I got one of those! But, in my defense, that same semester I also got an A+, so on my transcripts it’s like I got an A- instead of a B+. That really doesn’t matter because no one ever looked at my transcripts even when I got hired into my one and only ”Big Girl” job.
I have come to realize that #MyGirlL is a savage!!! Now, I did not come to realize this until much later in the day but let me explain to you what happened. It all started while I was sleeping and my Mom was going to take Leia out for a walk. She harnessed her up and opened the door and left but upon opening the door, there were three squirrels on my porch!!! My girl was NOT going to stand for that! They scurried across the porch but Leia was able to get a hold of one of them!
I did not know any of this while I was sleeping. All I heard was my Mom’s urgent screams but I could not understand what she was saying and then the door closed. I grabbed my phone that my Mom put by my side and tried to call her immediately! My mom answered the phone and told me that she was okay but Leia got a squirrel.
it was the only hours later that I heard the story second hand while my Mom was on the phone with my aunt Lola. They talked of pictures and once they were off of the phone, I asked my Mom for them. My Mom sent me two pictures and I laughed when I received them!
in this picture, Leia is staring at the squirrel she just attacked because I have since learned that she got a hold of one of the squirrels and shook it until my Mom told her to drop it so it was able to get away. For anyone who knows my Mom, you know that she is NOT savage! Leia missed out on her first kill because my Mom told her to drop it! Sean loved hearing the story when my Mom told him and my brothers told us that Leis was down to fight because when we got her, there was a rat in the garage and she sniffed it out and it hissed st her but we haven’t seen it since.
You see the stare of an animal who wishes to have killed the animal that is running up and down the telephone pole!:
The second picture that my Mom sent to me was a picture of my porch and the crime scene! Leia’s mouth was bleeding but she did not flinch once my Mom cleaned it. Sean thinks that it was the squirrel who was bleeding so much but we will find out soon enough I guess.
I guess that #MyGirlL is a savage and I kind of like that!
My Mom and I have recently been talking about this because now it is Lent. I have reminded her that from 1996 to 2000, it was my job to hold the reservation at Red Lobster. Let me explain:
My family would go to Red Lobster during lent for my birthday for seafood because meat was not supposed to be eaten on Friday and we are Catholic. A couple things to note here: 1. Between the years 1996 to 2000, Lent was during my Birthday Month. I didn’t have a “Birthday Month” back then but I just want to say that it was a IRTHDAY dinner for ME. 2. Red Lobster does not accept reservations for large groups without someone waiting in the waiting area to hold the place.
Back then, I would have to make a reservation for 12 people by checking in at the hostess desk. Now, my immediate family is 22 people and my Dad is gone. Was the only one still in high school so I didn’t have a job to go to so that is how my Mom explained it to me. I’m pretty sure that my Mom dropped me off to wait at the restaurant my freshman year but in 1997, 1998, 1999, and 2000, I drove myself to wait.
Some thing that I want to point out here is that I do not like seafood at all! I would always order a clam chowder and fill up on shrimp and biscuits. When I was in high school, I always preferred to have my birthday dinner at Wendy’s. But, it was Lent so that was NOT an option! It took about an hour for them to get enough tables cleared to accommodate my party of 12. I sat there staring at the lobster tank for that entire hour!!:
My family members would start to arrive after I had been waiting by myself for about 45 minutes. I would tell them all the time that we all could eat at Wendy’s for about 20 bucks. But for me now, even with all of my complaining and my wait by myself for an hour, we made some really great family memories there!
The last time we went there as a family was when we went there with my Dad‘s friend at work after his death. Sean took me there for Mother’s Day when he was 16 and that hit a little differently.
I watched The Quiet Man today and I have seen this movie over 1 million times but I noticed something today! It made me laugh… kind of a lot!
What I noticed has to do with the boozer who is the matchmaker, Michaleen Oge Flynn. what I noticed is just after Sean Thorton (John Wayne) shakes hands with well Dannaher, he is welcomed to the town but all the other guys. But what I noticed when the bartender is pouring drinks for everyone, Michaleen takes three of the field glasses in a row that leaves John Wayne with nothing and that made me laugh probably more than it should have because I just noticed it! I’ve laughed at all of his comments before about Maureen O’Hara having a steady hand and the fact that, “When [he]drinks water, [he] drinks water and when [he] drinks whiskey, [he] drinks whiskey.” ‘ hi love this movie for so many reasons but some thing I have thought about in the past three days is that I still REALLY wish I was born an Irish redhead! But, since that did not happen nor will it ever. I will just watch these movies a bunch of times in a row (especially during March which is the triple threat of being my Birthday Month, being MS Awareness Month, and being St. Patrick’s Day!)
