Month: June 2020

Terror OR, “Good Teeth”?

So, it’s no wonder that I have been holed up in my house for the past four months because I am absolutely terrified of this disease! I am certain that my broken immune system will not be able to handle that at all and I don’t want to think about what that really means. Being terrified of the virus has always made me think of this scene from The Sword and the Stone:

As the death toll mounted, I couldn’t bring myself to share my thoughts about COVID-19. It was disrespectful! I saw this map this morning while watching the news:

Seeing this map rekindled my terror!!! But I have a dental cleaning appointment tomorrow. I have gotten my teeth cleaned every six months since Sean started getting his teeth cleaned. I liked it when he got a little bit older and I was able to book our appointments simultaneously so he could get his teeth done at the same time I got mine. Now that he has graduated from high school, I no longer have to make his cleaning appointments and my Mom is going to take me tomorrow because Dr. Fox just told me that I’ve always had good teeth so I want to keep that up!

I shared my original thoughts on COVID-19 by sharing this video because it is keeping terror at bay! Or at least out of my mind while I exit my house for the second time in those four months to get my teeth cleaned.

Me and my Broken Immune System

I’ve read a lot of opinions about what exactly is wrong with my immune system and why it is attacking my nervous system. #MSsucks!!! Regardless, after I finished my silent tears in my driveway with my mask and sunglasses on, I took a moment to think about the fact that I was completely overwhelmed at having left my house yesterday for the first time in four months:

I thought of this song and how I told Mr. Wright about it while I was still working. I told them that I liked it and suggested it to him after hearing a live version on the radio the night before. He listened to it and told me that they were,“A boy band.” I laughed but I really liked hearing the live version of this song. Maybe they are but I dug it!:

Tunes. Tears, and “Good Teeth”

I hadn’t been in my car for four months and once I was loaded clearly into it (a really BIG ordeal), I turned the radio on. I bought myself ask somebody do you when I graduated from grad school. I have an extremely eclectic presets in my car and this was the first song I heard:

This song reminds me of the Olympics and eating at Logan‘s roadhouse with Sean. I took this as a good omen! Mom was reminded of my car radio ADD as a constantly changed the presets. She just let me change the station at will because she knows that I really don’t get out of the house often and especially now! I was EXTREMELY terrified to even be out of my house! As I change the stations, I heard some vintage Maroon 5 in Taylor Swift and I liked that. On the right there I heard this Bruno Mars song:

My Mom really didn’t like that song but on the way back, I heard:

We were about halfway there before I start really being attention to the radio and started to realize the magnitude of being outside. I begin to cry. I didn’t wipe my face and I knew my Mom couldn’t tell that I was crying anyway:

Once we get into the dentist, it was different with the masks and the questions but it really was the same because I have been going to the dentist for the past 30 years! Sean has gone there for the past 15 as well. Dr. Fox talked with me and my Mom showed him the gross pictures of my mouth before he began his exam. Just before he started his exam of my mouth, he told me that he did not think we would find anything because I have, “Always had good teeth!” That made me smile because I don’t know that he has ever told me that before.

he gave me a thorough exam and put my mouthguard in my mouth which still fit. He talked about possible electric toothbrushes because I explained about being heavy-handed and scratching my gums occasionally. He had Joan get me another toothbrush and since my Mom was with me, she got one too because Dr. Fox’s her dentist as well!

As we waited for the toothbrushes at the front desk, he begin writing in my file and he and my Mom talked about my brothers and my dental work that we all had there. As he was writing, I’d let him know that he was the first adult I met who was also left-handed! He laughed and said that he has been for the past 40 years as well! My Mom talked about my Dad and my brothers and my dental work again and he talked about my good exam again and I responded that, “My Dad would be proud!”

Once we got home, I waited in the car as my Mom went inside and attended to Leia because we had crated her. Something we haven’t done since we first got her. I stared off into space and vaguely remember hearing the music but not listening to it and I began to cry again because this whole thing was pretty overwhelming! I had the terror of being outside amid this virus but also I had thoughts of my Dad and all of the time we spent at that dentist office. It really did feel like, “Home!”

Terrified OR #Matchers!

So, sometime in my earlier days of being the Reading Specialist at my school, I started to experience TMJ. I was seeing Parker then and I remember telling him that I had never been punched in the face but that’s how my jaw feels! He worked on my face muscles and made them feel better. He told me that I should talk to my dentist about getting fitted for a mouthguard to help with the pain because I am most likely I’m grinding my teeth at night.

i’m sure that Dr. Fox was able to see me within a week. As a teacher who had just finished her masters degree and had just become the school’s Reading Specialist and was being given the task of learning and implementing two reading programs to the school, what an earth did I have to be stressed about?!

So, because of my teeth grinding at night, I started to wear my newly acquired mouthguard every night. It’s been part of my routine for years. But then, probably a couple weeks ago, I woke up to large blood blisters on my upper gums on both sides of my mouth. I didn’t know they were blood blisters until the one on the right side of my mouth burst. It’s pretty gross to taste a mouth full of blood!

When we called the dentist, I gave her my history of having the mouthguard and she was not surprised at all and said I may need to adjust it or get fit for a new one. I made the appointment for yesterday.

Now, I haven’t been out of my house since February 19th. After months of watching the death toll rise, the thought of leaving the house terrified me but my newly developed mouth sores terrified me a little bit more! I had no choice but to get it checked out!

