I hadn’t been to Barwis ALL WEEK thus far. (I was not feeling well Monday or Wednesday). I wanted to have an EXCEPTIONAL showing but deep within me, I knew better. Yesterday was the first I had driven in a week so it was nice that I was driving such a familiar route as the route to Barwis is to me. I was feeling A LOT better but I don’t think I was 100%.
Phil stretched me at the chairs and I asked him how my legs felt. He replied, “Tight… But not as tight as he thought they would be.” When I was driving to Barwis, my legs DIDN’T tighten up as they usually did. They remained relaxed. So my legs are “tight” (I knew they would be) but them being not as tight as Phil thought they would be is a good thing. I asked about Sherrie and Amanda (2 other women with MS who come to Barwis also). He told me that he hadn’t seen Sherrie in a while and about Amanda’s progress. Then I asked, “So, I’m the only one doing…” I threw my hands up and shook my head a little and made a face. “Nothing.” Was how I chose to end that sentence. Phil said something quietly so I asked him to repeat himself and he told me that I WAS doing “something.”
We went to the Keiser machine and I attempted to stand 3 times with no luck. Phil told me to head over to the table. I threw my hands up in silence rolling down the ramp. They have a new table now. I told Phil that I liked the other one better. He stretched me some more. It kind of hurt but it felt productive in the same regard. He took me out to my car and I got in kind of by myself. He, “joystick”ed me, told me to have a good weekend, and closed my door. I drove home not really hearing the radio. I was deep in thought about missing the “Walking” days at Barwis (it’s ALL confused whether it is Monday, Wednesday, or Friday now). Progress was more linear before and it’s difficult to take that is ISN’T so much now. I told myself ALL the things that I have told myself all along. I have to “wait for it,” “little by little,” “slowly but surely.” I WANT to walk again. I am determined to walk again and now since I’ve started coming to Barwis, I’m doing something about it. But the truth is, I have to wait for it.