Month: April 2019

Strength

I broke my left ankle in March of 2005. I was still walking, living with my parents, doing my student teaching, about to graduate from undergrad, and had a boot on my leg. My ankle was proving to take a very long time to heal (Thanks MS!) and it was painful. My Dad reminded me one evening in the hallway outside his bedroom that, “The blood of strong Mexicans runs through [my] veins.” He told me that with conviction that evening to let me know that I had the strength to get through this even though it was taking a long time for my broken ankle to heal and it was so painful.

My knee has been popping out every day for the past four days. I was told that my Mom is, “Hard-Core” because once it pops out (mostly upon transfer), she will raise my ankle up and hold my knee as it pops back into place with a loud, “pop” and a combination of a gasp, a scream, and/or tears from me.

I am not sure which of my parents I am able to gather more strength from, it’s a combination of the two but I am trying my best to gather that strength today! My knee is throbbing and my legs feel tight and like they are curling up . My feet are pronating and all of this hurts too! It’s a result of not being worked out at Barwis Methods; and that fact hurts a lot as well!

I thought of this song that I used to listen to while still an undergrad and still driving:

I’m not sure if it’s just me going stir crazy in my house but my legs are more elevated and my wheelchair is reclined to alleviate pressure on my hips. I’ve been sitting back and watching, Legends of the Fall because that movie is always good for a few good cries. I figure if I let some of this pain escape my body through my eyes, I will be able to gather up some of the strength (apparently I already have) I need today to get through this!

“Remember-y” OR Talk About a, “Throwback Thursday”

My Mom and I didn’t listen to any music today but rather, we talked. I am not even sure what we were talking about but she ended it with, “That’s my remember-y!” Hearing that, I began to laugh! When Sean was about five years old, he used to say? “Remember-y” instead of, “Memory.” I half-heartedly tried to correct him but I thought that sounded so darn cute!

Recently, he was washing dishes and I sat in my kitchen to talk with him as my Mom was doing something at this stove. He was listening to music on his JBL speaker. He only listens to Motown when My Mom or I are around because he doesn’t have to censor the music he listens to. “Superstition” came on by Stevie Wonder.

Both my Mom and I started to laugh and Sean just shook his head as I flailed my arms over my head. He returned to washing the dishes and simply said, “It’s not funny.” But, it ACTUALLY is! I’m sure I have written about this before but my Mom and I took Sean to his first movie. It was, Happy Feet. That song was in the soundtrack and always reminds me of him being very small (about 3) and sitting in the seat with his legs stretched out forward and his feet it just came to the edge of the seat.

I bought him the kids’ size popcorn and drink and that was on his lap. I put the drink in the cupholder and I’m glad I did because about halfway through the movie, I think it was a sea lion who jumps out and tries to eat Bumble. I will admit that it was a bit scary but Sean threw both of his arms in the air and popcorn flew EVERYWHERE when he jumped!

My Mom and I began to laugh after I consoled him and made sure he was okay. As we all were in the kitchen and my Mom and I were laughing, Sean simply said, “It’s not funny” as our laughter continued. I told him that, “It’s a GREAT remember-y!”

When I said that, he interjected emphatically that, “[That word] makes sense! He told me that when you remember something, it is a memory so, “Remember-y” fits! He told me that he stands by that word! I just smiled at remembered him being small saying that word and being afraid at the movie!

Talk about a, “Throwback Thursday!” I have thought about my sweet baby boy at that age all day! I was a bit nervous about writing about these, “Remember-ies” but I’m pretty sure that Sean does NOT read my blog!

I thought about a picture that I’m sure I have somewhere in my camera roll and it’s of Sean about the age of seeing that movie and using the word, “Remember-y.”

But I think I like this picture better because the Pistons just made it into the playoffs with last night’s win! I watch the game with Sean who is 17 now.

