I was a bit preoccupied Friday at Barwis. Phil came out to get me out of my car. I have been frustrated with my productivity or lack thereof at Barwis as of late. Phil pushed me to the plyo boxes for a stretch which unfortunately was not surprising to me.
My left leg was EXTREMELY tight and I knew that would be problematic for me. It was. I sat in my chair as Phil stretched me and I watched Garret work. He has made TREMENDOUS strides since he has started coming to Barwis. I asked Phil when he started coming. I thought it was last winter but Phil told mr that he has been coming for less time than that. I watched him completing squats while working with Megan. He was recently paralyzed and I have watched him make continuous, linear strides. These kinds if strides have NOT been the case for me. Having had MS for almost 14 years, I know that this will NOT be the case for me. I was saddened by this realization and looked at Garret working and said kind of absent-mindedly to myself more so than to Phil (even though he heard and answered me), “I wish I didn’t have MS.”
I was told a long time ago that the unfortunate part of my MS diagnosis was that I would have to LIVE with this disease. As time goes on, I realize how difficult this disease really is to have to live with. Even Mike told me that I will ALWAYS have MS but the goal for me coming to Barwis is for me to become more ambulatory. For me to walk.
Phil has been working with me for over a year to reach this goal. It bothers me that outside forces play such a BIG role in me walking. Lately, the weather has played a HUGE role. I KNOW that I have the desire to walk. I have the “fire in my soul” and the “beast in my belly.” As my The Script song suggests. But I need that spark to really explode. I heard Gavin DeGraw’s new song on the radio on the way to drive my son to his football game yesterday (they won) and said that this song would be a GREAT NFL Network highlights reel song. I heard it this morning (either on NFL Network or Fox Sports pre- game show). I TOTALLY called it! I thought about how much I REALLY like that song and I have decided that I WILL BE on fire. Eventually. For now, I’m just a smolder. I’ll wait for it though. It will be worth it.