Monday, I had physical therapy. When my son got home before I got ready to leave, I had him bring in the mail. I received a letter from my employer. This letter terminated my employment and my benefits. I didn’t get through all of the letter before I started crying. I am still recovering from surgery! It’s sure but extremely slow! My knee still hurts A LOT!
I wore my sunglasses during physical therapy like I used to wear them when I went inside the building once I got to work ( before the day started with students) when my Dad first died. I wore them in the morning (at 6:15, when it was still dark outside) because back then, I cried the entire way to work so my eyes would get puffy and red. I was afraid my eyes would be puffy and red again because all I could do all the way to physical therapy was cry.
My job there was my only teaching job. I was hired in right after college. It was my first “Big Girl” job. I was hired in having MS with a three-year-old son. I’ve worked there for 12 years, first as a seventh grade English teacher and once I got my Masters degree, the Reading Specialist. I have many fond memories there with the staff and students alike.
Given that my benefits package was also terminated, I still have to pay for continued post-surgery rehab and doctor’s appointments. I’m not quite sure how I am going to do this. I looked into a Go Fund Me account and the possibility of holding another Booster because I am a sucker for a logo-Ed shirt! I saw the fees for both of those and it disheartened me.
I have heard of having a PayPal account (I know that I am late to the party) but I have one and that account is linked to the email address: jfr0945@gmail.com. If anyone can give me suggestions on what I could/should do to raise money, that would be great! I have a mortgage to pay and I do not live lavishly, however; am a single mother so any guidance or donations would be appreciated! Thank you so much! For now, I am just stunned! I have a few blog posts to write but again, for now, I am just stunned!
I feel like it is taken me so much longer to read this book than previous books that I have posted here. When I was young, I used to read a Babysitters Club book in one day during the summer. That is no longer the case. . This fact is because I have to limit my reading.
I mostly read in the morning when my eyesight is at its best. I’ve also learned that it is very difficult for me to read italics now. I enjoyed reading this book and found myself frustrated when I would have to stop reading because I was having difficulty seeing the words or I was getting a headache from all of the focusing. I was determined to finish the book today so I tried my hardest!
I saw a post about John O’Leary with a clip of his story and information about his book on Facebook and it interested me. I told my son about it. The next day, Sean went to the bookstore and bought the book. This book was the first book he bought for me. When he was small, that was a “treat” for us to go to the bookstore because he knows my love of reading and I think I imparted that love to him before cell phones, social media, and high school (for him).
This book was a good one! I cried and have taken some really good information from it that hopefully I will apply to my life. This one is worth a read!
Erica Bryant-Gorny posted this picture on Facebook. Thank you so much! LOVE the purple!!!
I am thinking of doing another Booster because I emailed the person responsible for payroll from my work regarding my summer pay (because I am a teacher and school is out now) and I swore I had a magic eight ball that read “Outlook not so good.”
Support has been tremendous so I’m thinking tank tops or something… Or maybe I just need to win the lottery… Or PLAY the lottery!
Today, my friend Renée took me, Sean, and her daughter to the Secretary of State to get the kids’ permits. Now, I have not left my house since surgery other than to go to physical therapy; but given that I am the sole legal guardian of my son, I had to go to sign for it with my proof that we live where he says we live and that I am responsible for him.
My son is BEYOND helpful all the time! He was MORE helpful today because he was getting his permit. He helped me into the front seat of Renee’s car and the drive there was shorter than it is to get to ATI. Renée ran in with all of their documents to make sure we had everything before Sean got me out of the car. Once it was certain that the kids had all necessary documentation, Sean got me out of the car and Renée wheeled me into the Secretary of State.
It was empty! Absolutely empty! This has never happened to me! We were there for about five minutes, just long enough for Renée to snap this picture of me and Sean.
When Sean handed me his permit to sign, I started to cry. I can’t believe that my baby is getting his permit! He is growing up too fast! This all seemed a bit overwhelming to me! Now, given that I have undiagnosed PBA, I started to laugh as tears welled up in my eyes. I could feel myself smiling from ear to ear and I felt so silly.
