Month: July 2014

Yesterday wasn’t as warm as it has been.  I felt good for much of the day so I thought that fact would translate to a good showing at Barwis even though I hadn’t been there in a week. I was wrong.  I arrived just a bit early and as I was waiting by the chairs I closed my eyes.  I wasn’t sleeping so I guess I was just “resting my eyes.”  Phil called to me when it was my time and asked me what was wrong.  I shook my head and smiled and told him, “nothing.” He began stretching me at the Keiser machine and I asked him how I felt.

He said, “tight!”  It was true.  My legs had REALLY started to tighten up.  He went to get the PURPLE half popcorn ball thing, positioned it, and told me to stand.  I was trying!  But, I think it was the third or fourth attempt that I ALMOST got all the way up.  I had already asked Phil if we were walking (It has been SOO long since I have!) and he said , “No.”  He told me that I can’t even stand up and told me to go to the table.  I didn’t even roll down the little ramp with my hands up this time and I CERTAINLY didn’t “Woo!”

i was bummed.  It is SO frustrating that I can’t control my body how I want to!  Phil put me on the table and both of my legs stuck straight out.  He told me to, “Relax!”  and I tried to WILL my legs to chill out and bend.  Phil told me to, “Relax” a few more times and when the finally did, he kicked my feet a few times.  I WILLED my legs to NOT tighten up as he hits my feet and I was happy that they remained calm.  We did some manual curls and as he laid me back onto the table I asked him what was going on?!  Phil kind of shrugged and told me that it might be the heat.  Well, that STINKS!!!  I’ve been coming to Barwis long enough and Phil has worked with me long enough to know how my body reacts.  Knowing this fact should lessen my frustration but it doesn’t.  It CAN’T be summer FOREVER and I told Phil that I will shine in the Fall.  Fall seems a LONG way off and I’m cool with that (teacher – remember?!) so in the meantime, I guess I will be frustrated.  I’m STILL going to work (my legs were burning and shaking again in my attempt to stand) but I have to know that a good show may not be evident just yet in this heat.

Phil took me out to my car and put me inside.  I think my frustration may have been evident.  Phil didn’t wait for me to put my hand fully into a fist but he grabbed it anyway and shook it yelling, Joystick!” as he shut my door.  I had to smile and laugh at this.  I realized how tired I was on my way home.

It was cooler when I got to Barwis yesterday.  Phil came out to get me because he saw me pull up through the roll-down doors.  I talked to Lindsay before he came out and my quads were tightening up and NOT allowing me to fully straighten my legs.  I asked Phil what I should do about that.  As he picked me up he told me to, “just push through it.”  Well, that is EASIER said than done!  He began stretching me at a bench and we moved to the Keiser machine. He told me to stand after he positioned the half popcorn ball thing.  (It was the PURPLE one).  I had to fight for it with Phil putting his knees against mine and telling me (in varying tones) to, “push!”  I stood for a long while although I did NOT feel a  “click.”

instead, I felt my quads burn and shake.  Phil fist bumped me after the second or third one.  I asked Phil what we were going to do after stands and he replied, “more stands and stretch” as he stretched my legs.  I thought about that for a minute.  Because of the holiday, I won’t be back to Barwis for a week!  In that case, I could use a good stretch.  I ended up completing 5 stands yesterday.  I felt my quads burn and shake EVERY time.  But they were hard fought for and I was proud of them.

Phil walked me out to my car.  I tried to transfer out of my chair and get into my car but I was having some difficulty. I told Phil that I’d already stood 5 times and he replied, “make it 6.”  I was REALLY trying but it wasn’t happening.  I’ve accepted that it will be a long, hard road but I know that I have come EXTREMELY far. But there is further to go.  Phil ended up putting me into my car.  We fist bumped again after we wished each other a good holiday weekend.  He grabbed my fist, yelled, “joystick!,” and told me to “suck on that ’till I get back,” (he and family are going up north) as he shut my door and laughed.  Oh, Phil!  Well, my butt hurts today and my thighs ache but all this burning and shaking HAS to lead to walking one day!

I saw Parker before I headed over to Barwis (it’s like a mile away).  It was SO great to see Parker.  It has been a year since I last got stretched by him.  He fixed up my hands nicely!  After he worked on my hands, he asked me how my vision was.  The winter before last was when my speech was slurred for about a week and my vision began looking to me as if my eyes were crossed even though they weren’t.  My eyes haven’t been doing that THANKFULLY! Parker told me about the optic nerve and the effects it has on muscles properly firing.

Things started making sense to me.  I thought about it.  Having MS, my central nervous system (CNS) is effected.  The CNS is made of the brain and spinal cord.  The optic nerve is at the base of your brain like where the spinal cord starts.  OF COURSE mine is all wonky; I have MS.  We talked further about this and I was completely fascinated.  He had me roll my eyes in a circle from right to left.  Yeah.  I couldn’t do it.  Go figure, right?!  He told me that is easier to get my muscles to fire properly with my eyes wide open.  He would have me focus my eyes at a point and then tell me to move my legs.  It WAS a whole LOT easier!  He didn’t want to do a whole lot more work because he didn’t want me to be too tired before I got to Barwis.  I asked Parker if he could see any progress and he said that he could.  I was at least getting some muscle firing every time  he told me to move my legs.  A year ago, he said I was still in the “is it moving?”  My brain hadn’t connected thinking about moving a muscle and actually getting them to move.  It was really nice to hear that I am making progress.  He told me that it is a long road and I told him that it’s hard and he agreed.  But, I’m progressing!

At Barwis, Phil stretched me out at the Keiser machine.  He told me to stand. Now, first is always the worst but in this heat, second wasn’t all that good either.  But 3 WAS the charm and I made sure my eyes were WIDE open.  I was up with Phil’s help and encouragement to, “push.”  Overall, I stood 3 times and completed 4 squats.  Then Phil said it was time to walk.

Backey helped us.  My first down, I was up… and got nothing.  My second down,  I was up… and got nothing.  Phil told me to head over to the table.  I told him that, “hope always says one more try.” (I read that on Twitter)  Phil smiled and gave me one more down.  My third down, I was up… and I got nothing.  We went back to the table and Phil stretched me until my time was over.  Backey helped me into my car.

I REALLY  thought I would have had a better showing; I even kept my eyes WIDE OPEN!  But, my desire and hard work are nothing compared to heat.  This heat has proved to be too much for me.  It REALLY stinks going from the harsh winter to this sweltering heat.  As I drove home, I was not going to allow myself to feel defeated.  I can’t do anything about how my body reacts to the heat; but I could FEEL my quads firing at the bar.  This is an EXTREMELY long and hard road; but I am progressing.  Remember, “Little by little…”