Month: August 2014

I get to Barwis a bit early and am transferring from my car to my wheelchair when my wheelchair shifts (the brakes are loosening up because I need a new one).  I end up sitting on the ground outside of my car, I tried to get up but it was impossible.  I texted Phil to come get me and Eric came out and picked me up.  I was embarrassed and frustrated but Eric was cool and laughed.  Eric has a REALLY good laugh!  As I sat on the ground, I could feel my legs tightening up.  That stinks!  That fact is going to translate to NOT a good showing.  I just knew it!!!

Since I was early, I made a few phone calls and then decided to put my bag back into the car.  I wheeled outside and tried to snap closed the flap before I put the bag on the passenger’s side seat.  I was having trouble snapping my bag but I know that if I DON’T snap it closed before tossing it into my car, everything will spill out.  I don’t know if it was the heat or my frustration but my hands started to feel numb so that was compounding the difficulty I was having.  Then a shadow comes over me.  I look up and it’s Phil.  He asked if I wanted to start early because I was there.  I nodded still fumbling with my bag.  Phil asked what I was doing and leave it to my voice to betray me.  I told him shakily that I couldn’t button my bag.  He laughed and told me that I sounded like a six-year-old and asked if I wanted help.  I stopped fumbling with the bag and moved my hands.  Phil buttoned it with ease then I threw it into my car and we went over to the Keiser machine.  I think with my frustration and my hands feeling numb, I didn’t even thank Phil.  So, thanks Phil! ☺️

At the Keiser machine, he stretched me a bit while I sat in my wheelchair.  He told me to stand up.  I gave it the college try 4 or 5 times without standing fully to a *BINK.* He told me to go over to the table.  He was pushing me and I thought he still had my chair as I rolled down the ramp with my hands up.  He didn’t.  He had let my chair go close to the Keiser machine.   Good thing I didn’t fall out!

At the table Phil helped me out of my chair but not fully onto the table yet.  He stopped halfway so I was standing.  I kept falling forward into him but I would recover.  It didn’t feel normal but I kept trying to straighten up with my butt underneath me.  It felt wobbly and weird!  After some time, Phil picked me up all the way and put me on the table.  He had me do a few leg curls with my legs dangling over the side and the he swung me around so I was on my back.  He stretched my legs out there.  As he was stretching me and it hurt, I asked how he thought I was progressing as I started to glisten.  It’s hard for me to see the forest amid the trees at times so I wanted to get his take on this situation.  He nodded and frowned in what I assumed was approval and he told me that I was kinda tight.

he finished stretching me up and I sat up with my legs hanging over the side.  He told me, “let’s do hyper” and quickly pushed my shoulders down BEFORE I could get into first position in ballet.  I extended my arms and sat up when he let my shoulders go.  He took me out to my car and once my chair was stowed, he extended his fist and told me to have a nice long-weekend.  As I extended my fist, he grabbed it, shook it, yelled, “Joystick!” and told me to think about that all weekend as he shut my door and walked away.  I was tired but I smiled and shook my head as I drove away.

Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine and I attempted stands WITHOUT the half popcorn thing.  Phil’s fist in place of that would suffice.  I think I tried 2 or 3 times without standing fully to a *BINK.* Phil went to fill his cup with water and I told him to bring me some.  He left and I stared up at the bar.  My hand was still on it and my wheelchair was locked.  I thought, “I CAN do this!”  The worst thing that would happen would be that I would fall and then Phil would just have to pick me up off the floor.  It wouldn’t be the first time.  I grabbed the bar with my other hand and “pushed” more than I “pulled.”  I stood up fully even without Phil’s hand separating my knees for balance.

A little while after I stood, Phil walked through the door carrying 2 cups.  He looked at me and called me a bad word and we both began to laugh.  I held the stand for only a little bit longer and then I sat down.  He handed me a cup of water and asked, “why can’t you do that EVERY time?!”  Well, I think he knows the answer to that question better than I do.  I wish I could.  I’m waiting to. I’m working to.  It just doesn’t happen all the time… Yet.