I’m grateful that we were in and out so quickly because my knee began to hurt more than it was before we went there! I was uncomfortable in my chair and I really just wanted to put my leg up and ice my knee. Just after we returned home, my mom came to take me to ATI. Sean helped get me into the car and as he did asked my mom if he could drive.
Surprisingly, she said yes so Sean and my Mom loaded me into the backseat so my mom could sit in the passenger’s seat and Sean could drive. He did well but he drives too fast. He took a turn too fast so my Mom had him pull over and she finished driving the rest of the way to ATI. As we got into ATI (Sean stayed in the car) and Brad met us at the door, my mom exclaimed that we were not good!
I laughed and told him that I was good but she was not. She told him all about Sean driving there! Because she needed to relax, she sat in the white chair next to the table and we talked with Brad and Alaina about learning to drive. It was entertaining and everyone had stories, some of them horror stories, about learning to drive.
Brad started off by rubbing the inside of my knee and I told him that yesterday the outside was hurting like it did before surgery. I asked him why and told him that it made me kind of nervous because I thought Dr. Frush had shaved the outside of my knee because it was a bit frayed. My Mom asked him if I was going to need another surgery and he shook his head. He explained that the places I said hurt were muscular and there was nothing broken but there was still tightness in my knee so that is why it was hurting.
He put my knee in traction for a long time and that felt so good! I told him that it felt so good! When he was finished with that, he bend my knee and kind of tapped on it like he did the last time for a short time and then he had Alaina hook me up for ice and stim.
As she was doing so, she told my mom that she was going to a Train concert at DTE this weekend. My mom told her that I saw them and I just looked at Alaina and told her it was in my younger days. I told her they put on a good show because they do and didn’t want to spoil the beginning for her but I told her that it’s pretty cool.
As Brad and my Mom got me back into my chair, my Mom told Brad that she was going to drive home and that she was not going to let Sean. When we get the car, she told Sean that he could drive. I don’t like sitting in the backseat of my car but I know that I could not direct him in the front seat.
Now, kids have to input their driving time into an app on their phone. He didn’t and put it on the way there but he set it to record for the way back. We were almost home and then it started to rain. Like, torrential rain! It scared me! But Sean was a trooper! He did very well and pulled over when it continued and my mom and he switched places. He has to log 30 hours of driving before he can register for segment two class. It is his first day and he has 38 minutes. When we got home, I told him that he drives too fast but he did well.
My knee ached as we drove to ATI. It was a constant ache that has been constant for 274 days. It’s been 274 days since my knee was injured. It is an ache that I am very familiar with, used to it but still not comfortable with it. It hurts! It’s an ache inside of my knee and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do to get rid of it.
I’m not sure if Brad saw the desperation in my eyes or the frustration or the pain; probably a combination of all three because that’s exactly what I felt! He started off with traction to relieve some of that ache. It looked like he was counting so I just laid back and closed my eyes because it felt really good!
He worked on the inside of my knee when he was finished with the traction. He worked on my calf as well and I asked him about the ache. Why is it aching so much?! He told me that there is still some swelling, that the inside of my knee feels tight and my calf feels tight as well. Hearing this frustrated me!
After he did this, he bent my knee a little bit and told me that we were going to work on lifting my foot again. For my first couple of times, I tried too hard and tensed my body. It didn’t really matter; I didn’t really move AT ALL! He told me not to tense my body so much and instead tapped on my kneecap to help activate the muscles as he had me try to lift my foot off of the table again. It did start to move but definitely not like the movement I used to get when I was going to Barwis.
When I finished this, Mira set me up with ice and stim. It is only during these 15 minutes that I feel true relief. As I write this post, the outside of my knee is aching tremendously! It hasn’t ached like this since before surgery. It is the ache that I used to describe as a little bits that needed to be sucked out of my knee and then my knee would feel better.
