Month: July 2017

My brother had commented a while back that my legs were more “bendy.”   My whole body has felt different since not being at Barwis for almost 10 months. My core is not as strong and Dr. Frush commented on how atrophied my legs are. It’s strange to feel what a difference not being at Barwis makes. As we passed Barwis to go to ATI (it’s right next to it) I looked at the signs with longing and tears filled my eyes. I was so glad to be able to go to the Barwis golf outing  in a few days!

Brad told me that my tone was almost nonexistent. I agreed and said maybe it’s the stress of going back to work is not there anymore but if I think about the stress of not being able to pay my bills, that tone would come back.  I just kind of chuckled and concentrated on what we are doing. He said he was going to bend my knee and take some measurements today.

He bent it and measured about 109° but I knew I could go further. I remember that Dr. Frush had said the goal was going to be 120°.  Brad bent my knee a second time and I felt the pull on the front of my knee.   It didn’t hurt but  I felt tightness in  the front of my knee. Brad got that protractor thing out  again to measure it and it was 123°!

I made the goal! I have a couple more weeks until I see Dr. Frush  so maybe it will  get even better! Brad straightened my leg and got the belt to do some traction on me. That felt so good! Getting the 120° felt really good too!!!   We finished with ice and stim.  And as I laid back on the table I felt that I was making progress! It took two months after surgery, it still hurts, and I know that I have a long way to go still but for right now, it felt good!

It was the 3rd Annual First Step Foundation Golf Outing for Barwis Methods. I have missed Barwis more than I can say! I have not been there since September 20th because of my knee; I feel the difference in my core  and in my leg strength. It saddens me and I can’t wait to go back! I was invited to go to the dinner because I do not golf but I still wanted to be a part of  the festivities.

I woke up Monday morning and opened my eyes. It was going to rain. I felt it in my body and I felt it in my knee especially. As I heard the rain falling on my awnings,  my concern rapidly escalated!  As the rain continued, I called Barwis Methods to make sure the outing was still on. Holly told me that it was still set  and I started texting with Deb. I got ready to go but my body hurt a lot! I was told that dinner was still set for 5 o’clock but then changed and it was going to be at 3:30.

Sean, my Mom,  and I were going to go. The country club was an hour away from my house so when the dinner was moved up we hurried up and got going. We got to Oak Pointe at 3:38.   When we got there, the dinner was moved up again so it was finished. As soon as I got into the dining hall and I surveyed the room, the first person I saw was Dr. Frush!   He got up and shook my hand and told me that he, “wondered if I would be there.”   I told him that I have not left the house except to go to physical therapy but I was not going to miss this! We took a seat at the table by the door way and the presentation began.

Brock Mealer, Claudia Klein, and Mike Barwis spoke. Everything all three of them said was poignant and solidified  for me, the reasons I was at Barwis Methods.  It was Parker Whittaker who told me about Mike and the work he does in the first place. I remember being surprised when Parker told me about Brock Mealer.   I didn’t think Mike could help me. The next time Parker brought it up, he had to say, “Jen,  you are going to go to Barwis Methods this summer.”

I started there on June 12, 2013  and that is the only place where I feel comfortable being in my wheelchair because EVERYONE  there knows that it is temporary. They all are helping to make it so! As Mike spoke, I cried! I have cried at these things the previous two years and was hoping not to this year but his words were perfect  so naturally, I cried!

When the presentation was over, my mom was able to snag us some food. As I sat there eating, Larry Foote was leaving  and because we were seated at the table by the doorway he saw me, came over, and hugged me!   I told him about my meniscus tear and surgery and we talked about my first day at Barwis when I saw him and recognized him. I laughed at the nerve I had about our conversation about the Steelers in the Super Bowl!   Hi told him that nobody believes me that I met him so he told me to pull out my phone so we could take a picture! I told him my eyebrows weren’t done because they weren’t but…:

 As I finished eating, Elle came over and hugged me, Deb came over and hugged me, Mike came over and hugged me, Meghan came over and hugged me, and Nick came over and hugged me!   I was nervous that no one would receive me well because I hadn’t been there in 10 months but EVERYONE received me well and made me feel wonderful! Barwis is TRULY a family and my home!

I finished eating and Brock  and Haley came over at the end and he hugged me too!   I completely felt the love there and it is a feeling that I have been missing for so long! As we are leaving, we talked to Connor too.   I am not a golfer so even though there was rain, it didn’t matter to me because I was so happy to be there, hear are all of the speakers, and receive all those hugs!

  

Click the picture to read article regarding the Golf Outing.   I have also shared the video interview on my Facebook timeline.