I drank my water and then we headed to the plyo boxes.  He sat me on the block on the end and told me to put my arms out to my sides and he was going to push my shoulders down as I bent over and I would have to sit up on my own.  He had his hands on my shoulders ready to begin and rolled his eyes as I put my arms in front of me to start in first position.  He was in my way so he let go of my shoulders.  Hey – that is one-third of ALL of the ballet I know and you are ALWAYS supposed to start off in first position.  I think he pushed my shoulders down five times and it was DIFFICULT to recover.  Then he had me lean back and sit up from my head being on the wall behind me.  It wasn’t a full sit-up but I REALLY stunk at it.  He asked me if I stopped working on my abs.  Shamefully, I have.  When this past winter got TOO unbearable for my body, I couldn’t wake up to do them.  I have done them sporadically since the weather has gotten better but not 200 at a time.  I told him that I am STILL Jabba the Hutt and I had to grab his fingers at like the 8th one for help.

Phil took me out to my car and I got in mostly by myself.  We just gave each other five because I think Phil could tell how tired I was.  As he was closing my door, he said, “Nice abs.”  If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I’d have a nickel.  Last night before I went to sleep, I did 200 crunches with my shoulders leaving the bed each time.  I texted Phil that I did them and that I could feel the burn. I will do them again tonight.  Looks like Princess Leia is late to the party but it’s better late than never and Jabba’s GOTTA go!

Phil helped me out of my car and stretched me at the table.  It was a long stretch.  He left and went to the storage closet and then came back to the table.  He had the harness in his hands and dropped it on my stomach and told me that we were going to get in it.  His eyes lit up and he smiled as he waited for my reaction.  It took me a moment to realize that he was going to re-harness me AGAIN! And when I finally realized that it was the harness on my stomach, I asked him, “Seriously?!”  He nodded in response and started slipping my legs into the holes.  It took me a moment to collect myself but I wasn’t going to object.  I knew Phil knew what he was doing and I wasn’t going to argue.

Was I disappointed?!  OF COURSE!!!  Did I want to cry?!  YES!!!  But, I held in all the disappointment and any tears and helped him get me into the harness without objection.  In my head, i made the assertion, “Do Your Worst!” over and over.  Phil brought the PURPLE half popcorn ball thing over and I asked if that was supposed to make things better.  He told me, “No” and set my feet.  Well, that was good, because PURPLE half popcorn ball thing or not, I STILL was harnessed… AGAIN!!!

I stood and did two sets of squats with 58% air assistance.  I liked it better when I could do free squats ON MY OWN!  But, right now, that wasn’t the case.  This fact is difficult for me to swallow but what other choice do I have?!  After the squats, Phil told me to go back to the table so he could stretch me some more.  He took me out to my car and I asked why I was SO tired and Phil said, “Because you stood and did squats.”

“But I really didn’t” is how I felt.  This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I was sitting up taller and my back muscles felt like they had been engaged because they were.  “Little by little, a little becomes a lot.”  I am REALLY being forced to believe this Tanzanian proverb and to apply it to my road to walking.  What other choice do I have?!

Yesterday, Phil stretched me at the table first and I did some manual leg curls and extensions.  Then we went to the Keiser machine and Phil brought the GREEN half popcorn ball thing.  I saw that as a little bit promising.  He stretched me some more and positioned the half popcorn ball thing and my feet and told me to stand.  He pressed his knees against mine as I attempted to stand to offer needed resistance.  I utilized my new-found strategy and had my hands on the bar as I attempted to stand making sure that I “pushed” more than I “pulled.”  I TRIED and my legs shook but I did NOT stand to a *BINK.* I got a little higher on my 2nd time but still was unable to stand up fully.  The 3rd time was similar to the 1st in terms of height so still NO *BINK.* Phil told me to head back to the table for some more stretching and curls.  I didn’t feel SO bad that my attempts to stand were unsuccessful so I raised my hands and let out a small, “Woo-Hoo!” as I rolled down the ramp.

Once back at the table, I was doing curls and extensions and I graduated from “glistening” to straight up SWEATING!  Megan was pulling the bin of clean towels to the office so Phil called her over to give me a towel.  I told him that I could just use my shirt but Megan handed me a towel anyway. It was the SAME kind of towel that Phil had on his shoulders, around his neck.  When she handed me the towel, I wiped my face, told Phil that we were”Matchers!”, positioned it on my neck exactly as Phil had his towel, and laughed.  He  shook his head and kind of laughed and then gave me the SAME face that Sean gives me when I say that to him.  Apparently Phil didn’t appreciate it just like my son doesn’t appreciate it when I say that to him.  Well, it amused me! So I must have said it like 4 more times.