I recently ordered a second pair of sunglasses because they were really comfortable and did and excellent job of completely blocking out the sunlight from my eyes. My Mom wanted to borrow them yesterday because it was sunny so we were #Matchers! The masks that my best friend had made us, we were #ExtraMatchers!!!

4 Months

I had to leave my house for the first time in four months (to the day) to go to the dentist. I will explain my dental problem later (probably tomorrow) because I am so tired. It really is a strange, new, “Normal”:

I was out of my house for a few hours and the whole ordeal involved some good music, tears, and lots of hearing my Dad‘s voice:

I got this mug from my cousin, Kimmy, not too long ago. Those words are what I heard my Dad say to me.

A Distant Speck in my Rearview Mirror

So, last night, my Mom and I w arched 13 Going On 30. I haven’t seen that movie in like 15 years or so. I think I was a junior in high school when it came out. I forgot how much I dog and still dig this song!:

It was when this song was playing in the movie that I realized that 30 is a distant speck in my rearview mirror! I am rapidly approaching 40 and 30 seems so long ago! When I realized this toward the end of the movie, I thought of this song as well:

No, this song was my JAM for sure hand for so many reasons but I remember also thinking that 30 was old! If 30 is old, I am SO MUCH older! I’m totally okay with that regardless! At least I thought of some really good tunes yesterday no will be able to access them anytime on my blog!

#MyGirlL: An Update

Well, it hasn’t even been two months and I have decided that I love Leia. She has had a few big events lately and I just want to share a little bit of that so you can see why I love her.

Last Friday night, when my Mom was putting me into bed, Leia was laying in her bed in Sean‘s room. When I had a coughing fit. This has been happening for a few years now. where I begin choking on nothing but the saliva in my mouth. Both Sean and my Mom know how to deal with this. They watch me to see if I can just,“Cough it out” or if I need their assistance by grabbing my hands to help me sit upright or getting me water.

Well, Friday night was a doozy! I put my palms on the armrests of my chair to try to clear my throat by just leaning a little bit forward. That didn’t work so my Mom grabbed my hands to pull me forward. That didn’t work either so she left to get me some water. While my Mom was getting the water, Leia peaked out of Sean‘s room with her ears up. She was looking at me to see what was going on. My Mom came back with the water and I sipped it. Once my throat was clear, I held out my right hand and told Leia, “It’s OK girl, I’m alright!”

My Mom laughed at me because of how I spoke to her. But my Mom did the same thing a few days earlier. She was transferring me back into my wheelchair and it was somewhat of an awkward transfer and I kind of grunted. Once my Mom had me up and standing, she’s sad, “Sorry, honey!” as I got seated in my chair. I looked up at her and told her it was okay and she laughed and told me, “I was talking to the dog” because apparently my grunts woke her up.

My Mom had a dental emergency that needed an appointment yesterday and no one was available to watch Leia. My Mom was talking to her sister on the phone about the fact that she did not want to crate Leia. I learned very early on then I am useless when it comes to caring for Leia. I can’t do anything and we stopped creating her at night after she had been here a week but my aunt offered to watch her while my Mom was at the dentist. So, Leia had her first play date with my aunt and uncle. They are dog people and their dog, Sierra, has passed away.

I will always remember when I went to Florida for treatment. Sean, my Mom, and I went out to dinner one evening and our server came up to our table and introduced herself. Just as Sean‘s face lit up when she told us that her name was, “Sierra.” I gave him the “Death look!” I told him not to tell her that Aunt Lola’s dog has the same name and she left to get our beverages.

We recently talked about this day after we already had Leia and he agrees that it would have been a BAD idea to say that. But I couldn’t convince six-year-old Sean at the time.

So, Leia was well received at my aunt and uncle’s house yesterday and when she got home, she slept for the rest of the night! This morning, as I sat in my wheelchair trying to wake up, Leia got up on her hind legs and put her front paws on my armrest for me to pet her. I lifted my left arm to pet her hand when she saw the infamous bleach stain on my shirt:

So, when I raised my arm to pet her, she began licking the bleach stain. I began to laugh as I pet her head. I think it’s crazy that I love her! Today, as we got ready for the day, my Mom put peanut butter in her Kong. Kroger natural peanut butter won out because I cannot afford namebrand even for #MyGirlL!

The Ultimate Anticlimax

So, Friday was Sean‘s locker clean out. It was his final day of being a student at Divine Child high school. I expected it to be a really nice culminating event of his time at Divine Child.

Having a son opposed to having a daughter, I’ve learned to kind of scale things down when it comes to my expectations of his recounting of events for me. School dances were just, ”Good” or “Fun” when I ask him about them. He has always been someone of few words. I braced myself to be disappointed when I asked them how locker cleanout was.

I was not at all prepared to read the response he gave me. He just typed that, “It was a curbside thing and no one went in.” I really can’t believe that his senior year has ended like this! It is the ultimate anticlimax of 12 years of being in the same school! I’m sure that I am just being overdramatic about all of it but I’m pretty bummed! So Sean is finished with high school. Thinking about the socially distance graduation in August outside on the football field stresses me out more though! If I am miserable at commencement (which I most likely will be), I think that will be even more of the ultimate anticlimax!