I have had MS for 19 years now. Over half of my life. I never liked when people in my various MS support groups would call themselves, “Warriors” and would tell all of us that we were,”Warriors” too. that is until it got real for me.
Damn right, I am a warrior! This is so difficult! I was asked once what hurts and I told them, “Just my nerves.” I paused a moment and let the person know that there are nerves in every inch of your body. Everything hurts. All of the time!
A woman in one of my MS groups shared this song and she said the lyrics spoke to her. Well, they speak to me too! When she posted it, she let everyone know that she was NOT suicidal but this song is real! I am NOT suicidal either and I know that I have too much to live for to do something like that but it’s enough to acknowledge just the fact that this is difficult and I need to acknowledge the feeling that to just, “Let go” Is really appealing at times.
My support groups come alive at night and I completely get that. I think it was a little after 1 AM when I shared this song on Facebook because I did not want to forget it. I listened to it two times last night and cried both times. I let my Mom hear it this morning when I was eating my eggs and I cried again.
My Mom didn’t like this song and I tried explaining it to her but she told me that neither my Dad nor my aunt Rita gave up, not even at the very end. I told my Mom that it is different because they both had. terminal illnesses. My aunt died of ovarian cancer and my Dad was a non-compliant diabetic for most of my life who had two open-heart surgeries and was on dialysis for 3 1/2 years.
I am just going to have MS for the rest of my life and have to and will have to continue dealing with whatever it decides to throw at me. Believe me, now, it’s throwing a lot at me! I tried to get my Mom to see this but she didn’t so I decided to just listen to this song when I am by myself. I will probably listen to it as I am trying to fall asleep at night but this is really difficult and having to be on high alert every second of the day is a lot. For me, this song was really good. I know I’m not going to do a thing deliberately but I needed to hear this song because sometimes…