I had a virtual doctor appointment today with my speech pathologist. She had to change our game plan because I was having a lot of difficulty speaking and I was not able to read from a children’s book. I was stressed out! It started last night and at the risk of having this blog post also being, “A downer,” here goes:
I was stressed out because as I had written before about a change in my sleeping position and the fact that I sleep like a vampire now. But what was most unsettling yesterday is the fact that I was wide awake . REM sleep hasn’t been a thing for me for at least a decade! My body cannot relax enough to allow sleep and I’m okay with that. It just really stunk yesterday that I was so awake and I thought of this video:
I remember seeing this video when I was a kid and I remember the guy laying on the bed and nodding his head to the music. Well, not really but I remember his head moving and I remember him talking during the video. Today, after my speech pathologist appointment, I watched the video again because it has been at least 30 years since I have seen it. It was just like I remembered it and I listened to the soldier talking. I watched the video three times. I cried all three times!!!
My situation was not caused by a landmine but it is similar. So much has been taken away from me already and I actually talked to God last night about how much worse it will get I really am trapped in myself now…