Megan was in ATI talking with Luba when I came in. As I laid on the table and Luba stretched my leg out, I told Megan that I would be back at Barwis in April. My schedule is set and I am working with Nick Montoni on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m excited and I’ve worked with Nick before. I’ve told people that I have known Nick with and without a beard. He is bearded now but back when he was an intern, he didn’t have one.
i told Megan that with these last muscle tears, I feel that the idea walking is slipping away. I used to feel that I was on the cusp of walking and that it was SO close. I fear that my immobility with these last muscle tears has made the idea of walking again somewhat fuzzy. I used o see it SO clearly with my “Walking Wednesdays” but now it isn’t as clear. My memories of “Walking Wednesdays” are just that. Memories. It almost feels SO distant and somewhat implausible that I actually did that after my MS diagnosis and after being in a wheelchair for so long. Megan looked at me and shook he head when I told her that maybe walking wasn’t in the cards for me. She assured me that all of this was just a “bump in the road.”
i needed to hear that. I needed to be assured. I laid back and thought about what Megan had said with the stim on my leg. Mike Morfitt stopped in and asked when I was coming back to Barwis. I told him next week and told him my thoughts about walking becoming out of reach for me. As he walked out the door, he simply said, ” I don’t know about that.” Right then. I’m not wrong to want to walk. I needed that reassurance that I WILL get there and all of these muscle tears are just bumps in the road. I hadn’t anticipated that my road to walking would be SO long, nor had I anticipated all of these bumps; but I am still moving forward. I HAVE to!