Month: December 2019

“… Details Can Somehow Slip Your Mind…”

I watched Hope Floats yesterday because I was by myself and it was free OnDemand. That movie came out in 1999 and was during the time I had a brief country music kick. Hearing some of the songs from that movie, Took me way back to my Junior and Senior years of high school and waiting tables at Lonestar Steakhouse and Saloon. I had to pause the movie to listen to this song:

I know that I’ve referenced this song a few times in my blog somewhere but this is a crystal clear memory I have of walking. That restaurant is no longer a Lonestar but rather an IHOP now.

I know that I was not diagnosed with MS until I was 18 and I walked, ran, and played sports in Grade and high school; but now when I think about it, I can’t remember having control over my body and on days like today with the rain, I can’t remember my body NOT hurting. Those details have somehow slipped my mind.

i’ve listened to this song over and over probably about six times as Sean made us breakfast. I can clearly see in my mind walking from the bar to my tables across the restaurant. I had two bottles of beer intertwined in my fingers of one hand and. I held the handles of two chilled mugs in the other.

I can see everything crystal clearly in my mind down to how comfortable my jeans were that I wore to work. For a while, I had to wear my knee brace after ACL reconstruction surgery so it ripped the inside of my right knee but I didn’t care because the jeans were so comfortable. I wore them anyway.

That summer after high school graduation and before I started college at WMU, is the last time I can clearly remember walking. I remember that I really liked this song and I thought back then that my life would be so much easier than it is now.

More Than 1/2 of my Life

I didn’t know that I was thinking about this monumental moment for a really long time until my nephew got home for Christmas break. He went away to MSU for his first year of college. When he came home, that was the moment I realized that I was that young when I was diagnosed with MS.

I had not realized before the moment that I was such a child! I didn’t know anything but less than a year later, I was going to be a parent myself. I guess I had been thinking about this day since I was diagnosed. I was 18 when I was told that I, “Had MS, was going to go blind, and was going to die.” It was such a startling statement for a college freshman and her Mom.

Today marks the day that I have been diagnosed with MS for longer then I did not have MS. I have had MS for more than half of my life. With each passing year, my able-bodied self slips further and further away and memories of me being able bodied fade more and more.

Today marks the death of my seemingly able-bodied self and it makes me sad that I can never again say that I have been able-bodied longer than I have had MS. Annually, for the past 19 years, today is a somber day and sadly, today is no different. Today, actually hurts a little bit more than the previous 18!

Random Songs in My YouTube Feed #21

I searched all the way back to October 1, 2019 in my Facebook thread. I don’t think I have posted this song on my blog that I posted on Facebook on October 2. I guess I just am going to have to hire a blog manager because I think the numbers may be a little off.

Oh wait, you have to pay that person! Never mind. I will just have to check it out another day. This is such a great song!:


ALMOST Forgotten Tune #69 + Random Songs in My YouTube Feed #20

Just playing catch-up:

So, I know that I was posting tunes on my Facebook feed because I didn’t want to forget them because I usually see them in the middle of the night when I’m having difficulty sleeping. Because of all the Christmas festivities, I wasn’t posting these random songs that showed up in my YouTube feed on my blog but I was still posting them on my Facebook feed so as not to forget. Just playing catch-up! I seriously DID almost forget about this one! Ah, a middle school gem, for sure! I will continue to look head which song was the last one I posted but, either way, it’s a GREAT listen:

Fly Away Home, Again

Last night, because it is after Christmas, I didn’t want to watch a Christmas movie. Instead, I saw that Flu Away Home was OnDemand when I searched for Christmas movies to watch. I watched it last night by myself and cried my eyes out still! Sean was not here so I didn’t have to be strong in front of anyone and I think it’s crazy that. It’s been 13 years now and this song STILL gets to me!!!:

I can remember crystal clearly being in the middle of the left side of that movie theater with my Dad sitting on my right. I remember that my Dad read a review in the newspaper about the movie and it said that it was a good movie and a good father-daughter bonding movie. Given that I was his only daughter, he took me.

I hope to hold that memory in my mind for as long as I live! Also, I reposted about this movie because the links from my last post from January 29, 2014 no longer live. Go figure?! In the six years that I have had this blog, things have changed with the Internet a little bit.

All Year Long

My Mom‘s brothers and sisters get together for a potluck every Christmas Eve complete with Christmas carols and my aunt Lola‘s famous Christmas cookies. I haven’t been able to attend for a few years but this year, I scrounged up enough money to rent a van so that I could go while in my motorized wheelchair.

Because I was seated in my motorized chair, my Mom and my brother put together my plate from the buffet. Once my brother brought my plate over, my Mom cut up my food (because chewing is an issue for me these days) and placed it in a ceramic bowl so I could eat holding the bowl. After a while of speaking with some of my aunts, uncles, some of my cousins and their spouses, my speech began to slur a bit and I got tired.

My Mom asked me what kind of pie I wanted. She told me that apple was an option and I said that I wanted that. My Mom did not make the apple pie this year but I knew that my aunt’s apple pie was just about the same thing. I later learned that my cousin, Cathy, made the pie but it tasted just as good!

As I spoke with my aunt Carmen, my Mom came over and asked me if I wanted cookies. OF COURSE I did!!! My favorite cookie that she makes that has always been my favorite cookie is Spritz cookies in the shape of a Christmas tree. I eat the Christmas tree row by row until it is all gone.

I liked that I was a part of the Christmas caroling and our family’s traditional rendition of the 12 days of Christmas but my absolute favorite is the cookies! My aunt always sends a container of cookies for our immediate family’s Christmas Day celebration.

I am not even the least bit ashamed to say that my breakfast on Christmas morning was book ended with a few Spritz trees before I ate and after I finished. It was Christmas! It’s totally okay to have sugar cookies as the first thing you eat!

I had some with my breakfast and with my lunch as well. As I eat this deliciousness, I think it’s because I am wearing my Ginger Spice chapstick that I have been thinking a lot about my Abuela.

That picture has got to be from Christmas (Note: my Abuela’s pin) and I had to have been three years old. My aunt Rita must have hosted because we were sitting in her house. I don’t even feel bad that there will still be enough cookies for my meals tomorrow and I am going to eat some more because I have waited all year long for this!