Well, my knee still hurts very badly. Every second of every day! The most recent development is that when I roll over in bed, it pops out! There is no comparison to being sound asleep in your warm bed, rolling over, feeling the burn just before my knee pops out of its socket, hearing the subsequent “POP,” then feeling the excruciating pain! My eyes fly open and I am absolutely stunned! Paralyzed in agony. It takes a second to get my bearings and if I roll over again, my knee might “pop” back in. It takes 2 or 3 times of rolling over onto my stomach and then over onto my back and then I will hear the, “pop” of it going back into place. I’m still in pain because it, “popped” out but I can begin to relax.
Until i have my surgery, I tell myself NOT to roll over! If I don’t roll over, it will be fine. Right? Until, the newest development is I lay on my side and just moved my right leg in the slightest and the process begins again just before the, “POP.” At this point, I couldn’t roll back and forth but was paralyzed in pain until my Mom came by to “pop” it back into place. With each, pop” I am concerned that I am doing MORE damage to my knee. If I think about this too much, I’m stunned.
Now, I’ve never been punched in the face, right in the nose, but I imagine that it does NOT feel good and it also has a stunning effect. In the past week, I’ve received some proverbial “Punches in the face.” I hope that I don’t offend anyone by using this comparison, if I do, I apologize. This comparison works for the stunned, shocked, and paralyzed feeling I’ve experienced a few times since I stopped working and learned that I needed surgery.
The first punch came when I received an email calling in to question the possibility of NOT having a job opening for me the upcoming school year as I am out for the duration of this year. The second punch came when I received a phone call from the insurance/billing office of the hospital where my surgery is going to be performed. Now, Sean has had a couple of mouth surgeries that came along with his braces. I’ve had these types of conversations with the insurance/billing department of the oral surgeon but they were for my son. I’m SUPPOSED to do this. The surgeries were NEEDED, so I took care of it. Thank God I have insurance. I have NEVER had surgery myself where I am the person in charge of the bill.
I wasn’t ready for it. I’ve had surgery twice in my life and I was a dependent on my Dad’s insurance both times. Now, the discussion regarding payment for both of Sean’s surgeries were done face to face. Mouth surgery is A LOT less expensive than knee surgery I’ve since learned with the phone call. The woman was pleasant on the phone and matter-of-fact. When I spoke with the oral surgeon insurance/billing department they first tell me how much the surgery is, how much insurance will pay, and how much I am responsible for. The woman on the phone did the same thing BUT the dollar amounts were SO much BIGGER! Hearing the tens of thousands of dollars being enumerated, I was grateful that we were on the phone so she could NOT see my face with my bugging out eyes. I was stunned!
Stunned because the amount I am responsible for is more than an entire 2-week paycheck. It was easy for me to take in the information for Sean’s mouth because he NEEDED the surgery. But, I also NEED this surgery. Wow! I’m not quite sure of what’s going to happen, well the surgery IS happening, just not sure of the “how afterward. I’ve been stunned with this information trying to sit with these figures. But then here comes “Punch in the face” #3.
I have yet to get a specific answer of how I am to be paid while I am off work awaiting this very expensive knee surgery. I have had automatic deposits from my employer for 12 years. It’s clockwork. All of the automatic withdrawals from my bank account are set up accordingly. I get paid twice a month. I am a salaried employee, contracted for this school year. Only, I didn’t get my scheduled deposit today. STUNNED. With a few tears, I’m not going to lie…