Low-Key Delicious OR Beans, Eggs, and Texas

A few weekends ago, Sean made himself breakfast and came to my room as I was trying to awaken from my groggy state. He had a plate of scrambled eggs, beans, and rice. The beans and rice were left over from the Taco Tuesday four days before. He came up to my bed and sat in my wheelchair and ate his eggs and told me that what he was eating was, “Low-key delicious!“ I asked him what he was eating and he told me.

I immediately thought of my youth! I thought of beans, eggs, and Texas! I told Sean that what he was eating was NOT low-key and that I used to eat it all the time when I was in Texas!

The leftover rice has way too many carbs but he gave me the idea of having beans with my eggs. I am technically not supposed to eat pinto beans on the BED diet but the thought of those three things was too delicious to pass up! So yesterday, for Taco Tuesday, I made sure to order a small side of beans and rice. The rice because Sean likes it and the beans because I wanted to have some with my eggs this morning!

This morning, my Mom made me, “Hard eggs” which basically is sunny side up eggs that are almost cooked completely through with just a little bit of yolk. She heated up some beans for me as well! As I ate them, I am mediately thought of Texas!

I was six the first time my family went to Texas and the weather change was strange for me to say the least! It was SO HOT! On that trip, we stopped in Oklahoma to meet up with his old war buddy, Van and his wife, Beverly. It was the strangest thing for me to see my Dad and his friend from young adulthood walk toward each other and they both puffed their chests out and sucked their guts in at the same time! I never saw my Dad laugh as much as it did when we were with them! My Dad was always happiest when we were in Texas!

Now that I think about it, I think I only went to Texas with my family three times in the summer and once for Christmas (Talk about weird! We barbecued on Christmas!). Because I saw my Dad so happy there, I have the fondest memories from there! All my “Texas relatives“ as I call them have a VERY SPECIAL place in my heart!

I think that is why when I watched the NCAA tournament with Sean, I really cheered for Texas Tech! If I’m being honest, it really is because they knocked Michigan State out of the tournament by winning but I bought two Texas Tech T-shirts after that win just the same!

I was in need of new T-shirts anyway so why not get some Texas T-shirts?! They were on sale so I got two. They arrived yesterday. So today, as I ate my breakfast and thought of eggs, beans, and Texas I also am sporting my Texas Tech T-shirt!


Tune #14 & #15 Inspired by GMFB OR Willow Park and Camping

Last night, my knee popped out and popped back in as my Mom raised my ankle with the biggest crack ever! I think it was even louder than the crack I heard months ago. Needless to say, I fell asleep with my knee throbbing and woke up to pain just as bad as when I went to sleep! It’s extremely frustrating that this pain still happens and frequently because the day before yesterday, my knee also popped out. I was a little bit late rolling to my living room to turn on GMFB.

The moment I turned the TV on, Kyle Brant was talking about Rick Astley. He did a little dance with his shoulders and hands and I immediately knew who he was talking about! I never knew that guy’s name but I remembered seeing the video!

I didn’t even know what they were talking about and GMFB because I just caught the end of the segment before the commercials but that song (which I looked up on YouTube) reminded me of family barbecues at Willow Park when I was young! It was #14 Tune Inspired by GMFB. I thought of my brother, Ray, my brother, Steve, and my cousin, Alex.

I also thought of seeing that video a couple years later on the VH1 show, “Pop-up Video.” The show that has word bubbles pop up during the video with obscure facts. I remember in this particular, “Pop-up,“ I learned that the bartender in the video was really hung over at the day of the shoot! It was only REALLY useful information! I probably saw that show probably 20 years ago if not more but I still remember THAT video and the random things I learned about it!

A little while later on the show, they talked about the incoming draft prospects and how one of them is really into shoes. Nate Burleson is also into shoes and they showed this picture:

Everybody else was making fun of him but I remembered a time one what he was wearing was cool! I tweeted at him and told him not to be ashamed because back in the day, he was cool! I am pretty sure that my brother, Jimmy had something very similar. The rest of the hosts and Will Selva laughed at Nate and talked about Lou Bega and, “Mambo No. 5.”