After we were done at the table, Phil pushed me over to the stander.  As he was pushing me past the stander to right beside it, I reminded it that , “I will own you.”  Phil reminded me, “STILL an inanimate object.  It’s not going to respond.”  But, I needed that reminder for myself.  He strapped me in and started cranking it up.  It was INTENSE but better I think.  I stood for 3 minutes, 3 1/2 minutes, and 3 minutes as Eric was pushing himself around in my wheelchair.  He told me that that (pushing yourself in a wheelchair) is a workout and I agreed.  As Phil was uncranking the stander, Eric asked me if that was hard referring to standing in the stander.  I replied  with an EMPHATIC, “YEAH!!!”

After Phil put me in my car and my chair was stowed; he told me that I did a good job and put his fist out.  Before I had fully put my fist out in answer to his fist, he grabbed it, shook it, yelled, “Joystick!,” told me to have a good weekend, and shut my door.  I kind of laughed and sat there for a little while and rested.  I thought about how tired I was and how my back and butt would hurt tomorrow (they do!!!) but I still smiled because I stood for 26 WHOLE minutes this week and that felt REALLY good!!!

I got out of my car by myself and Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine.  He said that I felt a little tight and told me to go over to the table after I did a few leg curls.  I rolled down the ramp with my hands up and let out a little, “Woo-Hoo.” Once at the table, he stretched me some more and told me as I was doing manual leg curls that we were going to go to the stander next.  Well, I HAD to get HYPED!!!  So I looked over to the stander and pointed and then pointed at my two eyes and back to the stander.  I did this like 3 times before Phil kind of laughed and said, “It’s NOT going to respond.”  But, it didn’t matter.  I needed this for MYSELF.  I needed it to get into “the zone.”  I continued my “smack talking” until we got all the way to the stander.  I kind of felt like Apollo Creed and I emphatically told the stander that I was going to “own it!” Phil told me that it was an intimate object and asked me if I knew that.  I DID but still…

Phil picked me up and put me into the stander and strapped me in.  Right before he started cranking it, I reminded the stander to, ” Do your worst!”  Phil cranked it 15 times before I was standing completely straight.  It was CRAZY INTENSE!  I stood for 2 minutes with Phil giving me verbal reminders to put my shoulders back and squeeze my butt.  I stood for 2 minutes and then rested for two minutes twice.  I stood for 2 1/2 minutes the next time for a total of 6 1/2 minutes.

As a rested for the 3rd time, Phil asked me if I wanted to stand for a full 10 minutes.  YOU KNOW IT!!!  So that is what I did.  I stood for 3 1/2 minutes that last time.  My knees really started to resist at this point but there was nowhere for them to go.  As Phil uncranked the machine completely and put me back in my chair.  I looked at the stander with disgust.  I DID just own it!  If my legs weren’t SO tired, I would have kicked it.  I told Phil to take a picture and he just laughed as he pushed me to my car.

it was obvious that he was going to put me into my car but as he lifted me up out of my chair, he brought me to a standing position with his  hands still under my arms and he had me stand for just a little while before he placed me in my car.  Once I was completely in my car and my chair was stowed away, he told me that I did a good job and we fist bumped, a GOOD one!  He took advantage of me being SO tired and grabbed my fist, shook it, and yelled, “Joystick!”  I smiled and as he shut my door, he told me again that I did a, “Good job.”

This morning, my butt was KILLING me!!!  My back muscles didn’t hurt but felt like I had REALLY worked them the day before because I DID!  Maybe the hurting sensation was in comparison to how my butt was feeling.  Regardless, either way, I OWNED that Easy Stand Evolv and THAT felt REALLY good!