The healing process is very slow and is concerning to me. Putting up with this ache for 274 days is BEYOND taxing! But, I know that the only way to get through this is to get through this! There is no other way and to me, that’s sad but true.
My physical therapy schedule has changed. To stretch out my physical therapy time until I see Dr. Frush again, and to keep in the parameters of insurance covering them, I have moved to twice a week with Brad. Mondays and Thursdays. I told Brad that my knee still hurts and feels a little bit unsteady. I am not looking forward to two more months of pain!
He listened and once I was on the table he bent my knee a little bit and worked my knee, concentrating on the inside. After he did that, he got the seatbelt and attached it to my ankle. My Mom was there and asked about the traction. He explained about, “opening the space” and I just laid back and enjoyed it!
After he was finished pulling my leg in traction, he straightened my leg and pulled my leg sideways toward him. I felt the stretch in my groin and in my hip. It felt nice. Then he bent my knee and started tapping on it to get me to lift my foot. Because I haven’t been to Barwis in so long, I wasn’t very successful in moving my foot. He thought for a moment and left to get something. Before he left, he told me he was going to try something new.
He came back with something that looked like one of my two deodorants. I started using natural deodorant about 10 years ago when I went “organic”. I use “the Crystal” and then I put on a separate stick of deodorant (just because it smells good).
I couldn’t find a good picture that actually shows what it looks like so this other one is not the kind I use but it shows what it looks like better (I wish I used it because it’s purple!):
When you use “the Crystal,” you get it wet before you apply it. Brad brought over something that looked like that. He started rubbing it on my need to activate my muscles. Turns out it was ice. Now, I guess its a good thing that I can’t really feel my legs 100%, it wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t insanely cold! After my injury, my knee pain at it’s worst was a 10 but maybe it really was a 15 but I couldn’t feel it all the way.
So he would rub it on my knee and then he would tap it with his fingers to activate my muscles. I asked him what he was doing was called he told me it was “Facilitory Icing.” He wanted to facilitate muscle movement in my leg. I’m not sure how well it worked but it felt nice to numb my knee from the pain.
After a while, he finished, dried my knee with a towel, and hooked me up for ice and stim. I think it is really cool that they use all kinds of tools to help my knee feel better! It just stinks that it is going to be another four months until my knee feels completely better!
Lots of random memories have come to my mind recently. I remember being in the backseat of the station wagon with my brothers and their friends. My Dad was driving us somewhere. One of my brother’s friends made the observation that my Dad, “Just drives.” All of us kids were in the backseat laughing and talking while my dad was in the front “just driving.”
My Dad didn’t talk a lot. I can remember taking long drives just me and my Dad and not talking at all. It wasn’t uncomfortable, we just didn’t talk. So, my Dad didn’t talk much and he sure DIDN’T dance! The other day, I was riding in the front seat of my car with my mom. I let her pick the music; it was hot outside and it was really affecting me. I just leaned my head back against the headrest and stared out the window. My Mom listens to either the 50s, 60s, or 70s channel on my XM radio.
Ocassionally, I can dig it because I know so many of the songs from hearing them growing up. My Mom was listening to the 70s on 7 and I didn’t immediately recognize this song but I found it strange that I knew all the words and could sing them if I wasn’t so tired. It wasn’t until the refrain started that I knew what song it was.
I’ve heard this song numerous times and my Mom would always tell the story of when she was dating my Dad and this song came on and he sang along and danced! Granted, it was just arm rolls finished off with a finger in the air but I’ve NEVER witnessed this. My mom would show me or us how he danced to it so now I think of him doing that and smile. I smile because I miss my Dad, who I only called “Daddy,” and witnessing my mom tell the story, she smiles at the memory which makes me smile at seeing too.
