Month: April 2014

Driving to Barwis, my legs felt really relaxed.   They felt good, even.  It had been SO long since my legs felt this good.  I was even wiggling my toes.  The weather was finally breaking and it felt REALLY good!  I even had my back windows down a bit.  But then I pull up to Barwis.  I don’t know what happened but as soon as I pull into the parking space, my quads tighten up.  I get my chair down and get set to stand and transfer and it is a no go.  I try 5 or 6 times but I can’t fully straighten my legs to stand up.  I didn’t want to risk it and end up on the ground outside so I call Dusty.  He doesn’t answer so I text Phil.  He told me that he couldn’t come out to get me just as Grady comes over to my car.  Grady offered to help me.  Great!  ANOTHER person is going to know how much I weigh!  So Grady helped me get into my chair and he brings me in.  NOTa good sign for “Walking Wednesday.”

Phil stretches me out and my right leg really didn’t want to cooperate.  I told Phil that I miss Jesse.  I looks at me and says “OH?!”  As if I miss Jesse so he’s not good enough.  That’s not the case at all and I tell Phil that I didn’t give Jesse a nick name (Phil smiled a little at this).  I just miss him.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen him and I would like to get his take on my progress.  I was only able to do 4 *BINK*ing stands before we head to the turf.  Again, NOT a good sign for “Walking Wednesday.”

My first down, I couldn’t get anything.  My right foot did NOT want to join the party so I sat down again.  Phil stretched me out a bit more and for my 2nd down, I got 5 yards and then collapsed to the turf.  Phil stretches me some more than for my 3rd down I get 3 more and then collapsed.  Phil said it was time to end and I protest that I only got 3 downs.  He gives me one more (I swore I was going to get those 2 yards that I needed for the conversion).  I didn’t.  I was denied.  I only got 1 more.  Phil had someone after me so Mike was taking me out, we were still on the turf and he put his fist out.  This was my opportunity so I took it, grabbed his fist, and yelled, “Joystick!”  He smiled and pulled his hand away.  I KNEW I’d get him eventually!  We talked some more and then I was deciding if I was going to put my fist out or not and Phil just grabbed my hand and shook it saying “joystick” and walked away.  That DIDN”T count!

Mike took me out to my car and I told him that I was denied and I only got 9 yards.  He asked how many yards I got when Jesse was here.  Jesse’s last day, I was at 101 yards.  Then he asked where I was at now.  I told him 239 and 2 steps.  He was amazed and told me that even those 9 yards were a lot farther than I had walked before.  He put me in my car and we said our goodbyes.

I drove home thinking about why I was NOT satisfied with 9 yards.  I think it was just because I had come off of my last “Walking Wednesday” getting 35 yards.  I KNOW that walking IS possible for me.  I just have to wait for it and that is SO frustrating!  I thought about a tweet I retweeted and Jesse favorited not too long ago.

          Jennifer Rios‏@jenrios0945

“@Vuible: Little by little, a little becomes A LOT. -Tanzanian Proverb    http://Vuible.com/?p=438 ” 230 yards and 2 steps, baby! & counting…

I guess my “little” is in the process of becoming “A LOT.”  I’m grateful for it and I KNOW more is on the horizon.  I just have to get there.  Maybe next “Walking Wednesday”…

TOTAL YARDAGE = 239 AND 2 STEPS.

I woke up yesterday in pain as well.  I got to work and couldn’t transfer out of my car to my wheelchair.  I tried though and ended up sitting on the asphalt right outside of my driver’s side door.  I called the school and Mr Curl came out to get me.  I told him that I was beyond embarrassed and he told me not to worry about it.  He asked if I needed any help carrying in anything but I have that routine down very well so I declined.  But I told him that now I have “man smell” on me.  He laughed and told me that he just shaved.  I smelled that “man smell” all morning.  It wasn’t all the time though, it was just when I would turn my head away from my computer after doing attendance or something to wheel back to my table where my students sit.  It was a reminder of how I failed to transfer on my own in the morning.  I didn’t so much dig that.

I get out of work and I am talking with my friend by my car and the weather was SO nice; I thought about transferring back into my car and was a bit trepidatious because of my fail this morning.  But then my brother pulls up and came over to talk with us so I told him to “spot” me and I was able to get into my car and he helped me with my feet and I was good to go.  I get to Barwis and get set to get out.  Or nah.  I wasn’t feeling very confident so I sat down with my legs out of the car and my wheelchair across from me.  I ended up calling Dusty.  Phil was training someone so Mike came out to get me.  It’s interesting how I don’t like to take help from people and usually I just thank them and tell them, “I got it.”  But today I had TWO different men pick me up!  They weren’t strangers but it still was SO uncomfortable for me.  I’ve gotten better at telling people the best way to help me in this situation though.  I think it’s because Phil does it most times so I tell them how he does it and so far that works for them too.

My legs were really tight and Phil said, “Shhhhh” and “Just.” many times.  I told him that he can’t change-up the catch phrases like that though.  I ended up doing 2 standing *BINK*s and we didn’t use the “stand-er upp-er blocker” yesterday.  Phil told me to head over to the table.  He stretched me some more and we did manual leg curls and extensions.  Then that was it.

I tried to get into my car but I couldn’t and Phil got me in.  I asked how I did today and he nodded and said it was a good stretch.  I want more than just a “good stretch” though.  I want to walk a million steps and not hurt so badly.  I think our fist bumps now are just Phil and me both trying to grab each other’s hands so it’s a weird, grab-y high-five in which both of us laugh because neither one of us were able to “joystick.”

I drove home thinking about today and the help I needed getting into and out of my car and the difficult time I had with stands.  But I was able to get out of my car by myself in my driveway when I got home.  I checked my twitter account and I saw this:

 Barwis Methods‏@BarwisMethods

Katie is working on walking so she can walk down the aisle! She is such a sweetheart! Check it out! #MiracleMonday http://bit.ly/1ojQuX7

I watched it a number of times and I know how hard Katie is working and how hard it is!   Then there was the video of me that I have never seen.  I clicked on that.  I’ve watched these videos many times.

If you stay watching me (with my summertime non-blowdryed hair) 2 video segments after that is me walking on July 29, 2013 (first time in YEARS).  I think I feel steadier now than I look on that day.

I meant it when I told Jesse that I’ll do anything to walk and I still do!  I guess that “anything” involves asking for help when I need it.  So bring it.  I’m grabbing my guts and swallowing my pride and I’m looking forward to “Walking Wednesday” #22.