Yesterday, Phil stretched me at the table and I did a few leg curls before we headed over to the stander.  I wasn’t afraid even though I knew it was going to hurt.  I told him to “Do your worst!” in my not-so-good French-English accent and began to laugh.  He didn’t get it.  I asked him, “Haven’t you seen “The Count of Monte Cristo“?! kind of incredulously.  He didn’t.  Here is the reason that I kept saying that. (I said it like 20 times)

CLICK PICTURE TO VIEW VIDEO CLIP OF TOAST

He started to crank the machine until I was standing and it was INTENSE and I said, “Do your worst!” AGAIN!  Phil cranked it all the way and told me that I was going to stand for 3 minutes.  it may as well have been FOR AN HOUR!  He put his fingers on my back and told me to squeeze his fingers with my shoulder blades.  It was DIFFICULT  but I put my shoulders back, held them back, and said, “Do you worst!” AGAIN!  I think I stood for a total of 6 minutes and it was CRAZY!!!

Once Phil uncranked the machine fully and my time was up he had to put me in my car because I was SPENT!  I drove home tired and went to bed early because I am back to work now for the 14-15 school year.

When I woke up this morning , my back muscles were KILLING ME! I asked Mr. Curl why and he told me the productivity of my work at Barwis.  Well, okay then!  So, “Do your worst” because I DEFINITELY AM doing mine!!!

Eric helped me out of my car yesterday while Madison held my wheelchair.  Phil stretched me at the Keiser machine and brought over the GREEN half popcorn ball thing.  I’ve changed my strategy to stand.  Instead of using the armrests of my wheelchair to hoist myself up and then grab for the bar, I just place both of my hands on the bar and stand making sure that I “push more than pull.”  It proved to work out pretty well… so I thought.  I prematurely let out and excited, “Yeah! Yeah!” because I was able to get out of my chair but I was unable to stand up completely to a *BINK*.  I tried 4 or 5 times to stand and each time I could only get about halfway up to a stand.  I “pushed” as Phil told me to and my legs shook to no avail.  Before I attempted to stand, Phil said I was going to get on the stander again with a smile.  He must have changed his mind because he told me to go to the table.  I rolled down the ramp with my arms up but in silence.

He pushed me to the table and he began stretching me as I laid on my back.  It was a hard-core stretch and I told him that I lied.  He asked about what and I told him that on Wednesday I said that I liked his stretch better than the stander.  I lied.  I didn’t like his stretch either!  He had me roll to my stomach and he had me do leg curls.  It was difficult and it had been a LONG time since I had grunted with such effort on the table.  I was tired and Phil helped me off of the table and pushed me to my car.

I tried once to get into my car by myself but it OBVIOUSLY wasn’t happening.  Before Phil put me into my car I asked why I haven’t been productive lately.  He told me that I was a bit tight today but Monday and Wednesday were good.  Then he said, “Everyday  you come in,  it’s productive.”  Well that made me feel better!  He put me into my car and I just gave him five because I was too tired to make a fist.  He kind of closed his hand around mine, shook it a little, wished me a good weekend, and shut my door.

I sat there for a little while and thought about what he said about being productive.  My mind is SO set on walking that I’m not seeing that all the stretching and grunts are adding up to get me walking eventually.  I thought about how much progress I’ve made since I started coming to Barwis.  It has been A LOT and I guess that I just have to wait a bit longer.

Phil stretched me by the plyo boxes before we went to the Keiser machine for some stands.  He brought over the GREEN half popcorn ball thing and put it in place.  I was able to get 2 COMPLETE stands off before I stopped so Phil could stretch me some more.  After he stretched me some more, I was NOT able to get any more stands to a full *BINK*.  Phil told me that I was able to get 4 or 5 stands but I think I’ll only count the first 2.  I rolled down the ramp with my hands up but it BUMS me out that I haven’t tried walking in a VERY LONG time!!!

