I fell asleep before my time at Barwis. I closed my eyes and I guess it was more than just resting my eyes because I was startled awake. You know that sensation when you are asleep and you’re falling? Well, it was like that. Phil stretched me out and asked why I was so tight. Well, I didn’t sleep well and it rained in the morning. I was trying to push through it but I wasn’t doing very well. Phil set my feet and positioned the PURPLE half popcorn ball thing and told me to stand. I heard what it is REALLY called but I think I like “half popcorn ball” better opposed to “stepping stone.” I’m not doing any steps with it so I will continue to call it a half popcorn ball thing. I stood with A LOT of difficulty and A LOT of help from Phil. Phil told me on Friday that I need to, “push more with my legs then pull with my arms.” I was kind of an “A-ha!” moment for me. I did what he said and was ecstatic when I ACTUALLY was pushing MORE than pulling! I kept saying that, “I’m pushing more than I’m pulling!” I was SO surprised that I was ACTUALLY doing it!
I would tell myself that repeatedly any time I would need to stand and transfer from my chair since he told me to and I was able to do so. I told myself that when he told me to stand. I kind of whisper, “More push than pull” over and over and sometimes I close my eyes. I bet it looks kind of crazy but I don’t care. I’m okay with doing this until standing is almost effortless for me. I got fully up with A LOT of pushing and Phil let go of me and put his hands to his side. I didn’t stand for as long as I did of Friday but I felt my quads burn and shake before I sat down.
I tried again to stand but I was unsuccessful. I couldn’t stand up fully no matter how much I pushed. After the second failed attempt at standing, Phil told me to go over to the table. I was BUMMED! I still managed to ride down the ramp with my hands up and I let a, “Woo!” out. At the table, I sat and let my legs dangle. They began to calm down and I felt more relaxed. Phil went into the back room and I tried to change my perspective on things. He came back other table and said, “nice legs!” I laughed and told him that if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I’d have… a dollar. But I knew he didn’t mean it like that. My legs were relaxed and he kicked my feet a few times, we did manual curls and extensions and he poked around on the muscles in my quads and hamstrings. We hadn’t done this type of work in a while so I felt it reflected badly on my performance and ability. Lindsay told me that it didn’t and Nick took me out to my car just after Phil, “Joystick”ed me by the chairs.
I drove home and thought about my performance today and my progress thus far. It’s definitely NOT linear no matter how much I wish it was! I think that is what makes this work and this disease SO hard! But I decided long ago that I will “steady the course” and continue working. “More push than pull!” It will all be worth it in the end no matter how long it takes. I just got to “keep on…” Little by little…