Month: August 2014

A new intern, Madison, helped me get out of my car.  I introduced myself and asked what school she went to.  We had some small talk as I told her that I have MS and have been coming to Barwis for a little over a year now.  I also told her about my 386 yards and 2 steps.  Maybe to remind myself that I WAS making progress.

Phil was sitting on the table waiting for me. (I was talking to another woman who trains at Barwis as well).  Phil put me on the table and stretched me out really well.  After some time of him stretching me, I looked up at the rafters and told him that I like being stretched.  It feels good.  My legs relax and feel loose which it A LOT different from how they feel most of the time.

After he stretched me for a while, he had me sit up and dangle my legs over the side of the table.  He sat in my wheelchair (as he usually does) and began kicking my feet.  He kicked them about 4 or 5 times before I asked him why he does this.  He said to see how they react, if they bounce up or not.  I asked him how they reacted and he said, “Good” with a few more kicks.  Then he had me lay back down for some more stretching.  He stretched me until my time was up.

I got into my car MOSTLY by myself.  After he stowed my chair away, he just grabbed my hand and forced it into a fist, shook it, yelled, “Joystick!,” and shut my door laughing.  I sat in my car for a little while and realized how TIRED I was; because I was!  I drove home thinking that I haven’t walked in FOREVER  but then also thinking that the walking will come EVENTUALLY.  For right now, a stretch will have to suffice and I continued to drive home feeling good.

Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine.  I was feeling good from Monday’s stretch so I thought I would have a good showing.  Phil brought over a GREEN half popcorn ball thing.  It was a pretty green but I told him, “It’s NOT PURPLE but it’s NOT even ORANGE so… ” as if the half popcorn ball thing color had some bearing on my showing for stands.  He replied, “Oh yeah! THAT’S it!” with a roll of his eyes and a sort of a smile. He got me positioned to stand.  I STRUGGLED maybe 4 or 5 times and then Phil had me sit in my chair to stretch me some more.

Then he got me positioned to stand again.  It was beyond disappointing that I STILL wasn’t able to stand!!  I tried 3 or 4 times to no avail.  Phil told me that this last attempt would be my last time before we went over to the table.  I stood straight up and Phil said, ” ‘Bout time!”  It was a struggle to stand for a long time so I sat.  We then went over to the table so Phil could stretch me VERY well.

i was tired and wasn’t able to get into my car.  Phil put me into it.  I drove home kind of bummed because of my lack-luster showing.  I talked to my Mom.  She doesn’t often put things bluntly but our conversation boiled down to her giving me two choices: either 1. Give up or 2. Fight.  When she said that, things clicked for me.  Duh!  OH YEAH!  I am going to fight!  It’s just taking longer than expected but I KNOW it will be worth it.

Phil stretched me at the chairs first.  At first my legs were pretty tight but then they started to loosen up.  We went over to the Keiser machine after stretching.  I think it was the first three stands that I REALLY had to fight to stand. Phil told me to, “Push” and to, “Squeeze.”   And I did.  My butt is KILLING me today!!!  On the fourth stand, I popped right up out of my chair.  It surprised Phil.  He told me that I should do that EVERY time.  As I stood for that fourth time, a woman from the physical therapy part of the center rolled a man in a wheelchair over to the Keiser machine.

Thry both were watching me standing at the bar and she was telling him something.  I couldn’t hear them because the music was loud and Phil had his hands at his sides telling me to, “Push” and, “Squeeze.”  My legs were shaking as I looked down at him and told him that, “I’m showing off right now” because the man in the chair was watching me standing.  I sat and rested awhile.  Phil had me stand one more time and I popped right up again.  I stood for a little while and Phil pushed me over to the plyo boxes.  There were 3 boxes against the wall and Phil broke one down to make a “Baby Bear” box.  He put me on it and we did some manual leg curls.

I was REALLY tired.  I think having training sessions where I just was stretched were GREAT but I hadn’t worked THIS hard in a while.  We get out to my car and I took a deep breath before my first attempt to transfer.  I grabbed the car door and stood straight up AGAIN!  Even though I was EXTREMELY tired, I was able to sit fully on my car seat.  I just transferred COMPLETELY into my car ALL BY MYSELF!  AND I am crazy tired!  After Phil stowed my chair away into my chair topper, he bent down and put his fist out.  I thought for a second and reached my hand out to grab his fist.  He pulled it away and said, “Don’t even” with a laugh.  Okay.  I concede.  Here’s to an upswing and actively working again.  I put my fist out to fist bump him and he grabbed it, shook it, and yelled, “Joystick!”  and shut my door.

i had to drop something off at a friend’s house after Barwis.  She also lives in Plymouth but I had never been to her house so I didn’t have the music on as OnStar was giving me directions to her house.  I didn’t have the music on because I was concentrating and in the silence I thought back to my first day at Barwis and Mike telling me how we were going to get my muscles firing so I get the response I want from them.  He told me that it will be in the overwork of my muscles that we will forge new pathways to my spine to tell my brain how to get the proper response from my muscles because having MS, my spine is all messed up with scar tissue that the signals can no longer get through.  I thought that today (yesterday) I got 3 proper responses!  So many times I have been trying for that and I’ve just misfired.  It’s in the repetition that among all the misfires I will eventually get the proper response I need.  Today (yesterday) I got 3 of them.  NICE!  So it’s REALLY starting to happen now!  3’s just the beginning…

Phil came to get me out of my car.  He pushed me right over to the plyo boxes.  There were 4 boxes against the wall and they were all the SAME size!  I was confused!  Good thing Phil sat on the box and I stayed in my chair.  My legs were REALLY tight!  Phil stretched me for 45 minutes and then asked how I feel. I was STARTING to feel looser but not quite.  He told me to go over to the mat and we would stretch more there.

I didn’t argue or feel defeated because my body hasn’t felt very good since my relapse and the stretching hurts a little but it ALWAYS feels better in the end.  I wheeled up to the mat and kind of slid out of my chair to which Phil said that I looked like sludge.  I made it on to the mat all on my own and Phil started stretching me out more hard-core than at the plyo boxes.  It kind of hurt but I felt my legs loosening up.  I remembered when Jesse told me the first time he REALLY stretched me that he had to break the ice around my muscles.  I guess my legs have re-frozen and Phil is an icebreaker too.

As Phil and I went out to my car, I told him that my legs kind do felt like Jell-O.  I got in to my car mostly by myself and we just kind of gave each other five in a weird grabby thing way because neither one of us attempted a “Joystick.”  As I drove home, my legs felt REALLY relaxed and that felt good.  I am okay with just having a training session with stretching because now I know that stretching is progress too!  The walking WILL come and even as I write this my legs STILL feel REALLY good!