Phil pushed me over to the table and there was a new machine there.  I asked him what it was.  He told me that it was a stander and then asked if I wanted to get in it.  Okay!!!  It was kind of exciting to try something new out!  Phil pushed me up against the machine and lifted me into it.  He strapped my feet in, lowered the tray, and started cranking it up.  Eric came over and made some suggestions so Phil uncranked it and started adjusting things.  I will say that it kind of felt like I was in a high hair awaiting my dinner with the tray down.  After Phil’s adjustments I felt my knees resist and it felt foreign for my butt to be completely beneath me.  Eric began pushing the stander with me in it and I began to laugh and wave to Megan.  Eric kept pushing me and I began to pump my arms as if I were running.  Then Eric pushed me back next to the table. I was tall!  A LOT taller than normal.  I told Phil that and he said it was because I was 6 inches off of the ground.  He cranked the machine one more time and it kind of hurt.  I could feel me knees and my quads resisting.  He cranked it one more time and told me that I needed to hold it for 15 seconds.  That was INTENSE!!!  Easy Stand – NOTHING!!!  I told Phil that I liked his stretches better.  He told me that the stander could stretch me better than he ever could.

Phil uncranked it completely and put me back into my chair.  My body felt COMPLETELY like Jell-O!  Phil put me into my car and I had to sit there for a while because I was SO spent.  On my way home it STILL felt like I was in the stander.  I thought about how differently my muscles were engaged and how it STILL feels that way.  I turned on to Outer Drive and I was almost home as The Script’s new song, “Superheroes” came on.  I LOVE that song!!!  I started thinking about how close walking HAS to be because I’ve been trying SO hard!  I was stopped at a light at Cherry Hill and I began to cry.

Yesterday, it rained like CRAZY ALL DAY!!!  Normally, the rain makes my body hurt quite badly but yesterday I felt okay in spite of the torrential rain.  I was soaking wet when I got into Barwis.  Whenever people see my chair topper in motion, they always comment about how cool it is.  I admit, it IS pretty cool.  I can drive myself places by myself and I do NOT have to drive a mini-van.  I tell people that I can’t park a van and I’m too cool to drive one.  I can’t afford to drive a modified van (they cost $20,000 to modify plus the cost of the van!).  The chair topper was substantially less (The MS Society and MRS (Michigan Rehabilitation Services) Clinic paid for it). It took a year of negotiation but finally my currently owned vehicle (A 2012 Chevy Malibu) was modified with hand-controls and the chair topper.  So, whenever people tell me how “cool” my chair topper is, I tell them, “EXCEPT in the rain!” Then I explain how it has one speed upon engagement so when it is raining, I get DRENCHED!  As I did yesterday.

i got into Barwis and took my hood off to see Brock walking holding two kettle bells.  I didn’t talk to him because he was working but I knew that it would be a good day because I saw Brock.

Again, Phil was sitting on the table waiting for me.  He commented on how soaked my clothes were but I really couldn’t help it.  He stretched me as I sat in my chair and then we traded places.  He put me on the table and he sat in my wheelchair.  I told him that I don’t feel as bad as I normally do in the rain.  I told him that I feel better.  He nodded at pointed to my dangling feet.  He said, “Look at your legs!” with a kick at my feet.  My legs WERE relaxed which is uncharacteristic given the weather.  He poked my quads a little and had me bend and extend my legs.  I asked him how it felt and he mouthed the word, “better.”  SCORE!  It was nice to feel okay.  Phil then had me lie on my stomach and he stretched my legs.  It kind of hurt but I knew it was for the best.  I grunted as Phil was stretching me and he asked if it hurt.  I told him, “No, I ALWAYS grunt like this.”  He then had me sit up and put my arms out to either side and bend forward and then sit back up.  Before I could put my arms out, I HAD to start in 1st position.  (DUH! It’s 1/3 of my ballet knowledge!). I told Phil and he laughed at me.  Once my arms were extended, I bent over and Phil pushed on my shoulders down.  Once he let go he told me to put my head up, push my shoulders back, and sit up.  We did this 15 times but it didn’t start getting difficult until my tenth time but I was still able to complete all of them.

When my time was up, Phil pushed me to the chairs to get my jacket and bag.  Then he pushed me to the roll down door and told me the plan.  It was STILL raining like CRAZY so he told me that he was going to put my bag into the car, leave the door open, and carry me to the car, and bring my chair once I am in the car.  That is what he did and I screamed once the rain hit my head and again once I felt that Phil was running.  He told me to, “shut-up” before we got to my car.  Once in my car, I told him that he was chivalrous because he saved me from the rain.  He stowed my chair away and we didn’t fist bump or “Joystick’ because it was POURING and he already had, “Joystick”ed me earlier.