Dread

I thought about this recently as my knee surgery is approaching. I think my Mom told me this after my Dad had already been dead for a little while, but she told me that her and my Dad were driving somewhere on a sunny day a little while before his second heart surgery. My Dad kind of brushed the scar on his  chest,  stared out the window, and told my mom, “This  is going to hurt, Mary.”

it’s been 17 years since my knee surgery and I still can honestly say that that was the MOST pain I have ever been in in my life. I love adding that I even had a child!   (Granted, that was surgically but it still happened!) Dr. Frush assures me that it will not be as painful as my ACL reconstruction but now, sprinkle in a little MS and there is no telling how my body is going to react and how it will ultimately heal.  This part scares me. Fills me with dread even.

I never knew that my Dad was dreading his second heart surgery, or even had been afraid. My Dad was the eepitome of strength for my entire life! Now, as I have aged, I understand that the, “Man of Steel” whom I have always known may have rusted a bit.   I’ve been thinking about as strong as my dad has always been for my life, even he  experienced the dread of the impending pain of a surgery that he had already had.

That is exactly where I am at!   I’ve had many things to get my mind off of this dread in the past week. Phone calls  from the  hospital, emails my work,  and the extreme pain that my knee is in the whole time!  But, I’ve said this before like in the epic movie, The Neverending Story  so I’m  NOT looking forward to it but I am  ready.   I think.   I just know that this is going to hurt.