Grief

My Mom’s basement flooded Saturday morning. I am lucky so far that my basement has not flooded. She has gone to her house every day to clean up the enormous mess after we complete our routine. I told her when she left on Saturday that anything that is mine, she can just throw out! I haven’t lived there for 16 years so I can do without anything that is there.

She came to my house last night with the bag and went straight to the bathroom after she took Leia out to go potty. She told me that she has bad news and even worse news. In that bag she had a wet wedding album of hers. I felt badly for her as she took the album apart and separated and cleaned each picture. Yes she was doing this, it took a while and then I asked her “What’s the even worse news?

She brought a wet picture to me that I remember taking and I was grateful that it was saved from the flood:

I stared at this picture for a long time and continued to cry. I think it was a couple years after my Dad died when my Mom got these pictures developed. I’m not even sure why we had a camera there and it probably was just a roll of film and my mom‘s refrigerator. I remember when it was first developed and the first time I saw it I looked at our faces and I remember not being able to smile when the person taking the picture (and I don’t even remember who took the picture) said, “Ready?”

My world was so cracked at that point in my life! Our faces struck me and my Mom told me that this picture shows our grief. Seeing it last night tall really got to me! It REALLY shows our grief but seeing it yesterday, I noticed so much more! I was still walking with crutches back then and it shocked me to see myself standing! I was standing tall and I haven’t stood so effortlessly since then!

I texted this picture to two of my friends last night. I wrote that it’s, “Me and my Parents” I’m still super affected by seeing this picture. I am so grateful that it is not lost forever but I had not thought about this picture since we took it and seeing it a couple years later. I think my grief is apparent today as well even though it’s so many years later. I think the tears coming out of my eyes is my REAL tell though.