Jesse has worked with the former paraplegic people such as Brock and Chris. He also currently works with 3 women with MS. I am one of them. The last “Walking Wednesday” (October 30, 2013), I had a set-back. I am still dealing with the aftermath of that set-back. Jesse told me sometime last week that people who are paraplegic from an accident, have 1 accident and they move forward from that day. With people with MS, EVERYDAY is an accident. He said that to me and it made complete sense! It wasn’t as if I already hadn’t lived through these “accidents” everyday for the last 13 years but to hear a person without MS completely GET IT was almost overwhelming. These accidents are NEVER fatal. Sometimes they total my car and sometimes they are mere “fender-benders.” Everyday is different. Most days they hurt.
I had a friend tell me that an MS diagnosis is not a death sentence. Instead, you have to LIVE with it for rest of your life. That “living with it” is hard sometimes. It’s frustrating having my brain tell my body to do something and it doesn’t. It can’t. or it won’t. Something that I used to do effortlessly before is now impossible for me to do. Or I need help to complete a task I used to complete without thinking before. THAT fact is the hardest to deal with!!! I get frustrated when I need to ask someone to help me. It’s humiliating and I don’t like it.
I am blessed with a mother who will help me with anything and not make me feel bad for asking. That fact doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad about it. I greatly dislike asking in the first place. With this last set-back, she had to and still has to help me with A LOT. I looked at her with beseeching eyes and asked if she knew that the help I need right now isn’t forever. It has to get worse before it gets better, it has to hurt if it’s to heal, everything worth having is hard to get. This set-back was just a means to an end. The end will be me walking. If she knew this, it would be easier for me. She looked at me with tired eyes and said, “yes, Jennifer. I know.” As long as she could “steady the course” with me. It would be okay. “This too will pass.” It is hard sometimes in the midst of the all the bad to remember this but what other choice do I have?