That song immediately took me back to camping when I was about four months pregnant. I was still walking then and I remember having to climb down a somewhat steep hill to get to the water so Sean’s dad could fish. I made a big deal about needing help getting down the hill because I was pregnant.

We stood in ankle deep water as his dad cast his line. I just stood there and kind of splashed around in the water when a water moccasin came towards me with its head out of the water ready to attack! I screamed and ran back up the hill furiously! His dad noted that I ran up that hill all by myself but I told him that that snake was trying to hurt me and my baby! It wanted to kill us! That song, at Nate’s expense, is the #15 Tune Inspired by GMFB. I LOVE that show!

Lactose NOT a Good Idea

My, “Almond Blossom” mug arrived last night. I used it when I ate of my bun-less turkey burger with mozzarella cheese last night for dinner. I also used it this morning after I ate my sunny side up eggs. Based on the Facebook post I made at the end of March that stated it was good to eat chocolate for your health, I sometimes partake in eating chocolate after my breakfast. I am not “Lactose intolerant,” but rather, I prefer to say that I am “Lactose NOT a good idea” because it really is not! So, as I am waking up, I eat my breakfast and drink a half a cup of milk. Anymore than that is too much!

My friend’s son sold chocolate bars for his baseball team and I bought some for Sean and me. Based on the carb and sugar content, I can have one square a day of the four squares that each bar is divided in to.

Sean has already eaten the caramel and crunch bars I bought for him but since I ration my dark chocolate, I still have a couple bars left. You HAVE to drink milk when you eat chocolate so…

This mug gets my half a cup of milk now! I used to use my Notorious RBG mug or The Late Show with Stephen Colbert mug I got recently but this one will do just fine! I just found out a book about Vincent and Theo van Gogh will come out in the October so I am excited to read that one too! I’m sure I will use this mug well until and after I read it!

ALMOST Forgotten Tune #47

Yesterday, my Mom mentioned Dorian Gray. I vaguely remember a James Blunt song that had a line about him. I remembered my Mom telling me about Dorian Gray when I was still teaching English and the story interested me and I wanted to read the book and eventually teach it to my students. I never did though because my world cracked when my Dad died.

So yesterday, as my Mom and I were talking as we completed our morning routine, I told her that the words, “Dorian Gray” were in a James Blunt song but I couldn’t quite remember it. So, of course I had to look it up on YouTube to play this song for my Mom and to jog my memory.

I’m surprised that I still remember the words once this song started play and I tried to remember when I heard this song. I listened to it a lot in the car but I also listened to it in my second apartment as I got ready for work. After doing a little bit of research, the album came out in October 2004.

It made sense that I remembered to hearing the song a lot in my car because in 2004, Sean and I were still living with my parents because I was still an undergrad. We moved out in August of 2005 just before I started teaching. I listened to the album and loop a lot my first year teaching. It took me a minute to understand why I was listening to this album as I got ready for work in my second apartment. We moved into the 2nd apartment in August of 2006 just before my dad died.

The album has mellow sounding songs that soothed me when my world cracked because I was trying to help my four-year-old son deal with his world that had also cracked. That album played in my bedroom on the dresser as I got ready for work. I had memories of it playing in my car because when it first came out, I was still in college. I remembered the mellow songs that helped me get it together enough to get ready for work.

Music that played on my way to work is a whole different story that I know I have written about before. I think I’m going to search through my blog to find it to repost.

Mom/Abuela

Today, as in most days, when my Mom and I complete our morning routine to get me ready for the day, we listen to a mix I made for her on my Apple Music account. I made it for a surprise 65th birthday party for her that we never ended up having. We can still listen to the mix though! It’s saved on my playlist as, “Mom/Abuela.”

