I spent my 30th “Wacky Sock Wednesday” at ATI instead of at Barwis. I hoped to see Megan before my appointment time at ATI. I didn’t but I still represented. See?:
I worked with Luba yesterday and I told her that I have been able to stand easier when my Mom transfers me. I told her that I wasn’t sure what that would translate to in terms of walking but let her know that I understood the benefits of tone. I laid on the table and she wanted me on my stomach first. My Mom helped me roll over. By “helped,” I mean that my Mom rolled me over. As she did this, I said that it REALLY stunk not being able to control your body. I have been fighting for SO long to gain control over my body but in this instant it was MORE than apparent that I haven’t won that fight… Yet.
I was unable to help AT ALL as my Mom rolled my body over. I HATE feeling physically powerless and I COMPLETELY was in this instant. My legs relaxed as I completely laid on my stomach and Luba was able to bent them back kind of easily. We talked as she stretched me at remembered Adam (Phil) introducing us. He introduced me as “Daisy.” I told her that that name is pretty much non-existent now. It’s an OG (Original Gangster) name. Dan, Dusty, and Jesse gave it to me and Mike Rhodes, Nick, and Mike Morfitt don’t even know me by that name. Deeds and Megan know that I used to be called that but rarely call me that now. Luba told me that she feels that she should call me that because that was how Phil introduced us.
She had me roll back over onto my back (rather, had my Mom roll me over). My legs tightened but Luba stretched them out so they eventually relaxed. I thought about how much of a fight it is to gain control of my body. I have not won that fight by far, but I feel that I currently AM WINNING that fight. I am winning ONLY because I HAVEN’T given up. It is NOT an easy fight by any means nor did I know it would be such a LONG fight but, it’s a fight that I feel is WORTH fighting. Kristen (sp?) hooked the stim up to my leg (she works out at Barwis too) as Luba finished. As I laid there on the table, Alanna put the big exercise balls away. One got away from her and hit me which made me laugh… A LOT. ATI also feels like home and that feels good.