It took two days of constant icing to get over hanging out at my cousin, Shannon’s, house. But it was a great time and I wouldn’t change it for the world!  My knee hurt more, yes, but I think it may have been an MS thing because I was so excited to go in the first place.   I didn’t go anywhere or do anything on the fourth, I just remained in the recliner with my feet up and knee iced  as I have been doing since surgery.

My physical therapy schedule was changed to Wednesday and Friday this week because of the holiday.  Brad had Monday and Tuesday off and he would be working on Saturday to recoup the hours. As I was getting ready to go to therapy, I was not in the recliner so I was seated and brought my right foot closer to me. As I moved my foot,  I heard a large POP  in my knee.  ABSOLUTELY scared the BEJEBUS out of me!   It took me a moment to realize that it didn’t hurt.

I  told Brad about the POP.  What I was doing to make it POP, how it sounded, how it scared me, and how it really didn’t hurt.  I told him that it sounded like knuckles cracking  in the middle of my knee. It didn’t hurt but the sound scared me. It didn’t feel like anything that broken when it POPPED.  He listened and told me that it was just air pockets in the synovial fluid in my knee.

I told him that that sounded really cool! He laughed and likened it to cracking your knuckles. He said it was more startling than anything  and I agreed because my knee has been hurting for so long, to hear that sound, it sounded like damage was being done but took a minute for me to realize that it did not hurt. Always, in the back of my mind, I wonder about my feeling of pain in my legs.  I am in a wheelchair and I really can’t feel the true extent of pain in my legs.  I think that is what  makes this whole knee injury so much worse because it has been excruciating since September 21st!   After surgery, it still hurts a lot but not as badly as it did before surgery.

I always wonder if it is hurting more than I feel it is. But it hurts badly enough even if I am not feeling all of the pain  so I guess that really doesn’t matter!  It’s become routine for Brad to put me in traction at therapy and that feels really good!

We ended  with ice and stim.  And that feels equally as good! I don’t like how my knee can’t always feel that good when I am not at therapy. I’ve asked Brad before if it was because I have MS that it is taking so long to feel better.   He paused for a moment and thought and then slowly nodded his head. All of the hardware is fixed in my knee but, because of my MS, it is taking longer to feel better.  Well, doesn’t that just stink! Gotta love that MS and by “love,” I mean “hate.”

As Brad worked on me, we talked about the change in the schedule for next week because of the holiday and our plans for the long weekend.  Since surgery, I have not been out of the house except to go to physical therapy. On Sunday,  I had plans to go out to my cousin Shannon’s house in South Lyon. This was our second annual cousin get together and I was excited! She’s not my  blood cousin but we grew up together so she has always been my cousin!

Brad told me about a couple of barbecues with friends that he was going attend with his wife and how his parents were camping so he might see them over the weekend. Aside from Girl Scout camp when I was young, I only remember camping once  when I was pregnant. Now, I can’t do the outside thing; being warm  and bugs and stuff! He explained that his parents go “glamping” instead of camping. He described their camper which is basically a house with the fireplace in it and it needs to be pulled by his dad’s F350.

I told Brad about Shannon, Sean, and my selfies that we started taking 15 years ago when Sean was a baby before camera phones. Here is our first one:

We took another one a couple of years ago when we got together for the first time at her house.:

 

I told Brad that if I had to go camping, I would much rather go glamping like his parents do.   As he hooked me up for ice and stim.  I wondered how I would do at Shannon’s this coming weekend. Sean would be driving out there to get hours in because he just got his segment one permit. We were taking my ice packs  and my pain meds  with us in case my knee started to hurt.   It did hurt and I got tired but before we left we had to take our annual selfie with Sean. I was really tired when we took it and it shows but I absolutely loved hanging out with my brothers and  Shannon and her sister (her brother Chris couldn’t make it) and their  families.   Our most recent picture:

Over the weekend, I was trying to help a little bit with my transfer to the bathroom A few times, I put the slightest bit of weight on my bad knee to help. I woke up Monday morning and my knee  was swollen. I really thought I was making good progress and I was a little bit bothered  that apparently I wasn’t.

I couldn’t believe that my knee was still not being close to functional. I had just put the slightest bit of weight on my knee  and it swelled up in reaction to that. It’s frustrating! When I got to physical therapy, I told Brad about the few times I put a little bit of weight on my leg.

I got on the table and as he unsnapped my pants, he saw how swollen my knee was.   He bent my knee and really worked on it hard! I asked him why it was so swollen and he said, “Because it’s a surgery…” I cut him off by laughing kind of hysterically. Duh! It had only been less than two months after surgery!  Dr. Frush told me that I still had another two months of pain ahead of me so why wouldn’t I have swelling too?!

I’m kind of over this pain and swelling in my knee! It has been over nine months that I have endured this and it really stinks! At least the pain after surgery is not as bad as the pain before surgery.   That pain was excruciating!