10.8.14 A Beast In My Belly

I turned the radio on as I was driving home from Barwis yesterday and The Script song had just began.  Superheroes. This  song has made my blog in my “Tunes” strand and has never been listened to with me NOT crying.  Yesterday was no exception.  As I drove home this song couldn’t be MORE fitting for me.

At the end of the workday for me (the school day for the kids) yesterday I was speaking to a colleague about my work at Barwis.  I told her that working at Barwis for as long as I have I have learned the importance of “going to fatigue” (as Jon told me two summers ago) and how you ALWAYS have more in your tank than you thought you did.  I can push myself that far now.  This fact has been good for me in many ways.  In addition to knowing that I can push myself further than I thought I could go, I also have to persist when I realize that I can push myself no further without reaching my goal.  I have to persist when my legs are shaking and I am unable to stand to a *BINK* at the Keiser machine.  I have to persist even when I can’t get any more steps off.  I have to persist when I need someone to help transfer me from my car to my wheelchair (Matt, a new intern, helped me yesterday).  I have to persist MOST when I can’t do anything more than be still and breathe through it when Phil is stretching me.

I have been working at Barwis for just about 15 months and I am NOT walking consistently – YET.  I haven’t been fighting for  this “all my life” but I AM “struggling to make things right” (with my walking).  It is a VERY long road but I persist.  Yesterday WASN’T a “Walking Wednesday” (I’m having difficulty remembering them with clarity now) but I did 5 sets of 10 low back hypers (when Phil pushes my shoulders down AFTER I get into 1st position in ballet). Phil HATES when I do that but I HAVE to have good form!  I did these 50 hypers in quick succession.  My lower back as well as my belly burned while doing these.  That is my favorite line in that The Script song.  Because I feel that I have a beast in my belly and it IS hard to control.  I’m  not “learning how to fly” but rather how to walk and I will have persistence no matter how long it takes.