Wednesday, Mike came out to get me from my car and my legs had stiffened and I was stuck in the car. I couldn’t bend them to get them out of the car on my own. He told me that it looked like we weren’t going to do squats that day either. That REALLY stunk but I knew that he probably was right. I haven’t really thought about it too much but – DUH! It’s winter! There is snow outside! My body tends to seize up a little more often in the cold. I’ve already been through one winter at Barwis. I’ve been through 14 winters with MS. I already know that the cold is NOT cool or NOT fun. Snow is even more NOT cool or fun. This weather is when my body tends to “hibernate.” That’s how I think of it rather curling up within itself because the pain proves to be a bit too much.
Mike laid me on the blue table and began stretching me out. It’s the rather intense stretches that make my body feel almost normal. He had me roll over on to my stomach and shamefully, it was the first time EVER in about 18 months that I had to give up. I was on my stomach and the pain was too much and I rolled onto my side and said, “Mike, I can’t.” It hurt too much. He didn’t reprimand me or tell me just to breathe through it because I would like to believe that I have already proven that I’m not a big wuss. I grit my teeth, gasp, scream, tell him to do his worst, squeeze his wrist, and even let out an ocassional “Ooh Doggie!” But I had to call “uncle” on this one. That was bad. I felt defeated. Mike stood by the table and explained why it was hurting me so badly. I remember telling Phil about feeling like Calibos from Clash of the Titans (the 1981 version). My body feels like his body looks when Zeus punishes him. Calibos’s little figure gets placed in the arena and you just see the shadow of Calibos’s transformation where he is changed into a beast. His legs are gnarled and he no longer stands straight. That is how I feel.
When the weather breaks, I can go back to actively standing, squatting, and walking (that’s what my cousin Kimmy said to me last year to encourage me to keep going). Connor took me outside and helped me to my car. I drove home feeling bad because I gave up but my legs felt REALLY good because of the stretch. When I got ready and in bed, I did my crunches and before I fell asleep, I laid on my stomach. It didn’t hurt and I fell asleep and woke up 63 minutes later to roll over to my side. So, I was down, but I’m not out. DEFINITELY not out!