I arrived on time to Barwis yesterday and Lisa and Phil helped me get out of my car. Once in Barwis, I had “technical difficulties” so my time was cut extremely short. To like 15 minutes. Phil stretched me out at the plyo box and could tell that I was upset so he kept “Woosah”ing me. I tried to relax and I my legs kinda started to at the end.
My time was up so Phil took me out to my car. He told me to get into my car by myself and my Mom has always said that anger is a motivator for me and I was angry so I was able to stand by myself and turn and sit with only a small tap on my hip from Phil. Once I was seated on the driver’s seat, my legs were bent. I motioned for Phil to put them in my car quickly. He did and as he did this, he asked, “Who are you?” I know that this has NEVER happened before but I went with it. Phil “joystick”ed me and when I gave him the look like, “Really?! Today?!” He put his fist out and bumped me good.
My legs relaxed a little on my way home but truly didn’t fully relax until I talked to my cousin Kimmy on the phone. I recounted the entire fiasco to her and she laughed as well as telling me some good things. I’ve said before that I am proud to a fault and she helped me more clearly define where I stop and where the effects of MS begin. It is SO difficult to separate those things because it all is happening to me. We talked about dealing with the loss of control over things that I once used to be able to do. She acknowledged that it stunk but gave me hopeful insight.
I told old her that I was glad I was at Barwis for all of it because it feels like my second home there. Mike was right about it being a “family” there. It is a place where I am comfortable to scream my love for Matty (and Phil too) and a place where I know that if it comes down to it, Phil will pick me up and he does.