My Mom took me to physical therapy on Monday. Sean didn’t even have to come with us because I could sit in the front seat and didn’t need him to help me get into the backseat. He was at football practice anyway. I was EXCITED to be sitting in the front seat and in control of the radio, I turned the radio on as my Mom got the wheelchair into the trunk. I heard “Shut up and Dance” by Walk the Moon.
This song reminds me of Michael (Rhoades) so it is technically a Barwis song. He told me he liked it a couple of months after I had already posted it on the monthly “Faves” portion of my blog. He said it was “pop-y” but he liked it anyway. I liked it but didn’t feel the need to explain myself. I was excited to hear some of my favorite songs because I was in control of the radio; however, I only remember pulling out of my driveway because I fell sound asleep! Like, totally zonked! I woke up when we are almost on Sheldon Road near ATI to the sound of Peter, Paul, and Mary. “Leaving on a Jet Plane.”
This song has always been my Mom and Dad’s song, are used to sing it to Sean when he was small when we would go to sleep and I was too tired to read a story to him. I woke up hearing this song and smiled to myself because I really dig it! We pulled up to ATI and my mom helped me out of the car. It feels strange not having my brace and hurts a little.
Brad worked my knee and I told him about Dr. Frush taking my brace off, telling me that my leg muscles were atrophied, that I would be in pain for another two months, and possibly transitioning back to Barwis at my next appointment. Dr. Frush worked on my range of motion and this was when he noticed how atrophied my leg muscles were. He told me that the goal would be to get me to 120°. So Brad worked on this and get me to 107°. It felt good and he finish me off with stim and ice.
I am nervous to NOT have my brace any longer. I don’t like that I could be in pain for another two months or that this whole process will be five months. It is so much easier getting into the front seat of the car now but it is not without some pain. Eventually, that won’t be the case but not anytime soon.
My friend Renée took me to my appointment with Dr. Frush. Sean accompanied us. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say because my knee still hurt and felt unstable. Once we got into the office, I put my leg up on the end table next to the chairs in the waiting room again. Once I was called, Renée came back with me to the exam room.
Casey brought me back and rearranged the chairs so I could sit at the far end of the room, across from the door. She brought another chair over and propped my leg up on it. Renée sat on the exam table. We laughed! Casey unclicked my brace and took it off of my leg so my leg was completely exposed. She asked how my knee felt and I told her that it still hurt and it just felt unsteady to me. The few times that I put weight on it while transferring, it felt wobbly.
She told me she wasn’t sure what Dr. Frush was going to say about that so she didn’t want to say anything. Dr. Frush’s assistant came in, Dr. Sutton, and looked at my knee. He asked about my ACL scar and moved my kneecap around a little bit. I told him about Brad doing it at physical therapy not long after surgery and how it hurt. He said that they have to make sure that the patellar tendon is healing properly.
I told him about my reaction to the pain meds and how my knee feels wobbly and still hurts. He listened thoughtfully to everything I said. He left to concur with Dr. Frush and told me that he would be back. When Dr. Sutton came back with Dr. Frush; Dr. Frush shook mine and Renee’s hands. Because of the rearranged chairs, he had nowhere to sit; so he hopped up on the counter next to the sink.
Once he was seated, I told him that I didn’t believe it was a four-month recovery after surgery but because it still hurts so much, I believe him now. He laughed and said, “Four… Or five months.” WHAT?! That idea really stinks but it is completely believable! He told me that I could be in pain for another two months. WHAT?!
He told me that by now, I should not have my brace anymore. The thought of this scared of me because my knee still hurt and felt unsteady. He examined my knee and pulled it inward to the left ( that HURT) and then pushed it outward to the right which didn’t hurt as badly. He told me that my leg muscles were extremely atrophied and that at my next appointment with him, we would talk about transitioning back to Barwis.
I was really excited when he said this! I have missed Barwis so very much! I made my next appointment for six weeks from now and when we went back to the car, I still sat in the backseat. My knee hurt and it felt better when it was stretched out and I was a little nervous being brace-less and having to bend my knee to sit in the front seat.
