I woke up yesterday morning in A LOT of pain. Again, showering and getting ready for work was an EXTREMELY slow process. I was miserable at work and could not wait to get to Barwis. There is noticeably LESS snow so it makes me realize that this “Meltdown” HAS to be almost over and then spring will be here and I will feel better.
I get into Barwis and Phil asks me how I am and I tell him that “I am tired of being tired.This hurts.” He told me to head over to the table. I was headed there but I was moving quite slowly. Halfway to the table, Phil just pushed me. I told him that my legs kept getting twisted up when I was at work and he told me that he knows and pointed to my legs. They had gotten twisted up AGAIN! So Phil gets me on the table and then moved it away from the wall. He began to stretch me and it was obvious that my legs and hips were extremely tight and it kind of hurt. My legs started to feel better but the stretch still hurt. I asked Phil if this (pointing to my legs) was because of the “Meltdown” and he replied, “Probably.” I asked him if he feels defeated that he stretches me out one day and I get really loose and the next time I come in, it’s all tight again. He shook his head and then I said, “I do.” Jesse was right. Everyday IS an accident.
Phil and I spent my time at Barwis just stretching me out. I didn’t attempt any squats or stands. I’m not coming on Wednesday because I have a meeting with my niece for her upcoming confirmation. My pastor is aware that I have told Phil that my deadline is May 6th; that’s Natalie’s (my niece) confirmation date. Both Phil and my pastor know that I am joking because you really can’t put a target date on my walking but I know it is coming. I wish it would hurry up and STOP hurting in the meantime.
Phil put me in my car and told me that it was a good stretch and I put my fist out. He grabbed it, yelled “joystick,” laughed, and shut my door. I left the parking lot at Barwis in silence. My legs were feeling better but that was because I was sitting. I was going to have to get out of my car and that was when the “hurting” would start again.
It wasn’t until I was on the freeway that I turned the radio on. I didn’t want to listen to Sara Bareilles (that’s my happy/walking CD) so I turned the radio on. R.E.M.’s Everybody Hurts came on the radio. I remember liking this song as a kid when it came out and I hadn’t heard it for a while so I left it playing. I don’t even know what station it was on. Yeah, I was kind of bummed and I was hurting but I don’t think that “everybody hurts” like I am hurting right now. I didn’t change the station and I don’t even know what songs came on after it finished. I was lost in thought. I arrived home and had to get out of my car. Yep. Just what I thought. This hurts. When I climbed into bed last night, it still hurt. I had Sean bring me my work iPad. I looked up the R.E.M. song, I read the lyrics and facts about the song. It came out in 1993. I was 11 and my second oldest brother, Steve, was in college. That made sense. I hadn’t cried yet so I tought I was doing pretty good. I was “holding on”pretty well. I thought about how much my body was hurting and that it will pass and things will feel better soon. I clicked on the link to hear the song as I fell asleep. I listened to it a few times and hot tears soaked into my pillow before I fell asleep.