‘A Time to Weep’

Today, I had a memory of my Dad sitting at his place in the dining room. I had this thought and clear picture in my mind because my Mom and I were talking about my Mom taking the car to Warholak it to get the tires checked. Every time I think of that place, I think of my Dad because it smelled like it did in my Dad‘s truck. I think of Mike and Paul being my Dad‘s friends and the banter they used to have with each other. I was thinking of my Dad when Sean called. He asked me if I was with my Mom and I told him that I was, he asked her if he knew someone. Apparently, that someone came to the door and asked after my brother, Ray. The someone who came to the door was a handyman who did work at our house when I was a child. Sean used both of this man’s names and once he asked my Mom, I immediately asked her, “Mark The Carpenter?!”

As my Mom and I completed our routine today, I had all of these thoughts and memories of my Dad and I just started to cry. 15 years after my Dad‘s death, these tears don’t come as often but when they do, they easily flow down my cheeks. I’m not embarrassed by them and I do not try to stop them but they just flow until I am done thinking about him. Once I was finished crying, I told my Mom that I was going to write a blog post about it. She recently went to her house and was able to retrieve the picture that I wanted to share on her 50th wedding anniversary last October. I will share that here and now because my thoughts are about my Dad and I have wanted to share this picture. I remember that I bought this picture frame at Target years after this picture was taken but before my Dad died. Another clear memory I have had for pretty much my entire life is the fact that this passage has been underlined in our family Bible. My mom loves these verses.

So, I guess that I am feeling quite vulnerable today but I don’t feel embarrassed by all of the tears I seem to be crying today. I just miss my Dad! is it it’s like this sometimes even 15 years in, I guess, for me, right now, it’s a time to weep.