We listen to that playlist most days and in the beginning, she would be surprised that she liked so many of the songs. I had to tell her that the songs were chosen SPECIFICALLY for her, (my brother, Ray, was really instrumental in choosing the songs). All of the songs live in my peripheral memory of growing up and hearing my Mom sing along with these songs either in our kitchen or in the green station wagon. It wasn’t until we started working together in the mornings that I found out a few things.

When this song comes on, my Mom gets a kind of far away look and smile’s. I asked her why she does that and she told me this song reminds her of driving to Oklahoma as a newlywed. She drove at night while my Dad slept so they could get there faster because my Dad had to report it to the fort because even though he was stateside, he was still in the military.

My Mom kind of chuckles when she remembers when my Dad woke up and he didn’t know where they were. When my Mom told him, he asked her how fast she was driving because they were really far! She told him simply that she was driving 90 mph! He protested because the car was new and he told her she should NOT be driving it that fast but as she tells me, she just smiles and says that no one was on the road and it was really smooth so she just gunned it!

I remember seeing a picture of my Mom laying on the hood of the car that was named, “Twilit.” The car was a 1970 Chevy Impala. I pulled up a couple pictures and my Mom couldn’t quite remember the color. It’s between these two colors:

I like hearing stories about my parents when they were first married and before they were parents. I don’t know them NOT being parents! I like seeing the look of, “remember-y.” That’s a word Sean used to use when he was about three years old and I’ll write about that a little bit later…

ALMOST Forgotten Tunes #45 & #46

So, I’ve been watching a lot of basketball with Sean. I haven’t watched much basketball in a while because it is too fast for my eyes to adjust to. Now that I have an eyepatch, I can enjoy the game with Sean. That’s all that counts to me anyway. He’s been to Pistons’ games (which is who we watched today). and I was able to get into March Madness and the NCAA tournament because of him. Today as we watched, the music played when there was a timeout or a violation and I thought I heard this song:

This song was an ALMOST Forgotten Tune until I heard it! I don’t even know if it was that song but I was reminded of this song and being a Junior in high school.

Even though the Pistons ended up losing the game, before the end of it, I heard one more song that took me back to high school:

I put the clean version in and this one because I’m old now…

Almond Blossom

Something I realized a few days ago was that I had no idea how almonds were grown! I guess I never thought about it. I like almonds and I eat them but I had no idea where they came from. I saw an almond milk commercial with a little girl and her grandpa or something talk about how almonds are grown and they showed an almond blossom. I had no idea that almonds grew on trees!

I searched YouTube for that commercial but I couldn’t find it but I watched a few of the videos that explain how they are grown and harvested. I only searched that information after reading a book that I just finished and really liked!

Toward the end of the book, Kaplan talked about a mug that she kept on her desk that she got from a trip she took with her husband to Amsterdam. She wrote about the image of a Vincent van Gogh painting depicted on the mug. The title of his painting was, “Almond Blossom.”

I was not familiar with the painting so I looked it up. But it was after I read her explanation of the how and why van Gogh painted it that my mind was blown! He was in a hospital in the depths of despair and depression when he received a letter from his brother, Theo. Theo had always supported him and often would buy paint or canvas for Vincent. Theo and his wife, Johanna, had just had a son. They named their son, “Vincent” after Vincent van Gogh.

The painting was a, “Thank you” to him. Kaplan talked about being in a van Gogh Museum and seeing that painting juxtaposed to other paintings of death and despair. I understood her having that replica mug of that painting as being proof of hope and gratitude that van Gogh felt toward his brother. I think if someone named their daughter after me, I would have to do SOMETHING as a way of thanks! I can’t paint but…

Reading this explanation, I just HAD TO HAVE that mug! I found it online but being on a fixed income now, I couldn’t swing it. I found a cheaper version on Amazon so I ordered it. It’s coming tomorrow.



You know that, “I love me some mugs” so… for me, it did not even matter that I am spent until my April SSI/D check gets into my account in a couple of weeks. It’s all about, “Simple pleasures” and I am going to have to read up on van Gogh and the reasons surrounding the painting, “Almond Blossom.”